Establishing an Islamic Family

“And Allah has made for you from your homes a place of rest” [Soorah an-Nahl (24): 80]

Allah mentions His complete favor upon His slaves from what He has created for them in regards to their houses being places of tranquility. They are places of refuge, screening and of benefit from all aspects.

A house for us is a place of eating, marriage, sleeping and rest. A place of privacy, meeting one’s wife and children, a place to safeguard oneself. It is a place of security from evil and protection from the people.

Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Safety for a man in times of tribulations is to stay in his home.” Hasan – Related by Tabaree in al-Aswat from Thawbaan (radhi allahu anhu) and it is also in Saheeh ul-Jaami (3824)

Most importantly, a home is an important means towards building the Muslim community. The society is made up from home and it is the origin. The home is life and the life is society. If the home is strong then the community will be strong in implementing the laws of Allah, resisting the aims of the enemies of Allah, to spread good and to stop evil from penetrating.

What is required is callers who are guides, students of knowledge, sincere mujaahideen, a righteous wife, mothers who can educate etc. to be born out of our Muslim homes and then go into the society in order to reform it.

Hence, if this subject is so important and our homes have evil and large deficiencies, negligence and carelessness thus comes the question: ‘What are the ways in which we can reform our HOMES?’

So, O noble reader! Here, we try to address the advice on establishing an Islamic HOME, hoping that Allah benefit us with it and vive us direction to strengthen Islam by reviving the Muslim HOME. The advice takes two forms: 1) To achieve reform by enjoining the good and 2) to block the corruption by removing the evil.

Choosing the Right Partner

Righteous husband and wife share the primary and most important step towards building a Righteous Islamic HOME. The righteous man with the righteous woman can both build a righteous HOME because the good abode will bear its fruits with the permission of Allah. That which is bad will produce nothing except misery. Allah, says in the Qur’aan:

“And marry the unmarried among you who are single (i.e. man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the ‘Salihun’ (pious, fit, capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty.” [Soorah An-Nahl (24): 32]

For the Man
It is very important to be very careful in choosing a righteous wife as Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The whole world is a place of enjoyment and the best enjoyment is a righteous wife.” Muslim no. 1468 and An-Nisaee from Ibn Amr and Saheeh al-Jaame (3407)

“A righteous wife who will help you in religious and worldly affairs is better than all the treasures the people have collected.” Ahamd 5/282 at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Majah from Thawbaan. Saheeh ul-Jaami 5355

Just as the righteous wife is from the good things, bad woman is one of the difficult things, as is stated in the authentic hadeeth:

“From the joys of a righteous woman is when you look at her she pleases you, when you are away from her, she safeguards herself and your wealth. From the difficulties of a bad woman is when you look at her she displeases you and she answers you back, when you are away from her she does not safeguard herself and you wealth.” Ibn Majah 1861 and others. See Silsilah as-Saheehah 282

One should bear in minds the following condition specified by the Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) in choosing a wife:

“A woman is married for four reasons; her wealth, her family, her beauty and her faith. So, marry the one who is religious and you will prosper.” Saheeh al-Bukharee vol.9 no. 132.

He (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) also said: “Marry women who are loving and prolific in giving birth, as I shall outnumber the other Prophet’s (nation) through you.” Ahmad 5/245. Al-Albaane said it is authentic in Irwaa al-Ghaleel 6/195

For the Woman :
Likewise, a woman must look at the condition of the proposer who comes for her. His suitability should be according to the following conditions:

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “If somebody comes to you and you are pleased with his character and religion then marry him. If you do not, there will be discord on earth and widespread corruption.” Ibn Majah 1967. See Slsilah as-Saheehah

This great Hadeeth demonstrate as to what should be the most important character a woman should look for when selecting a husband: they being good character and piety. Wealth and lineage are secondary considerations.

Furthermore, the person of religion and good behavior may be a blessing for her and her children. She may learn manners and religion from him. If he does not have these characters then she should stay away from him, especially if he is one of those who is lax with respect to performing the prayers.

Obligation of Living with one’s wife in Kindness 
It is binding upon the husband to live with his wife in the best way possible and to be lenient to her in everything that Allah has permitted. There are various ahadeeth concerning this issue:

1) Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wives, and I am the best of you towards them”[Authentic At-Tahawee]

2) The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said in the farewell Hajj: “Listen and take my counsel with regards to women. Be good to them for they are captives with you. You possess nothing to them other than this, unless they commit some flagrant (deliberate) obscenity. If they do then separate the beds (do not have sexual relations with them) and beat them but in a way that does no injury. If they return to obedience, then seek no further retribution. You have rights over your wives and your wives have rights over you. As for your rights over your wives, they are that no one disliked by you should sit on your bed, and they admit no one into your home who you dislike. Yes, and their rights over you is that you are very good to them in providing them dress and their food.” [Authentic at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Majah]

3) He (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Let no male believer ever hate a female believer. Though he may dislike one of her attribute, he will be pleased with another” [Saheeh Muslim]

4) He (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The believer with most complete faith is the one with the best character and the best of those are those who treat their wives in the best.” [Hasan – Tirmidhee]

Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam), one with best of morals and character, not only advised the Muslim husbands to be good to their wives but he had indeed established an excellent behavior with his wives as clear by the following narration:

1) On the authority of Aa’ishah (radhi allahu anhu) who said: ‘On the Eid, the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) called me while the Ethiopians were playing with their spears in the masjid saying: “O little red one! Would you like to watch them?” I replied ‘Yes.’ Then, he had me stand behind him and dropped his shoulders, so that I could see. I rested my chin on his shoulders with my face against his cheek, and I watched over his shoulders. He kept saying: “Haven’t you had enough?” I kept saying: ‘No in order to test my status with him, until finally I had enough…’ [Saheeh al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim and others]

2) On the authority of Aa’ishah (radiyallahu anha), who said: ‘The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) returned from the battle of Tabook or it was Khaybar. There was a curtain over my room. The wind blew, lifting the curtain and exposing a part of my room in which, Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) saw some dolls with which Aa’ishah (radhi allahu anhu) used to play. He said: “What is this O Aa’ishah?” She replied ‘my daughters (Arabs used to call dolls, daughters). He saw among them a horse with two wings made out of a piece of cloth. He said: “What is this?” She replied: ‘A horse’ He said: “and what are those on the horses?” She replied: ‘Two wings’ He said: “A horse with two wings?!” Aa’ishah said: ‘The Prophet laughed until I could see his molar teeth.’ [Authentic – Abo Dawood An Nisa’ee in Al-Ishrah]

3) Also on the authority of Aa’ishah (radhi allahu anhu) who reported that she was once on a trip with the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) while still a young girl. She said: ‘I had not acquired excess body flesh, nor had my body become large. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said to his Companions: Move on ahead. When they had gone on ahead of us, he said: Come, and I will race you. Then I beat him in a foot race.’

‘Later on, I was on another trip with him, and he again said to his Companions: ‘Go on ahead.’ Then, he said to me:’ I will race you.‘ I had completely forgotten the previous incident. Moreover, I had become heavier. She asked: How can I race you, when I am in this condition? He replied: You will race me! So, I raced him, and he won the race. Then he began laughing and said: This is for that victory.‘ [Authentic – Al-Humaydee, an-Nisa’ee in al-Ishrah and Aboo Dawood]

8) Also on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, (radhi allahu anhu) who said: the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) used to be brought a glass of milk from which I would drink first, even though I was menstruating. Then he would take the glass and drink, putting his mouth on the same spot, where my mouth had been. At other times, I used to take a piece of meat and eat from it. Then he would take it and eat, putting his mouth on the same area on which I had put mine. [Saheeh Muslim and Ahmad]

On the authority of Jaabir bin Abdullah (radhi allahu anhu) and Jaabir bin Umar, both reported that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said:

“All things in which there is no mention of Allah are frivolity, absent-mindness and idle play except for four things: a man being playful with his wife, training his horse, walking between two purposeful goals and teaching another man to swim.” [An-Nisa’ee in al-Ishrah and at-Tabaree]

Obligation on Woman to Obey Her Husband

It is important for the woman to be obedient to her husband within the range of her capacity, because Allah has favored men over women, as shown in the previously mentioned verses, that they have a degree over them. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) shed light on this important issue saying:

“By the One in whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam), no women has fulfilled her obligations to her Lord, until she has fulfilled her obligations to her husband, even if he were to ask her when she is mounted on the saddle, she should not refuse his request” [Authentic Ibn Majah and Ahmad]

He (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) further elaborated this issue making clear to us the duties of a righteous wife towards her husband and the rewards of her obedience to him:

1) “If a woman prays the five prayer, guards her private parts (from anything illegal), and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any door she wishes.” [Authentic – at-Tabaree in al-Aswat and ibn Hibban]

2) On the authority of Hussian bin Muhsan (radhi allahu anhu) who said: ‘My aunt narrated (a hadeeth) to me, saying: ‘I came to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) for some need of mine. He (radhi allahu anhu) said: “How are you towards your husband?” She said: ‘I do not fall short in anything except which I am unable to do. Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Well look to your position in relation to him, for it is the key to Paradise and Hell.”‘ [Authentic – at-Tabaree in al-Aswat and ibn Hibban]

3) The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “It is not allowed for a woman to fast in the presence of her husband except with his permission, except in Ramadaan, and she may admit no-one in his house except with his permission” [Saheeh al-Bukhari and others]

4) The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Whenever a man calls his wife to their bed, but she refuses to come, letting him spend the night angry with her, she is cursed by Angels until the morning.”

In another narration: “Until she goes to him until he forgives her” [Saheeh al-Bukhari and Saheeh Muslim]

Words of Advice to Husband and Wife

1. To be compliant, co-operative and conciliatory towards one another, to advise each other and urge each other towards obedience to Allah, the Most High and the Most Blessed, following all of His Rulings, which have been clearly established in the Qur’aan and the Sunnah. These must never be superseded by blind following of any custom or school of thought, which has predominated among the people. Allah, the Most High says:

“It is not fitting for a believing, man and woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger, to have an opinion about their decision; if anyone disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong path.” [Soorah al-Ahzab: 36]

2.Each of them should fully carry out the duties and responsibilities with which Allah has obliged on them towards one another. The Qur’aan deals with the role of men and women in the following verses:

“Men are protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in their husbands absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. chastity, their husbands property, etc.) As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, and at last beat them (lightly, if it is useful) but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.” [Soorah An-Nisa (4): 34]

The Divine injunction describes man as Qawwam (maintainer) and the women as Qanitah (obedient) Hafizatun lil Ghaib (preserver of the secret). This verse give two reasons as to why men are described as maintainer. Firstly, because

‘Allah has made one of them to excel the other’ which means that He has excelled men to be physically stronger and more inclined to have a career outside the home.

The second reason is that “they spend from their means” it is the man’s duty to provide financially for his family and it is also the man who is required to give a dower to his wife at the time of marriage.

The husbands, thus have been put in charge of his home, but this is a responsibility and not a privilege. His duty is to do justice, to consult the duties of the family and to refrain from tyranny.

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Those who do justice will be on thrones of light at Allah’s right Hand, and both of Allah’s Hands are right Hands; those who were just in their ruling with their families and in all which they were given authority.” [Saheeh Muslim]

The different roles of sexes means that never is one burdened with all the duties while the other enjoys all privileges. Instead they both have individual duties and privileges, and both make sacrifice in order to win the pleasure of Allah. The Qur’aan says in this regard:

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty and All-Wise.” [Soorah Al-Baqarah (2): 228]

Mu’aawiyah ibn Haidah (radhi allahu anhu) said: “O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihe wa-sallam), what rights do our wives have on us? The Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) replied:

“That you should feed them as you feed yourselves, never invoke ugliness upon them (this refers to the custom of the Arabs before Islam of saying to their wives in anger: May Allah make your face ugly) never strike them on their face, and in boycotting the marital bed do not go outside the house to sleep. How (could you do any of these) when you have entered into one another, so do only that which is allowed with regards to her (for valid reasons)” [Authentic Related by Ahmad]

And when they both of them having faith, know and practice the right and duties of each other, Allah the Most High, authorizes for them a good life as long as they remain together in the bliss of happiness. Allah says in the Qur’aan: “Whoever works righteous, man or woman, and has faith to Him We will give a new life, a life which is good and pure and We will bestow on them their rewards according to the best of their actions.” [Soorah An-Nahl: 97]

Abridged from Advice on Establishing an Islamic Home by Aboo Ubaidah Amr bin Basheer

“Making the House into a place of Remembrance”

“I did not create Jinn and mankind except for My worship”
[Soorah adh-Dhariyaat: 56]

After establishing the most important factor towards building a righteous Islamic HOME: the body – comprising the spouses, their collaboration with each other and compliance to the laws of Allah, the Exalted, comes the next important step – giving life to it, through the remembrance of Allah and His worship, since the body without life is futile and inefficient of yielding any benefit, according to the explanation of Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam), in describing the two categories of houses: “The example of the home in which Allah is remembered and the home in which Allah is not remembered, is like comparing the living and the dead” [Saheeh Muslim (1/539)]

This task can take several forms remembrance by the means of the heart, the tongue like reciting His Book, praising Him, prayers, reciting specific Du’aa mentioned by His Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) etc: Following, are some ways that assist in establishing the Islamic environment in our HOMES:

Performing voluntary prayers in the house

Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “The best prayer of the man is in his home except the obligatory prayer.” [Abu Dawood]

He also said: “The voluntary (prayer) in the home is better then the voluntary (prayer) with the people. It is like the (obligatory) prayer of the man in congregation being better than praying (the obligatory) by himself.” [Ibn Abee Shaybah and Saheeh al-Jamee (2953)]

Prayer for Stopping or Lodging Somewhere

“Audhu bikalimatillahi tammati min sharri ma khalaq”

“I take refuge with Allah’s Perfect Words from the evils that He has created” [Saheeh Muslim (3/1599)]

Prayer for entering the HOME

“When a man enters his home and he remembers the Name of Allah, the Most High, while entering and also when he eats, Shaytaan says: ‘There is no place for you to spend the night here and there is no food to eat here’ If he enters his home and does not remember the name of Allah while entering; Shaytaan says: ‘There is a place for you to spend the night. If he does not remember the name of Allah while eating he says: ‘There is a place for you to eat and spend the night” [Saheeh Muslim 3/1599]

The Siwaak

Aaisha (radhi allahu anhu) said that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) used to start with the siwaak when he entered the Home. [Saheeh Muslim]

Prayer for Leaving the HOME

“If a man leaves his HOME and says: ‘In the Name of Allah, I place my trust in Allah and there is nor power except with Allah.

“Bismillah tawakkaltu ala Allah wa la Hawla wa la Kuwwata illa bi-Allah”

It will be said to him: ‘You are guided, defended and protected’ Shaytaan will go away from him and another Shaytaan will say to him: ‘Think! How can you deal with a man who has been guided, defended and protected” [Abu Dawood, Tirmidhee and Saheeh al-Jaami 499]

Before entering Toilet

“Allahumma inni audhubika minal Khubthi wal-Khabaaith”

“O Allah, I take refuge with You from all evil and evil-doers” [Bukharee and Muslim]

After Leaving the Toilet

“gufranak” “I ask you Allah for forgiveness” [Abu Dawood]

Regular recitation of Soorah al-Baqarah

The Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “Do not turn your homes into graves as the Shaytaan flees from the homes where Soorah al-Baqarah is recited” [Saheeh Muslim (1/539)]

And: “Recite Soorah al-Baqarah in your homes as Shaytaan does not enter a home where soorah al-Baqarah is recited” [Haakim in al-Mustadrak 1/561 Saheeh al-Jaame (1170)]

He also mentioned the merits of reciting the last two verses of Soorah al-Baqarah, when he said: “Indeed, Allah, the Most High, wrote a book before He created the Heavens and the earth by two thousand years and it is by the Throne. He sent down from it two verses to finish Soorah al-Baqarah with them. If they are recited in an abode for three nights the Shaytaan will not come near it” [Ahmad in as-sunnah (4/274) and Saheeh al-Jaami]

Teaching the Family

“O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stone” [Soorah at-Tahreem: 6]

Teaching and educating the family is a duty of the head of the household. The above-mentioned verse teaches the main principle of education: it being ordering the good and forbidding the evil.

Ali (radhi allahu anhu) said about this verse: “Teach them (family) and show them good manners.”

Al-Bukhari (rahimahullah) brings in his Saheeh under the title: ‘Men teaching their female servants, and wives’

“Three will have two rewards… and a man who had a female servant and taught the best of the good manners and gave her the best education, then freed her and married her, he will have two rewards”

Ibn Hajr explains this Hadeeth by saying: “The chapter heading corresponds to the hadeeth in regards to the female servants being mentioned. As for the wives it is through analogy (similarity, correspondence), because it is more important to teach the wives duties prescribed by Allah and the Sunnah of Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) than the female servant.” [Fath al-Baaree (1/190)]

Men should spare a day for his family from his busy schedule and establish regular sittings with his family; if possible these sittings must also include relatives. Encouraging them and being strict to their attendance one should make them stick to it. Al-Bukharee (rahimahullah) writes in his saheeh relating from Aboo Sa’eed al-Khudree (radhi allahu anhu): “The women said to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam): ‘The men have taken all your time, so give us a day from yourself. So he promised them a day for a meeting to admonish and order them”

Thus, female education is also very important.

These sittings must teach them basic Islamic laws: like the Fundamentals of Tawheed in Islam, Negating Shirk, shunning Innovations etc. Also Laws of Purification, prayer, zakaat, fasting etc.. Along with these they must be instructed with all Islaamic etiquettes: etiquettes of eating and drinking, clothing and adornment, the actions of fitrah, who is a mahram, rules regarding photography, singing…etc. Their schedule must also include Islamic gatherings.

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “May Allah have mercy upon a man who stood at night and prayed, then he wakes up his wife and she prayed. If she refused he sprinkles water upon her face.” [Ahmad and Abu Dawood ]

It is also related from Aishah (radhi allahu anhu) that Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) used to pray at night and when he prayed the witr he would say: “Stand and pray the witr. O A’ishah” [Saheeh Muslim (6/23)]

Educating the Children

Educating the Children should be done from the early age, starting with the Qur’aanic memorization, supplications, etiquettes and manners; like what to say upon sneezing, eating, sleeping, going to the toilets etc.

They should be related stories of the Prophets of the past nations and specifically our Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam). They must be sent to Islamic schools, which include Qur’aan classes, they must be taught the language of the Qur’aan. One may also reward them financially for the completion of each step in their program. One should be very careful about whom they mix with and who they be friend. As children pick up bad manners and bad language from their surrounding.

The Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “The example of a good companion in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith’s bellow; from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell, while the bellows would either burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell from it.” [Saheeh Bukharee] Also their toys must be selective, so as to avoid the unlawful.

Establishing a Library in Your Home

An Islaamic library should be set-up in the HOME, in order to aid the family, to widen their scope in understanding the religion and help them to adhere to the shari’ah rules.

It is not necessary to make it like a public library, but enough resources to benefit the children, the elders, both men and women, relatives and guests. It is also important to locate it in a place where it is easily accessible. It is best to have books and cassettes of reliable scholars, on the issues of Islamic Creed, Qur’aan and its Sciences, Hadeeth and its Sciences. Books regarding etiquettes in Islam, Character, Biography of our Noble Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam), his Companions (radhi allahu anhu) and previous Prophets (alaihi as-salaam).

Some recommended books

Islaamic Creed – Explanation of the creed by Imaam al-Barbaharee | Kitaab at-Tawheed by Shaykh ibn abu al-Wahhab |The Salaf’s Guide to the Understanding of Fate in Islam by Dr. Saleh as-Saleh | Tawassul Its Types and Ruling by Shaykh Naasir ad-Deen Al-Albanee.

Qur’aan– An Introduction to the Qur’aan Suhaib Hasan | An introduction to the Principles of Tafseer by Shaykh al-Islaam ibn Taymiyyah | The Tafseer Soorah an-Naba, Soorah Nazi’aat | Soorah Fatihah, Ayyat al-Kursi and others by Dr. Saleh as-Saleh.

Hadeeth– Summarized edition of Saheeh Bukhari | Introduction to the sciences of Hadeeth | An introduction to the Sunnah by Sohaib Hasan | The Hadeeth is a Proof in Itself by Shaykh Naasir ad-Deen Al-Albanee | Forty Hadeeth by Imaam An-Nawawi

Others – The Prophet’s Prayer by Shaykh Naasir ad-Deen Al-albanee |

Inviting the Righteous and the Students of Knowledge to Visit your HOME

“My Lord, forgive me and my parents and whosoever enter my house, a believer, believing men and believing women. And do not increase the wrong-doers in destruction.” [Soorah an-Nuh (28)]

It is essential to be very careful about those, who enter your HOMES, since it has a great effect on your family members, their behavior and character. Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said regarding the right company:

“Souls are like troops collected together and those who familiarized with each other (before the beginning of the world) would have affinity with one another (in the world) and those amongst them who opposed each other (before the beginning of the world) would also be divergent (in the world).” [Saheeh Muslim (6376)]

Bad company may ruin ones life in this world and the Hereafter. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said while passing through one of the grave-yards:

“These two persons are being tortured not for a major sin (to avoid).” The he added: “Yes (they are being tortured for a major sin). Indeed, one of them never saved himself from being soiled with his urine while the other used to go about with calumnies (to make enmity between friends).”[Saheeh al-Bukharee (1/215)]

One should invite righteous people and the students of knowledge as the carrier of musk will either lay down a good example, or you will be influenced by them and the children and the family can also benefit by listening to them.

A sign of the righteous is recitation of the Qur’aan, the prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “A believer who recites is like a citron whose fragrance is sweet and whose taste is sweet. A believer who does not recite the Qur’aan is like a date, which has no fragrance but has sweet taste. A profligate (inattentive) who recites the Qur’aan is like basil whose fragrance is sweet but whose taste is bitter and the profligate who does not recite the Qur’aan is like the colocynth, which has a bitter taste and has no fragrance. A good companion is like musk; even if nothing of it goes to you, its fragrance will reach you. A bad companion is like a man who has bellows; if its (black) soot does not reach you, its smoke will reach you.”[Abu Dawood (4811)]

For those who Accept the Invitation

It is recommended for him who accepts the invitation to make Du’aa for the host, after he has finished eating, using one of the following prayers:

“Allahumma Baarik lahum fima razaktahum wagfir lahum war-Hamhum”

“O Allah, forgive them, have mercy on them and bless them in that which You have granted them.” [Saheeh Muslim]

“Allahumma at’im man atamani waski man sakani”

“O Allah, feed the one who feeds me and give drink to the one who gives me.” [Saheeh Muslim and Ahmad]

“Aftara ‘indakum as-saaimoon wa-akala ta’aamakum abraar, wa-sallat ‘alaykum al-malaaikah”

“May the righteous eat your food, may the Angels send their prayers upon you, and may fasting ones break fast in your house.” [(Authentic) Ahmad, Bayhaqee and others]

Spreading Good manners and Gentleness in the HOME

The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “If Allah, the Most High and the Most Majestic, intends good for the people, He puts within them gentleness.” [Musnad Ahmad (6/71)]

Gentleness is one of the means to peace and happiness in the HOME.
Gentleness with the spouse and children is very beneficial and the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) is reported to be very kind and helpful to his wives and children. He was a man amongst men who used to patch up his clothes, he used to milk his goat and serve himself. [Sisilah al-Ahaadeeth (671)]

Being playful with one’s wife and children is another reason of extending happiness in the house.

The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “Everything which does not contain the dhikr of Allah is amusement and play, except four: A man playing with his wife…” [Sunan Nisa’ee]

And Aa’ishah (radhi allahu anha) said: “I and the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) used to bathe together from one pot in our house. The pot used to be between me and him, he used to race with it and I used to say: ‘Leave some, leave some.” She said they both used to be in janaba.”

Many instances can be found regarding being kind and playful with the children. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) used to be very kind to children. He used to talk to them in a gentle way, stroke their heads, carry them on his back and give them dates before he ate one. He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “The one who is not merciful, will not have mercy shown to him.” [Saheeh al-Bukharee]

Narrated Ibn Abbas (radhi allahu anhu), when the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) arrived in Makkah, the small children of Banee ‘Abd al-Mutallib (a tribe) welcomed him, he put one of them on his back and carried one of them in his arms.” [Saheeh al-Bukharee]

Narrated Abdullah ibn Ja’far (radhi allahu anhu): “Whenever the Prophet came back from a journey he would meet us. Once he met me, al-Hasan, and al-Husayn. He carried one of us in his arms and the other on his back until we entered al-Madeenah.” [ Muslim, Abu Dawood and Ibn Majah]

Discipline among the Family

Strict time keeping in the House: A Strict timetable in the house should be formed, for example eating timings, all members of the family should eat together, sleeping timings, wake up early, no late-nights etc…
The HOME should not resemble a hotel, where people act according to their desires

Guarding the Secrets of the House

The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “From amongst the most evil of people with Allah on the Day of Judgement is a man who has relationship with his wife and she with him, then he spreads her secrets.” [Saheeh Muslim (4/157)]

Also, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) once said: “Perhaps a man will say what he does with his family, and the woman will inform what she did with her husband.” The people were silent, but a woman Asmaa bint Yazeed said: “By Allah, O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam)! The women do this, and indeed the men also do that.” He replied: “Do not do that, for it is like a male Shaytaan meeting a female Shaitaan in the road and they have relations while the people are watching.” [Musnad Ahmad (6/457)]

Thus, one should not spread the marital matters outside the house, and act upon the saying of Allah: “And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator (mediator) from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is Ever Knowing and Acquainted.” [Soorah an-Nisa (4): 35]

Seeking Permission to Enter: Allah says: “O you who believe! Do not enter houses other than your own houses until you ascertain welcome and greet their inhabitants. That is best for you; perhaps you will be reminded. If you do not find anyone therein, so not enter, until the permission has been given to you. If it is said to you: Go back, then go back; it is purer for you. And Allah is knowing of what you do.” [Soorah an-Noor (24): 27-28]

“And it is not righteousness to enter houses from the back, but righteousness is in one who fears Allah. And enter houses from their doors. And fear Allah, that you may succeed.” [Soorah al-Baqarah (2): 189]

“Whenever the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) asked permission to enter, he knocked the door thrice with a greeting and whenever he spoke a sentence (said a thing) he used to repeat it thrice.” [Saheeh al- Bukharee]

When she reached his house, Zaynab, the wife of Ibn Mas’ood, came and asked permission to enter. It was said: “O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) it is Zaynab” He asked: “Which Zaynab?” The reply was: ‘the wife of Ibn Mas’ood’. He said: “Yes, allow her to enter.” So she was admitted.” [Saheeh al-Bukharee (2/541)]

One should not enter the house if permission is not granted: Abu Sa’eed al-Khudree (radhi allahu anhu) said: “Abu Moosa (radhi allahu anhu) came as if he was scared, and said: ‘I asked permission to enter Umar’s house three times, but I was not given permission, so I returned.’ (When Umar knew about this) he said to Abu Moosa: “Why did you not enter?” Abu Moosa replied: “I asked the permission three times and I was not given it, so I returned for the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “If any one of you asks permission thrice to enter and permission is not given, then he should return…” [Saheeh al-Bukharee ]

Order for the Children and Servants not to enter the Bedroom

The children and servants are ordered not to enter the bedroom of the husband and wife without permission, during the times of sleep and rest. These are before the dawn, after the ishaa prayer and the time of the mid day nap. There is a threat that they may intrude on their privacy and Allah says: “O you who believe! Let those whom your right hands possess and those who have not yet reached puberty among you ask permission of you (before entering)during three times; before the dawn prayer, and when you put aside your clothing (for rest) at noon, and after the night prayer. (These are) three times of privacy for you. There is no blame on you, nor upon them beyond these (periods), for they (habitually) circulate among you and each other. Thus does Allah make clear to you the verses, and Allah is Knowing and Wise.” [Soorah an-Noor (24): 58]

It is Forbidden to Spy

It is forbidden to look into other people’s houses without their permission. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “…If someone peeps into your house without your permission, and you throw a stone at him and damage his eyes, there will be no blame on you.” [Saheeh al-Bukharee (9/26)]

And: “If anyone peeps into the house of a people without their permission and he knocks out his eye, Qasas (punishment) nor diya (blood-money) is incurred for his eye.” [Abo Dawood (5153)]

One must come to the door seeking permission and avoid looking in if the door is open. When Sa’d ibn abee Waqqas (radhi allahu anhu) came and stood at the door, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “Stand away from it, (stand) this side or that side. Asking permission is meant to escape from the look.” [Aboo Dawood (5155)]

Hanging the stick where it may be seen: One of the ways to teach good manners, is hanging of a stick in the house where it will be a threat. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “Hang the sticks where they can be seen by the people of the house, because it is a way of teaching manners to them.” [Tabaree and Silsilah as-Saheehah]

The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) also said: “Order your children to perform the prayer when they are seven, and spank them when they are ten.” [Aboo Dawood]

One should not resort to hitting without a need of it, because hanging the stick does not mean to hit them, it is merely to teach them manners and it is not the only way of teaching manners, Allah says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devotedly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As for those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all).” [Soorah An-Nisa (4): 34]

One may also boycott anyone for a sin as Aa’ishah (radhi allahu anha) said: “Whenever the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) heard anyone from his household tell a lie he would boycott them until he saw that they had repented.” [Ahmad (6/152), and in Saheeh al-Jaami (4675)]

SOURCE: The Islam Show – About the Author: Nasir.

http://www.articlesbase.com/home-and-family-articles/establishing-an-islamic-family-4240575.html

Ten Reasons to Take your Kids for a Walk …

<Though  the article says Ten Reasons to Take your Kids for a Walk this Summer-By Shehnaz Toorawa i guess this is practice we can use all year round!>

As the days lengthen and the weather warms, parents search for halal ways to keep their children amused. Along with trips to amusement parks, swimming lessons, and barbeque parties, consider a simple walk in the neighbourhood park or conservation area.

With a little creativity, your kids can gain numerous benefits from a walk in the forest.

Grab the opportunity for your kids to:

1- Do some hands-on science. Touch and observe things around you and talk about them. Pick up an acorn and ask your kids, “What’s inside?” and “How does it get there?”. Discuss the “green stuff” growing on a rock, see if you notice signs of succession, or ask your kids why the leaves are green in summer. Let your children’s natural curiosity guide the learning. You don’t have to know all the answers. Take some samples home for further experiments, research, or ‘show and tell’.

2- Remember Allah. Ask your children who created the things around them. Encourage them to point out signs of Allah’s existence and to praise Allah when they see something that amazes them. Remind them of ayahs in the Quran about nature like:

Behold! in the creation of the heavens and the earth; in the alternation of the night and the day; in the sailing of the ships through the ocean for the profit of mankind; in the rain which Allah Sends down from the skies, and the life which He gives therewith to an earth that is dead; in the beasts of all kinds that He scatters through the earth; in the change of the winds, and the clouds which they Trail like their slaves between the sky and the earth;- (Here) indeed are Signs for a people that are wise. (2:164)

3- Get some exercise. Children often spend their day in stationary activities like television, video games, and internet. A walk gives them physical exercise to refresh their mind and bodies.

4- Appreciate art and beauty. Comment on the natural beauty in Allah’s creation. Reflect on the colours, contrasts and lines you see in nature. If art interests your kids, encourage them to paint or photograph the scenes.

5- Learn to conserve. Ask your kids how the resources they see benefit us and how we harm them. Remind them of their responsibility towards the environment, as the Prophet, peace by upon him, said, “The world is green and beautiful and God has appointed you as His stewards over it. He sees how you acquit yourselves…” (Muslim). Brainstorm ways you and your kids can change your lifestyle to protect these resources.

6- Identify species and sounds. Pick up reference books from the library and help your kids identify the trees, flowers and birds you see. Learn the names of local birds and animals and count how many you spot.

7- Start a collection. Children love to collect. Find something that interests your kids—leaves, wildflowers, insects, pebbles—and help them collect, label and display their project. Show them how to collect without damaging nature.

8- Strengthen your bond. Talk about school, work, friends, and future plans as you walk. The time you spend on weekly walks will strengthen your relationship with your kids.

9- Clear their mind and lungs. You and your kids will appreciate fresh air and a peaceful break after a busy day indoors.

10- Pick up navigation skills. Take a map and compass on your walk. Plan a route together, follow it on the map and learn how to use a compass as you go.

SOURCE: http://myinkspiration.wordpress.com/2007/04/23/ten-reasons-to-take-your-kids-for-a-walk-this-summer/

Embarrassing! Discomfiting! Discombobulating! Dishonouring! …

What do you think about smoking or smokers? or are you one? read this and enjoy the lovely piece by Mulkah Fola HunterTokun

“Having to queue up at the banking hall on a Friday afternoon around 3.30pm is one of the things I dread doing. I was just left with no choice because I had promised to transfer some funds to my sister through one of the First Bank branches.

 

“I counted about twelve people ahead of me and I was busy wondering how much the cashiers had to count that’s taking ages. My conclusion was that they definitely needed more cashiers. Of course, I wasn’t the only one who was getting agitated as I noticed that a well suited up middle aged man, 2 people ahead of me, just kept stepping out of line. One glance at him, and you would think he was the popular Pa Kasumu.

 

“Moments later, he finally excused himself and headed towards the gents.‘Oh!’ I thought, ‘maybe he’s pressed.’ Few minutes after, I heard a loud beep and some words of cursing, followed by what sounded like chanting. All from the direction of the gents. Could you possibly hazard a guess at who could have been the harbinger of this chaos?

 

“The man who just left, of course!!!

 

“He came out all wet, his chanting now clearer,

 

‘This, this…this is embarrassing! This is discomfiting! This is Discombobulating! This is dishonouring! This is degrading! This is humiliating! This is demeaning! This is mortiftying! This…this is abasing!…’ I wasn’t wrong about the pa Kasumu countenance I had observed in him afterall!

 

“ Everybody in the banking hall burst into reeling laughter! I guess his manner of utterance of this oyinbo repete was on one hand enough to stir up the laughter, but on the other hand, he was a sight to behold! He was completely wet, as in, from head to toe! His jacket was dripping water unto the tiled floor, and so was his trousers!! Infact, u needed to see him!

 

“Guess what really happened as I later learnt? He was trying to be a ‘courteous and civilised’ smoker. Hmn hmnn!!!  So that explains why he left the line. I thought something could be rather wrong too as he was fidgety. He felt the urge to smoke. Fine! He wanted to be ‘civilised’ about it, but unfortunately, the bank does not like the smell of smoke! He he he!! They had a sprinkler system installed in the gents, and his smokey cigarette got it triggered off! Oh my!! What a day for this guy! Am so sure he won’t ever smoke again!” This is a modified narration of a colleague at the office.

“I don’t think so! That incident might not be enough to serve as a deterrent to him. It’s not an easy thing for an addict to quit anything, be it cigarette, drugs, prostitution, homosexualism, or whatever vice even though most times they wish they could stop. I only pity his family because they will suffer more from passive smoking.” I countered.

 

“Passive smoking!” I thought aloud. Memories came in torrents.

 

My service year.

 

I served in the Northern part of the country. Precisely in the capital of Kebbi State. With the Ministry of Lands and Housing, Gwadangaji. I guess we all have an idea of how some of these ministries run…a lot of times, people had little to do, so you see them hanging around the walkways, the stair halls, the sidewalks, the porch…practically everywhere, a sizable number of them doing what? Smoking!! The unfortunate part of it is the fact that one has to pass through these alleys to transit between offices and whether liked or not, one commits the ‘offence’ of passive smoking unwittingly.

 

Again I recall Abba’s dad. Abba was one of Mr. Musa’s children whom he had begged me to teach to speak English. He worked at the Ministry and was also a chain smoker.

 

“Mr Musa, why do you smoke?” I confronted him. He was driving me to his residence to take kids as he did Mondays,Wednesdays and Fridays.

 

“Hmn?” He was apparently caught unawares.

 

“Would you like Abba, and probably Amina, your daughter, to become a smoker like you?” I pressed further.

 

“Definitely not! I will kill them! They know they mustn’t do it. I’m an addict, not because I like it, but because circumstances have pushed me. Mulkah, am sorry, I won’t be able to give you the details.”

 

“What if they pick up your cigarette stubs and try to experiment? Anyway, I really don’t need the details, what I’d candidly advice you is that you quit smoking! I know you know it’s bad enough for you, but I doubt if you know that its worse off for your family as they become passive smokers.”

 

He had just pulled up outside the compound, so I got down. I really wondered about what will become of his children. Of course children easily pick up habits of people closest to them, and knowingly or unknowingly make them role models.

 

Now back in Lagos, get to the parks and see them in droves! The drivers, the conductors…the agberos…well maybe not all of them, but most of them are chimneys, and they affect passersby and passengers one way or the other. Many times, I confront the security man at my residence why he sells cigarettes. He said: “E dey move well well!” What a reason! He doesn’t smoke however, but his fellow mallams do. “So u know say e no good to smoke?” I asked. “ I know now, but them dey always ask for am, na why I dey sell be that.”

 

And don’t even think only the downtrodden smoke in Lagos (stale gist!)Tshhhh! This one is meant for only your eyes o … I had a lecturer…He doesn’t live in ‘Mowe’. But we used to call him chimney! The ceiling of his office was no longer white by the time he was moving to another office…For those who know him…I no dey o!!! 🙂

 

Do we really know the import of passive smoking? Passive smoking is the exposure of someone, involuntarily to another person’s smoke. It is also called secondhand smoking. Second hand smoke is made up of gases and particles that are very harmful, especially to children because they are very sensitive and vulnerable to it.

 

Children who are exposed to second-hand smoke at home can easily develop bronchitis, pneumonia or any form of respiratory infection. They will have less developed lungs that have a reduced ability to function well.

 

Temporary effects of passive smoking on children are shortness of breath, coughing, sore throats, pressure or tightness in their chest, wheezing etc.

 

They are more likely to suffer ear infections, fluid in the ears, chronic middle ear disease or “glue ear”, which could lead to some loss of hearing.

 

They can suffer from possible cardiovascular disorders and various types of cancers in childhood as well as in adulthood.

 

They are more likely to die in infancy .The risk is twice as high If a pregnant mother smokes.

 

They are at a higher risk of developing meningitis.

 

So, daddies, and mummies; aunties, and uncles; brothers and sisters; friends and foes. Do u truly like these for your kids?

 

Ok! Something brings about passive smoking- smoking itself! Do you know that in the United States, from reliable statistics, tobacco smoking is the single greatest cause of preventable death? This cannot be far from the truth worldwide. Smoking is a major risk factor for heart attacks, strokes, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), emphysema(dilated air sacs), and cancer(particularly lung cancer, cancers of the larynx and mouth, and pancreatic cancer). It also causes peripheral vascular disease and hypertension, all developed due to the exposure time and the level of dosage of tobacco.

 

Interestingly, cigarettes sold in developing nations tend to have higher tar content, and are less likely to be filtered, potentially increasing vulnerability to tobacco-related disease in these regions. So Nigerian smokers, emurasi o!

When tobacco is smoked, nicotine causes physical and psychological dependency. Tobacco use is a significant factor in miscarriages among pregnant smokers, and the incidence of impotence is approximately 85 percent higher in male smokers compared to non-smokers, and is a key factor causing erectile dysfunction (ED).With all these information, wont we still ask that why do people still smoke and hardly think of quitting?

 

For those who have been having a hard time quitting, there’s good news: Always remember that there are only two good reasons to take a puff once you quit. You either decide you would be going back to your old level of consumption until smoking habit cripples and then kills you, or you decide you really want to withdraw and make it last forever and keep away from the next free puff! Sorry, hope you were not expecting a list of how-to’s?

 

Sure in the long run, if you still find it difficult to quit, then you are definitely waiting for when it will be humiliating…embarrassing…discomfiting…discombobulating…dishonouring…degrading…humiliating…demeaning…mortiftying…abasing…All for grammar! Well, methinks that if a smoker doesn’t achieve the feat of quitting. Indeed, his black lungs, teeth, ceiling board and burnt fingers et al, will testify!

 

Let’s live a smoke-free life. Ciao.

10 Habits of Highly Effective Muslim Husbands

Think of getting married or are you married?! Here are 10 tips you can use to become  all your wife in a husband and a kid love in a father. peace!

 

happy mulism family

Alhamdullilah, I have been married for almost three years now and I feel that Muslim Marriage is one of the most beautiful gifts that Allah has given to Muslims in this world.

 

However, Muslim Marriage doesn’t come easy right away. Actually, many husbands today have been spoiled by family or their environment or even society and media. This has caused us to lose our manliness and personal striving that our forefathers and great men in the history of Islam had.

Now, as a Muslim Husband in this generation, I know how important and necessary it is for every Muslim Husband to work hard at their marriage in order for this Ummah to be strong again. After all, without the Muslim Family foundation, all other foundations cannot be formed.

I’ve put together some habits as a personal reminder to myself first and hopefully it can benefit Muslim Husbands out there who want to create a blissful marriage. Some ideas presented are from what I’ve read and heard and some are from experience. Take what applies to you and act on it.

So, let’s start…

1. Exercising, Staying Fit and Healthy

Sorry, brothers, you know this was coming. It is important that we stay healthy, exercise and keep fit for our wives and children. Many of us let ourselves go after marriage when it should be the other way around. When we are fit, we can do more for our wives and children. We also feel good that we are a strong contributing member of the Ummah.

My wife told me a story of how she was visiting a Muslim country recently and saw many couples where the wife was still dressed up nicely but the husband had totally let himself go.

I’m not asking everyone to be Arnold Schwarzenegger but to exercise so that when your kids are 12 years old, you can still kick a soccer ball with them. Because of my career in the software industry, I have to especially work hard at it as it is so easy for me to slack off (which I already have on a few occasions).

Doing what you enjoy will also help you stay fit. You don’t have to lift weights to stay in shape. As long as whatever you do helps you maintain a healthy, fit, Islamic lifestyle.

Also, it is imperative to eat a healthy diet. It doesn’t make much sense to work-out and stay fit and indulge in sweets and desserts everyday. Having a sweet tooth my whole life, I have now limited my sweet intake to one day of the week and have noticed positive changes like having more energy.

2. Dress well and with Ihsan (Excellence)

This is something I had to work on as I was never a good dresser when growing up. It doesn’t mean you have to wear rich expensive clothes. It means that your clothes are in good condition and you look presentable.

Muslims in history were known to dress excellently and to take care of their bodies. In the middle ages, Muslim Spain had running water and baths while the rest of Europe hardly washed their bodies.

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to wear Musk to smell good.

Prophetic Saying:
Muslim narrated that Abu Sai’d Al-Khudri said that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The best type of perfume is Musk.”

Try to buy quality over price or quantity as this is what dressing with Ihsan (Excellence) is about. At the end of the day, your wife will be happy with you and be thinking “MashaAllah.”

3. Read

It is no surprise that the first word revealed from the Quran to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was “Read…” (Surah Alaq 96:1).

I always struggled with reading growing up as I was too preoccupied with TV and video games. Even though I excelled in school, reading was always a chore and I didn’t do a lot of it.

However, as a Muslim Husband, reading is an important skill to have. Not only will it enrich you with more knowledge, it can also help with your communication and conversation skills with your wife and children. You will have much more interesting and important things to say and teach your children too.

Especially in today’s age of changing media and technology, if you are not reading and learning, you will be more susceptible to negative influences around you.

4. Help out around the house – Clean!

Many wives today juggle more daily than ever before. Things like working full-time, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids are all part of her daily regimen. Your wife will be more than happy if you can take some of that load off her.

Washing dishes, vacuuming or other chores around the house should be taken up by you and it should be proactively done. Read: Do them before being asked.

Even the best of creation, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) helped around the house.

Aisha (Ra), the wife of Muhammad (SAW) said: “Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) used to patch his sandals, sew his garment and conduct himself at home as anyone of you does in his house. He was a human being, searching his garment for lice, milking his sheep, and doing his own chores.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi).

5. Read Quran

A Muslim Husband is the leader of a Muslim Family. He needs to be setting the example for his wife and children. That is why it is important he reads the Quran.

Children imitate. If they see their father read Quran, then they will want to read Quran too. Doing this can actually make children look forward to the dreaded Sunday Quran school.

Before marriage, I wasn’t very good at Quran and barely had any surahs memorized. I then worked hard at improving my reading by attending Tajweed classes and memorizing more surahs.

Praying together is a large part of a Muslim household and knowing Quran will help you, the Muslim Husband, to lead your wife and family. The Muslim Husband or Father should strive to lead the members of his house in prayer at least once a day if not more.

6. Be Critical and Analytical – Talk about Ideas

When I was growing up, my mom had put up a sign in a hallway of our house saying: “Small people talk about other people, Average people talk about things, Great people talk about ideas.”

It is important that a Muslim Husband matures beyond self-interest and is able to transcend petty talk about people around him and material things. He needs to start talking about ideas.

It comes back to the fact that the Islamic role of a Muslim Husband in the family is to lead. If all he talks about is how he hates his boss at work or about his new pair of shoes, his family is going to suffer.

Before being married, it was easy for me to slip in to friends and enjoy trivial things like movies and sports, however, I knew that I had to rise above these activities and start reading and learning more about ideas and principles about how our world works. I needed to increase my knowledge.

I didn’t want a superficial marriage and I didn’t want to be a superficial husband. So I stepped out of my comfort zone and took action to grow intellectually. I believe that if you want a successful Muslim Marriage that Allah will shower His blessings on, it has to be about more than food and cars.

7. Take your wife out – Plan stuff

Every wife likes to be taken out, no matter how religious she is. You also don’t have to be rich either to do so.

Going to the park or buying her a new hijab or checking out that new halal restaurant are all fun activities you can enjoy with her.

I know that I sometimes slack off in the planning department. But every time I plan an outing with my wife, our marriage and relationship improves.

My wife and I have one day of the week that we go out together to explore a part of the city we haven’t yet been or we re-visit a favorite place. It is the day of the week that we re-connect and talk about our ideas.

Try it out, I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

8. Act Manly and Confident – Make Decisions

Men today behave less like men than our forefathers did. If you think back to the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him), his companions were all manly men, were confident and had presence.

Basically, Muslim Husbands need to take action in their lives and not sit idly by and let life slip away from you. I used to be very laid back and complacent in my first year of marriage but I realize that this quality is not beneficial in a relationship. When I started to act with confidence and to take action in my life, I began seeing positive changes in both my marriage and my personal life.

It is important to note the difference between confidence and aggression/domination. The former deals with taking positive action in how one carries himself while still maintaining the haqq/rights of those around him. The latter does not focus on the haqq.

A confident Muslim Man, although a leader of his home, also knows and applies the concept of Shurah/consultation. It is important to include your wife and children in any major and minor decisions that will effect everyone.

Be a Muslim Man. Take Action. Be Confident. Your wife will be happy and your marriage will prosper, inshAllah.

9. Balance between Career/Work and Religion

A Muslim Husband must have balance. He should work and strive in his career to provide for his family as it is a haqq/right of the wife to be provided for (even if she chooses to work). He also must understand the fundamentals of his deen/religion. He doesn’t have to be a scholar, but he should at least know the basics.

I remember I was at Eid Prayer a long time ago and I saw a father teaching his son how to pray before the prayer itself. As a leader of the home, a Muslim Husband must know enough about Islam so that he can teach his wife and children. He shouldn’t be doing it at Eid prayer. He should have done it at home already.

If you can, go to a class once a week about your deen and read more about it. There are also vast resources online about this beautiful religion of ours.

Also, a Muslim Husband should strive to be excellent in any work/career that he takes on. Remember that balancing both is difficult to do but can be achieved gradually.

10. Cook and help with meals

OK, this is a contentious issue. Even though shariah doesn’t say that a wife must cook for her husband, she usually does. And, I am thankful that she does!

As a Muslim Husband, you should help with cooking dinners and preparing meals. This will alleviate some of the load off your wife and she will be very thankful you assisted.

You can do this by making a schedule and telling her which days you can help. Believe me, this will also really help your marriage and improve your relationship.

Source:

http://muslimworker.com/2009/03/10-habits-of-highly-effective-muslim-husbands/

The World from the view of a Single Brother

Get a preview of what goes on in the heads of single brothers.. at least some of them 🙂

In a world were sexual culture dominates media (read this CNN article about Sexual Content on TV to Teen Pregnancy), one finds himself surrounded with nothing but stimulus that pushes him to a direction that he knows that it isn’t the right one. This environment coupled with natural urges can put people in weird situations.

So we ask ourselves, what’s the way out of this? How can we resolve such issues and consciously feel good about the solution. And the  obvious answer to the question is “I want to get Married.”

One might ask, is sex the only motive that drives men to get married? And the answer to that is NO of course it’s not the only reason, but indeed its one of the very top ones. This goes for brothers and sisters equally. I must admit though, I don’t know how it feels like being a single sister, but rest assured I know very well how it feels like being a single brother. So here is a point of view that lots of other single brothers share when it comes to pre-marriage issues. I will try to cover three main areas starting with parents of a prospect wife, then the prospect wife, and end with our own insecurities.

Our view about the parents of a prospect wife:

Single brothers fear parents with “very” high expectations. They tend to demand a lot in order to stay within their class values. This issue is the seed for all sort of different problems such as the dowry, the wedding, where are they going to live, etc. Also their very high expectation of the career of the brother who is proposing. Its as I said before, they expect a prince, prophet, nerd, scholar, doctor and engineer, rich, humble… etc which leads us to fear them rather than just trying to build bridges with them.

Many parents also object to the “religiosity” of the brothers. This of course due to the times that we live in nowadays. Not only that, but also due to the fact that they view a religious person to be a dumb, have nothing better to do, uneducated, and poor. This comes with the culture baggage that they brought with them from back home (where ever that maybe).

If you are an immigrant holding a visa (tourist or a student visa) your chances of getting married to a girl from here are slim to none. That is due to the fact that parents fear that they ONLY want to marry their daughter for the “papers”. Though this maybe true in some cases, I object to having this believe as a default of all my immigrant brothers and sisters. Some of them are sincere and really want to marry your daughters for the sake of marrying her not for the papers, or to be more exact, not entirely for the papers.

I remember Shaykh Yasir Qadhi in a ICNA conference in Houston (May of 2007) said that he believes that it is permissible for the father to ask “how much money do you have saved up beta?” question. I can tell you right now, most of us “single brothers” are not well established enough to have saved up big sums of money to show to our inlaws. This is very important because parents tend to forget that the brother might be very comfortable financially in few years, but cant wait to get married for few years.

In my mind, if I were to be asked this question, I would reply back and say, Uncle, when you married your wife, how much money did you have in your account?  Of course that will result to an automatic rejection, but that is besides the point.

There is more to be said about this, but maybe inshaAllah we can elaborate on it in a future post.

Our view about the prospect wife:

I will list the top 10 things single “religious or wana-be religious” brothers look for in their future wife: This doesn’t come from a “scientific survey” but based on the views of a few brothers from different background racially, educationally, religiously.

1- Physical Appearance. Though this was the first point almost all those I surveyed mentioned, some of them said that she has to be “GORGEOUS” and others said, she doesn’t have to be SUPER good looking, yet she has to be good looking enough.

2- Religiosity. This doesn’t only mean that she prays and fasts, but also includes her eagerness to learn her deen and act up on it.

3- She must be attracted to me (She has to like me, intellectually, physically, and every other aspect out there).

4- Manners. This is different that religiosity because she can pray yet disrespect her husband. That includes physical, psychological, or verbal abuse or disrespect. This also includes her treatment to our families specially our mothers.

5- Knows how to cook. I know that some sisters fantasize about having a husband who will cook for them, which by the way guys dont mind every once in a while, but the reality is that rarely when you find a guy who would do it all the time.

A wise lady said one time, the shortest way to a mans heart is his stomach. Just a word of advice for my single and married sisters.

6- Westernized, yet carries the traditional values.

7- Dresses Islamically. This varies from one single brother to the next. Some are cool with loose pants, others are strictly Abayas but the one common ground was Hijab.

8- Know how to support her husband. Unlike most of what my single sisters believe, men too need emotional support. They work all day and come to the house expected to spend time with their wives, listen to them, comfort them, take them out, make them feel all good but who is out there to make the man feels good?! Here is something for you think about.

9- Jealous, but not too jealous. Men always want to feel wanted and needed. A sense of jealousy from his wife gives him the feeling that she wants him. Of course if she is an extreme jealous person, then in this case, a second wife is due. haha joking people dont shoot me.

10- I can carry an intellectual conversation with her without the fear of being penalized for holding certain views. This goes out to my married brothers who told me that they “must” agree with their wives otherwise they usually spend the night on the couch.

Of course the order various from one person to the next and of course this list does not apply to all the single brothers, but I guarantee you that at least 4 out of the 10 will be common in all what the single brothers are looking for in their future wives.

Finally, Our view about our own insecurities:

While I was asking some of the single brothers this question, I got a lot of long faces and no answers. I found out that its very hard for a man to discuss his own insecurities to others (at least to other men).

I guess this is a part of our “macho” mentality that we are not suppose to be weak in public or in front of anybody. This I will say, is one of our biggest insecurities. The fear to be looked down upon from other peers.

Though we wont admit it, single brothers try to impress the sisters by how they look. Single brothers feel very insecure about their weight, and physical appearance in general.

Single brothers fear the comparison to other single brothers when it comes to proposing to sisters. I can tell you countless stories of 2 (or more sometimes depending on the sister) brothers “competing” over a sister.

Assuming that the brother comes from a decent but not rich family, one fear that he wont be able to provide for her as her parents did. Which usually causes some brothers to stay single longer than average.

Finally, single brothers feel so insecure when it comes to understanding their future wives. We hear horror stories from married men (and if you married sisters ask your husbands, they will deny it because they actually want to sleep in peace tonight) about how its almost impossible to understand what women want or need.

Again, there is much more to be said about this topic, but due to the fact that some brothers refused to answer this question (refer to the first insecurity that i mentioned) i wasn’t able to get a comprehensive insight in to what single brothers view as their own insecurities.

To sum all this up, Muslims as a big community should be able to relate to our single brothers needs. If not, more family and social issues will start appearing. Issues such as fornication, depression, girls running away from their families house, Shiyook marrying girls without having wali (guardians), guys taking advantage of innocent girls, and much more. Ask the Shiyok and Psychologists about the cases that they see, I know of stories that are terrifying.

There are a lot of pressure on single brothers out there. Giving the society we live in, we are faced with sexual pressure to the max, add to that financial instability (given that the brother is in still in the beginning of his career), along with his own insecurities, one can conclude that making marriage harder is a lose-lose situation for the brothers and for the future inlaws. That is because the longer the brothers delay their marriage, the longer the sisters will stay single. So both ends will lose on a few years of their lives due to some materialisitic (which will soon be fixed once the brother jump starts his career) issues.

SOURCE

10 Habits of Highly Effective Muslim Wives

Source-Motoya Nakamura / The Oregonian

After my husband wrote the “10 Habits of Highly Effective Muslim Husbands,” he thought it would be interesting to add the other perspective.

So, I made a list of 10 habits that my husband has commented on over time that has produced positive changes in our relationship.  He is right, the first year of marriage is really about adapting and compromise.  We are shown our terrible habits (how did our parents put up with us?) and overtime you do fall into a groove.

But, don’t get too comfortable in your routine.  Adding some spice and maintaining some good habits will make a very successful and enjoyable marriage.  Some of these habits are similar to the “Muslim Husband Habits” but, some are just for us, girls.

1.      Stay Healthy and Get Outside!

This is by far the most important habit a Muslim Wife can do to make a successful marriage.   Before marriage, my husband and I were both active people.  He was an extreme biker and I played basketball for almost 10 years before we met.  After marriage and the onset of chores, work and family obligations, time for staying healthy was becoming low on our priority scale.

Over time, we both forgot the initial attraction we had for one another – an active, healthy lifestyle.  An active lifestyle brings many benefits from  clearing the mind from trivial matters to enjoying each other’s company in a different way.

As we have brought the active lifestyle back into our lives, we both realize we learn a lot about each other through activity.  For example, on our hikes we see the other person’s stamina and determination, in playing basketball, we see our competitiveness side, and in our daily walks we see each other’s stillness and appreciation for nature.

It is by far a crucial aspect of our relationship and one that really keeps us connected, alhamdulillah.

2.      Listen and Be Supportive

One of the best things a Muslim Wife can do for her husband is be supportive.  We all know the famous story of our Beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him; after receiving revelation, he came straight home to his nurturing wife, Sayyidina Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her.  She wasn’t on the phone with her girlfriend nor was she too busy on the computer, she was ready to comfort and listen.

For me, this starts as soon as your husband comes home through the door.  Greeting your husband with a salaam, a smile and a hug is sure to set a peaceful atmosphere right away.

A Muslim Wife is attentive to her husband’s needs.  If he is holding something in his hands, like groceries, take them from him, hand him a glass of juice or have some fruit or snacks readily available.  These small gestures show simple kindness and goes a long way.

If your husband had a hard day at work, the initial greeting will soothe him.  Thereafter, if he needs to vent about his boss or co-worker, listen to him.  A good listener asks questions, makes good eye contact and reassures with nods and affection.  Initially, take his side!  If things are said that you don’t agree with, wait until a better time to give advice.  The first initial response he is looking for is support and kindness from his wife, even if he is wrong.  Thereafter, of course you can give advice and guide.

Another tip – remember names of people your husband says.  A week later after the work problem is over, simply ask your husband, “Is everything okay with Michael, now?” He will be happy that you really listened by remembering names.

So, lend a good ear and your hearts will come closer together.

3.      Be Creative – Change is Good!

We like to change things around in our apartment every season.  This is as simple as changing the furniture into a different position, changing hanging pictures or de-cluttering old knick knacks.

Over time, my husband and I have become minimalists.  We like the clean counter-tops, things put away in drawers and cupboards, and we have a new distaste for random objects.  So, we minimize every season by giving away clothes, dishes and books.

We also change our “usual” eating spots at the table and seating in the living room.  We change our chores around too.  I usually cook and he washes the dishes, but lately we have been cooking together and then sharing the dishes too (I soap while he rinses).

We have about four or five home-cooked meals that we both enjoy and we basically just rotate them week to week.  But, after a while we add a new dish to the mix.  I’ll learn something new from mom or a girl friend and surprise him with it one night.

Small changes creates new growth and stimulation to your relationship without falling into boredom and we always feel like “we’ve just moved in” every time we change things around.

4.      Engage in Good Conversation – Learn New Things

Engaging in meaningful dialogue that does not consist of talking about family, friends or every day matters can boost your marriage.

Very easily we can fall into talking about what’s happening in our lives right now, which is fine and needed.  However, your relationship truly grows and tests new boundaries when you learn new things and share them with your spouse.

My husband shares new things he is always learning from blogging, marketing and computer stuff.  To be honest, this is foreign to me.  But, it is something that he is motivated by and by listening to him I have learned a lot of interesting things about it (and he has convinced me to write this article for example, lol.)

It’s nice to talk about the books or articles I’ve read and thought about with my husband so I can gain his perspective, learn about him and enrich my own.  At times, when we disagree on a topic, our persuasive strategies kick in, allowing for a good debate.

When other temporary things fall away that make you happy – a good conversation can last a life-time.

5.      Be Alive and Excited about Life

Do you remember the first time you met your husband?  Probably one of those awkward meetings or something.  But, I remember both of us being alive and happy.  We tried to look our best and be interesting too.  I don’t remember either of us letting all of our problems out!

I’ve met a few sisters in the last little while that exude a certain kind of sadness or worry or fear that they don’t even realize that they exude.  They actually walk around with a frown!

They might have a problem or concern that of course makes them look and feel a certain way, but over time if the sad state continues it can really dampen the best of relationships.

Yes, the honeymoon phase (they say it’s the two year mark) can reach it’s end – but it doesn’t have to!  If you find yourself bored and sad, then it is really up to you to make a change in the relationship.  If you are seriously upset about something, then seek help!

There are so many things to be excited and alive about in the world!  You might need a change in your circle of friends (who really do have a big influence on how you see and do things) or you might need a new hobby or need to get outside and get fresh air on a regular basis.

Being energetic and happy and willing to try new things with your husband is an important aspect of marriage.  Being grumpy and unmotivated can lead to a whole bunch of problems for both of you.  Find a new friend or a new hobby or a new book and get excited about life.  Your husband will notice the energy and cheerfulness in you and you could change the atmosphere of your home and relationship just by changing your mood.

6.      Have One Good Girl Friend (Or Mom) – Share your Problems with Grace

There are some things that you just need to tell a girl friend because she will just understand and some things you can only tell your husband and it is important to know the difference.

It is very easy to get so comfortable with our husbands that we share some  things with them that they really could be spared.  There is a certain kind of respect and dignity a husband needs to have.  And, sisters, there is a certain level of respect and dignity he also has for you, too.

I have seen too many times, sisters complaining about other sisters, their clothes or their characters to their husbands.  Please don’t do this!  Sharing secrets or worse the flaws of other sisters to your husbands is a big no-no, especially if the sister confided in you.  Even though you and your husband are a pair, your sister friend should not feel that everything she tells you is going straight to the husband!

This is not only gossip and forbidden in Islam, but boring and undignified to your husband.  Instead, having a good girl friend or even your mom or someone else you trust provides an excellent outlet to let out frustrations that can dampen a marriage or a husband’s mood or respect for you.

In the same vein, sisters should not tell other sisters their husband’s secrets!  It’s okay to seek advice but not in a way that can make your husband lose respect in front of your friend.

Your husband can be your best friend and will be with you to the very end, inshaAllah.  It is not worth it to lose your husband and what matters to him over a friend who no matter how close they are, can end up not being there for you in the end.

7.      Dress Up and Smell Good – Take Care of Your Outward and Inward Appearance

Finally, after years of searching for the “one” you are married!  You look into the face of your spouse and you think, “so it was you” that I was meant to marry.  And, the marriage chapter of your life begins.

Marriage is “half our deen” and now that there is this one man in your life, this is your chance to make it everything you’ve ever dreamed of.  And one fun thing a Muslim Wife can do is simply dress up and smell good.

I always think it’s interesting that sisters (and brothers) can be “frumpy” in their homes but as soon as they step out of the door they dress up and go all out.  Very often we dress up for the world (strangers who we don’t know or at our workplace) and sometimes we just let ourselves go in front of  family and our spouses.

I think it’s great that couples get so comfortable with each other that they can stay in their pajamas all day.  But, sisters, simply dressing up and smelling good can really uplift your husband’s appreciation of you and may make him dress up and smell good for you too.

If you are a stay-at-home sister/mom, yeah you can stay in your pajamas all day – but if you know your husband is coming home at 5:30, then change into something nice and put on some perfume at 5:00!

Taking care of personal hygiene and working on yourself inwardly is sure to add to your overall character.  Reading Quran, catching up on a Islamic lecture, praying and making heartfelt dua’a all add to the beauty of you.

So, strike a balance between the outward and the inward appearance of you and watch the positive benefits come into your marriage and family.

8.      Be Affectionate – Don’t Hold Back Your Love

I think culturally, many sisters can bring a lot of baggage to their marriages and it is not our fault because it’s the way we’ve all grown up.

Some of us have been too immersed in Western culture and seen all the movies that we have expectations of our husbands to act a certain way or we are the complete opposite where we have been so sheltered that marriage and the thought of living with a boy (when you are married) is strange and almost – wrong!

And, it is strange.  All of our lives, sisters grow up in the homes of parents only to leave them (quite suddenly) to live with a complete stranger (most people only know each other for a short while before they get married.)

But, the truth of the matter is that marriage is a noble sunnah that is one of the most beautiful aspects of our deen.  And, one of the best things a Muslim Wife can do is to be affectionate, even if it has to be learned over time.  This is your husband now.  The one man that you married and will be married to for ever, inshaAllah.  Be affectionate with your husband, whatever that means to you, and the affection will lead to a closer and more connected relationship.

Human touch, whether it be holding hands or a hug, leads to Mercy (Rahma) in relationships whether it is with your husband, sister friends or even your parents.  So, be affectionate often and reap the benefits.

9.      Go the Extra Mile – He’ll Notice (Hopefully)

Going the extra mile means doing something for your husband that goes above and beyond what he expects of you.

If he asked you to make a meal for his family, it means you go all out and make the dishes with care and effort.

If you are going out for a special day, it means you take time to find the right outfit and perhaps wear it a bit differently than he is used to.  It could mean sending him a random text message to say you are thinking of him or a random e-card.

It could mean spending extra time listening to him talk to you about his concerns without you changing the subject.  It could mean baking home-made cookies, inviting him on a special day you have planned, making him a gift or cleaning his desk space.

It could mean wearing earrings if you normally don’t at home, or giving him free time to work-out or for his hobby, or even helping him get ready in the morning with a packed lunch with a nice note inside.

The ideas are endless and with a bit of extra time and effort, your husband will appreciate the little details you’ve paid attention to, inshaAllah.

10. Say “Thank You” – Be Grateful for Small and Big Things

One of the hadiths that scare me to death is the one that says, “The majority of hell is made up of women who were ungrateful to their husbands.” Yikes!

So, say thank you every night to your husband before you go to sleep for anything and everything that he has done for you.  Don’t overlook things you have got used to like him buying groceries, helping out with dishes, listening to your problems or simply going to work everyday.

Remember the big things and the small things and soon all small things will turn into big things for you, inshaAllah.

Thank him sincerely: “Thank you for helping with the dishes because it really cuts the time out I have to spend in the kitchen.” Rather than simply saying thank you, explain yourself to him and tell him why it’s important to you and that you noticed.

He will feel happy that he could help and may make him feel like doing it even more for you!  Most importantly, give thanks to Allah, most Generous, and He will increase your marriage even more, inshaAllah.

Parting Thoughts

This list is a reminder first to myself before I send them to you.  All of these are from experience of being married for almost three years now.  You may agree or disagree, but these are just some things that have helped the both of us over time.

And, we are always learning and growing and making mistakes, alhamdulillah, it’s all part of the journey.  Feel free to share more insight or your own tips with us in the comments below.

InshaAllah, may Allah pour blessing upon blessing into all our marriages!  Ameen!

SOURCE:

The Family and Ramadan

{As salam Alaykun peeps… It no longer news that the basic of learning starts from home.  The family (or parenting)  has a strong role to play in development of the society… So how do you help the children enjoy, appreciate  and love the holy month of ramadan?! I remember i started crying that i wanted to fast at the age of seven, but then i think it was  more about the “feast for the fasting ones” rather than the real lessons  of values of ramadan. Here is how to help your family build that ramadan spirit to gain from the holy month.  Q. Layfah}

It is one of the blessings of Allah to the Muslim that He enables him to fast in Ramadan and to spend its nights in prayer. It is a month in which good deeds are multiplied and people are raised in status, when Allah frees some people from the Fire.

Family

So the Muslim should strive to make the most of this month and the goodness it brings; he should hasten to spend his life in worship. How many people have been deprived of this month because of sickness, death or misguidance.

The Muslim must make the most of his time during this month; he has an unavoidable duty towards his children, to raise them well and bring them up properly, to urge them to do all kinds of goodness and make them get used to that – because the child will grow up in the manner to which his father makes him get accustomed.

During these blessed days, the father and mother have a role to play in making the most of this time, and we can offer parents the following advice:

1 – Checking on the children’s fasting and encouraging those who fall short in this regard.

2– Reminding them about the real nature of fasting, and that it is not just giving up food and drink, but it is a means of attaining taqwa (piety), and that it is an opportunity for sins to be forgiven and expiated.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) ascended the minbar and said: “Ameen, Ameen, Ameen.” It was said to him, “O Messenger of Allah, why did you do that?” He said, “Jibreel said to me, `May Allah rub his nose in the dust, that person who Ramadan comes and his sins are not forgiven,’ and I said, Ameen’. Then he said, `May Allah rub his nose in the dust, that person who lives to see his parents grow old, one or both of them, but he does not enter Paradise,’ and I said, `Ameen’. Then he said, `May Allah rub his nose in the dust, that person in whose presence you are mentioned and he does not send blessings upon you,’ and I said, `Ameen.'”

Narrated by Ibn Khuzaymah, 1888; al-Tirmidhi, 3545; Ahmad, 7444; Ibn Hibbaan, 908. See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3501.

3 – Teaching them the etiquette and rulings on eating, such as eating with the right hand from what is directly in front of them; reminding them that extravagance is Haram and is harmful to the body.

4 – Not letting them spend too long on eating iftaar so that they miss praying Maghrib in congregation.

5 – Reminding them about the situation of the poor and destitute who cannot find even a mouthful of food to quench the fires of hunger; reminding them of the situation of those who have migrated or are fighting in jihad for the sake of Allah in all places.

6 – These gatherings offer an opportunity to bring relatives together and uphold the ties of kinship. This custom still exists in
some countries, and it is an opportunity to reconcile and mend broken ties between relatives.

7 – Helping the mother to prepare the food, and to clean up and keep the food fit for eating.

8 – Reminding them to pray qiyaam (taraweeh) and to prepare for it by not eating too much and to get ready in time to perform the prayer in the mosque.

9 – With regard to suhoor, the parents should remind the family of the barakah (blessing) of suhoor and that it gives a person the strength to fast.

10 – Allowing enough time before Fajr prayer so that those who have not prayed Witr may do so, and so that those who have delayed their prayer until the end of the night may pray, and so that each person may make dua to his Lord as he wishes.

11 – Paying attention to praying Fajr on time in congregation in the mosque, for those who are required to do so. We have seen many people who wake up at the end of the night to eat, then they go back to bed and neglect Fajr prayer.

12 – It was the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) in the last ten days of Ramadan to stay up at night and wake his family. This indicates that the family should pay attention to making the most of this blessed time in doing things that are pleasing to Allah, may He be glorified and exalted. So the husband should wake his wife and children to do that which will bring them closer to their Lord.

13 – There may be small children in the house who need to be encouraged to fast, so the father should urge them to get up for suhoor, and encourage them to fast by praising them and giving a reward to the one who fasts the whole month or half of it, and so on.

It was narrated that al-Rubayyi’ bint Mu’awwidh said:  On the morning of `Ashoora’ the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) sent word to the villages of the Ansaar saying, “Whoever started out not fasting, let him not eat for the rest of the day, and whoever started the day fasting, let him fast.” She said: We used to fast and make our children fast, [and take them to the mosques] and make toys for them out of wool, then if one of them cried for food we would give him that toy until iftaar.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1859; Muslim, 1136 – the words in square brackets were narrated by Muslim.

Al-Nawawi said:

This hadeeth shows that we should train children to do acts of worship and get them used to that, but they are not accountable. Al-Qaadi said: It was narrated from `Urwah that when they are able to fast it becomes obligatory upon them. This is a mistake which is disproven by the saheeh hadeeth, “The Pen is lifted from three: from the child until he reaches adolescence…” And Allah knows best.

Sharh Muslim, 8/14

14 – If possible, the father and mother should take the family for `Umrah in Ramadan, and that is something that will benefit them in the Hereafter,, themselves and their family, for `Umrah during Ramadan has the same reward as Hajj. It is better to go at the beginning of Ramadan so as to avoid the crowds.

15 – The husband should not overburden his wife with more than she can bear of having to prepare food and sweets. Many people take this month to prepare fancy foods and drinks, and they go extremes in that. This detracts from the sweetness of this month and goes against the reason for fasting, which is to attain piety.

16 – The month of Ramadan is the month of the Qur’an, so we suggest that each family gets together to read Qur’an. The father should teach his family to recite Qur’an and help them to understand the meanings of the verses. In the same gathering they may also read a book about the rulings and etiquette of fasting. Allah has enabled many scholars and seekers of knowledge to write books which can be used for preaching and teaching during Ramadan; the books are divided into thirty parts, so one topic can be read each day, and this will benefit everyone.

17 – They should be encouraged to spend and check on their neighbours and the needy.

It was narrated that Ibn `Abbaas said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was the most generous of people, and he was at his most generous during Ramadan when Jibreel met him. He would meet him each night and revise the Qur’an with him. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was more generous than the blowing wind.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6; Muslim, 2308.

18 – The parents should prevent their families and children from staying up late at night and wasting their time in things that are of no benefit, let alone things that are Haram. For the devils among mankind are more active in this month in promoting evil things and acts of immorality to those who are fasting, during the nights of Ramadan and during the days.

19 – They should remember the family’s meeting in Allah’s Paradise in the Hereafter, and the great joy of meeting there under the shade of His throne. These blessed gatherings in this world and coming together to obey Allah by seeking knowledge, fasting and praying are only the means that lead to attaining that happiness.

SOURCE: Missionislam.com

Nine Reasons Why We Must Plan for Ramadan

{Insha Allah it is closer to us than it was… yes am talking about ramadan… in no time it will be here, so here are 9 reasons you should plan for it!}

Reason 1: To be in “Ramadan mode”

By planning for Ramadan before it arrives, you put your mind in “Ramadan mode”. If you plan, you will mentally prepare for it, and it will force you to see it as the special month it is outside of your regular routine the rest of the year.

Reason 2: To adjust your schedule

By planning in advance, you can adjust your work, sleep and meal schedules in such a way as to make time for Suhoor, Iftar, etc. That means, for instance, that if you normally go to bed at midnight, in Ramadan you would sleep earlier in order to get up early for Suhoor. Or if you usually study late, you can instead sleep earlier and start studying after Suhoor in the early morning hours. Planning in advance allows you the luxury to make time for the change in schedule that Ramadan brings.

Reason 3: You can plan Ramadan family time

Is dinner time usually an individual affair in your home, as opposed to a time the whole family eats together? Are Friday evenings the time every family member goes off to his/her own social activities? Planning in advance can change this at least in Ramadan. Calling a family meeting about a month in advance, explaining the importance of Ramadan, its implications for the family and the need to eat Iftar together when possible as well as to attend Tarawih prayers, for example, will allow all family members to adjust their work and school schedules accordingly. That will, Insha Allah, make Ramadan a blessing not just to every person in the family, but to the family as a whole.

Reason 4: To make the menu

While Ramadan may mean extra Ibadah to some of the brothers, it usually means extra cooking for most of the sisters. Ramadan’s blessings are for men and women. Making a Ramadan menu for Iftar and meals, and working out when you want to invite relatives, neighbors and friends for Iftar will give sisters the opportunity to catch Tarawih and various other advantageous Ibadat instead of spending Ramadan’s 29 or 30 days stuck in the kitchen. (And by the way, brothers, helping out with cooking or cleaning was a practice of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him-maybe this is a way you can increase your Sawab [rewards] this month).

Reason 5 : You can plan an Iftar at your home

You may have eaten fantastic Iftars at friends’ homes last year. This year, open your doors. There is blessing in feeding a fasting person other than yourself and your family. Planning in advance gives you the luxury of calling friends over the month before and setting a date, so you can “grab” them before others get an opportunity to.

Reason 6: To make a travel schedule

Do you know a fellow Muslim in your neighborhood who wants to get to the mosque for Tarawih every night but doesn’t have a car? Or do you look at your work schedule and realize you have to work overtime near the end of Ramdan, so your family will miss out on Tarawih at the mosque the last ten nights of Ramadan? Planning in advance helps you work out your daily or weekly travel schedule to attend Tarawih prayers at the mosque, or even a trip for Iftar at a friend’s place who may life farther away. It also helps ease the burden of transportation in winter. Maybe you can start a car pool? Since you have the time before Ramadan begins, you can work this out with neighbors and friends.

Reason 7: To do good at high Sawab times

Being generous is definitely an Islamic merit, but being generous in Ramadan is even more highly rewarded. Match Ibadat with specific times that carry more reward. Prepare to do Itifkaf, increase asking Allah for forgiveness in the last ten nights of Ramadan. Plan to give increased Sadaqa this month. Plan to visit that relative you may have not seen for months, if not years. Thinking about and arranging to do these things and finding other ways of gaining the pleasure of Allah in Ramadan will Insha Allah help you benefit more from it.

Reason 8: You can squeeze in Eid shopping

Planning in advance helps you think about all of those things you wanted to do in time for the end of Ramadan or Eid last year but couldn’t. Maybe you wanted to go Eid shopping for gifts for family and friends in the last week of Ramadan but were too busy with the last ten nights of Ramadan. No problem. This year, you decide to go in the third week of Ramadan instead.

Reason 9: You can plan Dawa activities during Ramadan

Some Muslims have gone to soup kitchens and made meals during Ramadan, while they were fasting. Not only will, Insha Allah, they be rewarded, but this is a great Dawa opportunity to explain what Ramadan and Islam are about. Planning in advance for such an activity gives you the time to call up a soup kitchen in your area, explain what you want to do, and get your act together. You can also plan school Dawa activities in Ramadan by planning in advance, by meeting with the principal or teacher beforehand, preparing a presentation, etc.

Source: Sisters.islamway.com

The manners of welcoming the new-born child in Islaam

{This is an important topic especially for the intending or new couples; who either do not know much or are in doubt on “what to do” or “why it is done”, when the joyful cry of the baby arrives. For me it has opened my eyes to some “why it’s done” and has increased my knowledge on this topic . So as usual i share for the sake of Allah.. happy reading …PEACE!}

Children are a source of delight and an adornment for the world granted by Allaah to their parents, they give vigour to the hearts, joy to the souls, pleasure to the eyes. They are the fruit from whom good is to be hoped for when they frequently supplicate:

“Our Lord! Bestow on them your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small”

and they are the ones in every nation upon whom hope for the future lies, and they are the youth of tomorrow upon whose shoulders the call to Islaam is carried. Indeed Islaam has indeed elevated the status of children and has laid down manners for their treatment relating to all their affairs and each stage of their and from these are the manners for welcoming their arrival in this life.

Our Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was a living example, educating, cultivating the Muslims upon the practices of Islaam, teaching them how to worship their Lord in the best of ways. But a number of Muslims have strayed from his pure teachings and have substituted that which is gold for that which worthless.

So here are the manners the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) taught us with regards our new-born.

1) Encouragement to have Children

Allaah says, “So now have sexual relations with them,, and seek that which Allaah has ordained for you.”

And the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Marry the loving and fertile because through you, I will compete with the nations for superiority in numbers” (Abu Dawood)

And it is important that the Parents bring up their children upon righteousness, so that the Parents will benefit from them during their lives and after their death. Allaah’s Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“A servant will have his rank raised and will say, ‘O my Lord how has this come about for me?’ He says, ‘through your sons after you seeking forgiveness for you'” (ibn Maajah)

Know that what has preceded applies equally to both boys and girls, and indeed Islaam has encouraged the bringing up of girls, and Allaah condemns those that are distressed at the birth of a girl, and the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) came elevating the status of this gift from Allaah,

“whoever takes care of two girls until they reach adulthood – he and I will come together on the Day of Resurrection (like this) – and he interlaced his two fingers” (Muslim)

meaning in Paradise. So can their be a greater honour given to daughters?!

2) Giving the good news of the Birth

The near of kin who are anxiously waiting should be informed so that they can stop worrying and congratulate the parents and supplicate for the baby. Allaah mentions this good news being conveyed to a number of His Prophets, from them Zakariyyah of his son Yahya,

“Then the angels called him, while he was standing in prayer in a private room (saying), ‘Allaah gives you glad tidings of Yahya'”

3) Giving the Adhaan in the ear of the newborn

The first practice to do is to make the adhaan in the ear of the baby, so that the first words that the baby hears is the name of Allaah, and the kalima.

It is to be given straight after the birth, or very soon afterwards as he (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) did with his grandson al-Husayn, as is related by Abu Raafi’ who said,

“I saw the Prophet give the adhaan for prayer in the ear of al-Husayn ibn Alee when his mother Faatimah gave birth to him,” (Tirmidhee)

It should be given with it’s usual wording in a voice which is audible to the baby, not so loudly that it risks harm to the baby or alarms it.

Only the adhaan is to be given, not the iqaamah as well as there is no authentic evidence to support this. Giving the adhaan only is also the reported practice of the Khaleefah Umar bin Abdul Azeez. This is closer to the sunnah, and Allaah knows best.

The sunnah has not specified as to which ear it should be given, however the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to love to do good actions starting from the right, so it would be more appropriate to give the adhaan in the right ear.

4) The Tahneek

This means to softening a date and then rubbing the palate of the new-born with it just after the birth or soon after. This is done by putting a piece of the softened date on the finger and rubbing it from left to right in the mouth of the baby.

Ibn Hajr said, “if one is not able to find a dry date, then a fresh date should be used, and if that is not available then anything sweet.” (Fath 9/588)

It is not essential to chew the date rather it may be softened in any way. The action of chewing as reported in the sunnah was something specific to the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) due to the blessings that Allaah had placed in his saliva.

It is done by the father or the mother or anyone from the People of Knowledge whose supplication is hoped would be accepted. So he should perform tahneek and supplicate for the child as was the practice of the Companions.

Imaam Nawawee says, ” scholars are agreed upon the recommendation of performing tahneek upon the baby after it’s birth.” (Sharh Saheeh Muslim 4/122)

Aaishah (radiyallaahu ‘anha) reports, “new-born children used to be brought to the Messenger of Allaah and he would supplicate for blessings for them, and rub a chewed date upon their palate.” (Muslim)

5) Naming the child

The baby may be named on the day of it’s birth or later on the seventh day or past the seventh day, as this is what is clear after study of all the evidences from the sunnah.

It is the father or the mother who chose the name for the baby. If they differ amongst themselves then it is the father who has the choice, he may name it himself or give his wife the right to choose. The fact that this is the right of the father is shown by the principle that the child is ascribed and attributed to the father, as Allaah says,

“Call them (adopted sons) by (the names of) their fathers, that is more just in the Sight of Allaah”

It is also allowed for the parents to allow others to name the child, since our Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to name some of the children of his Companions.

The name should carry a good and praiseworthy meaning as the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“On the Day of Resurrection, you will be called by your names and your fathers names, so make your names good.” (Abu Dawood)

It is recommended to call oneself a servant of Allaah (Abdullaah) or the servant of any of the names of Allaah. Then it is recommended to name a child after a prophet, due to the hadeeth,

“call yourselves by the names of the Prophets” (Abu Dawood)

and the hadeeth,

“a son was born to me this night and I called him after my forefather Ibraaheem” (Muslim)

Then it is recommended to name the child after any pious person in the hope that it will become like him/her. Then it is recommended to name by any name which has good meaning.

It is forbidden to name a child with a name that denote servitude to other than Allaah, for example Abd an-Nabi, Abd ar-Rasool etc, just as it is forbidden to name them with names that are particular to the Unbelievers like George, Michael, Susan etc.

The names of tyrants and evil personalities should be avoided such as Fir’awn, Qaroon, Abu Lahab etc.. Likewise it is disliked to name with the names of the Surahs of the Qur’aan like ‘Taa Haa’ or ‘Yaa Seen’ as is reported from Imaam Maalik and others. There is no authentic hadeeth which ascribes the above two as being names of the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam).

6) The Aqeeqah

After the seventh day of the arrival of the new-born, as a form of welcome for it and to give thanks to the One who gave the blessings, it is prescribed to slaughter a sheep. The Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“Every child is in pledge for it’s Aqeeqah which is sacrificed for it on its seventh day, and it is named on it, and its head is shaved” (Abu Dawood)

If the new-born is a boy then two sheep are to be sacrificed, and if it is a girl then one sheep. This is the position of the majority of the scholars and Companions. The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“for the boy two equal sheep, and for the girl, a single sheep.” (Ibn Maajah)

So it is permissible to sacrifice the male or female sheep or goat, and this is best. As for sacrificing other animals then the scholars have differed over this.

The sacrifice should be done by the father or a close relative, for our Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) performed the Aqeeqah for his two grandsons. It is also obligatory to mention the name of Allaah over it while sacrificing, and if a close relative is performing the Aqeeqah then he should add, ‘this aqeeqah is the Aqeeqah of so and so’ mentioning the name of the person on whose behalf he is performing the aqeeqah, as is reported in the hadeeth related by al-Bayhaqee.

The meat of the sacrifice may be distributed cooked or uncooked,, but it is preferred that it should be cooked as this leads to greater blessing as mentioned by a group of the scholars.

7) Shaving the baby’s head

On the seventh day after the birth the head of the baby should be shaved. So when al-Hasan was born the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) told his daughter, Faatima (radiyallaahu ‘anha),

“shave his head and give the weight of his hair in silver to the poor” (Ahmad)

The right side of the head should be shaved first, then the left as mentioned in the hadeeth,

“shave, and he indicated to the right side of his head, and then the left” (Muslim)

It is not permissible to shave a part of the head and leave a part, as this was prohibited by the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) as reported by al-Bukhaaree. The strongest view seems to be that the head of the boy or the girl should be shaved, as is reported that Faatimah weighed the hair of her daughter (Muwatta) but the scholars differ on this, and Allaah knows best.

The shaving should be done after the sacrifice, and our pious predecessors liked to rub some perfume over the baby’s head after the shaving.

Then it is prescribed to give the value of the baby’s weight of hair in silver in charity, and it is recommended to give this charity on the seventh day also, but it is not necessary to do so, and may be delayed.

8) Circumcision

It is prescribed that the boy be circumcised, it is recommended that the circumcision take place on the seventh day, but it is obligatory to circumcise before the boy reaches

SOURCE: PINK ISLAM

Children are a source of delight and an adornment for the world granted by Allaah to their parents, they give vigour to the hearts, joy to the souls, pleasure to the eyes. They are the fruit from whom good is to be hoped for when they frequently supplicate:

Few Tips for Muslim women at her home

< < keeping a home they say is a woman duty, well maybe not entirely but largely .. so sisters here are some tips i got from Muslimah — A Real Pearl!’s wall on facebook.. ma salam>>
The home is an essential part of building the strong blocks for the Muslim society, a Muslimah plays an important role in building up the character of future loins of Muslim Ummah!
My dear sisters here are few tips for you to save your selves and your family from the fire of hell!

• Make Your Home a Place For the Remembrance of Allah

• Help Your Family Increase Their Faith

• Continuously Recite Surah Al-Baqarah to Ward off Shaytan from homes

• Teach good morals to Your Family with love and kindness

• Build Your Islamic Library in Home

• Invite Righteous People and Seekers of Knowledge to Visit Your Home

• Bring up your children righteously to make them pious man

• Avoid Showing Family Conflicts In Front of Others

• Be Affectionate and Spread Kindness in the Home

• Resist Bad Manners in The Home

• Pay Attention to Family’s Health and Safety

• Shield Your Home Against Common or Hidden Evils like, Beware of non-Mahram relatives entering upon women when their husbands are absent, Men and women should sit separately during family visits., Beware of the dangers of having male drivers and female servants in the house, Beware of the dangers of TV, Do not allow smoking in your homes.

May Allah Subhana Wa’tala bless us in both lives, May He the most high protect us from all kinds of evils. Ameen!

SOURCE: Muslimah — A Real Pearl ! ‘s Wall Photos