What went down at Sisters Chillin’4

What went down at Sisters Chillin’4

360 Muslimah” … building well rounded personalities

As Salam Alaykum to YOU!

Sisters Chillin’4 was a picnic event held at the Alausa green park, Lagos Nigeria. on the 29^th of May 2011; with mats laid out under a tree for sisters to chill out. Having in attendance about 60% first timers and lot of yummy delicacies; Our sister Adefolake Latifah Sadiq officially opened the event, by welcoming us and talking us through the program of the day. After which she called on one of our sisters in the person of Sis. Islamiyat Sanusi Anjola to give us an opening prayer. Then we all took turn to give a brief introduction of ourselves (name, what we do, marital status and our hobbies).

After which Sis. Biliqis Omolara Banjo (our able PRO + location manager lol) took over. She set the atmosphere rolling by reminding us what Sisters Chillin was about – {“A social event for Youthful Muslimahs (both covering and non covering), to meet, learn, share and have fun while directly tackling the social challenges faced by them in this modern age. We should also remember that despite the social distraction and barriers we face, Islam is a solace rather than hindrance to achieving our dreams.”} She also thanked everyone for coming and encouraged us to feel free to mingle and ask questions on issues we might be going through.

That set the stage for the next agenda which was the “One House Chat”. Directed by the founder of Sisters Chillin’ Ola Olabimpe Sanusi (aka Q. Latyfah); who gave a summary of what a 360 muslimah should be. {“To be 360 muslimah means – to be a well rounded person – to have an amiable personality, with aura of excellence, strong iman, good sense humour, creativity and intelligence. Being well rounded does not mean you will glitter with no faults. But one who is guided by Islam. One who fully understands her duties towards Allah(SWT), and towards herself, her parents, her husband and children, her relatives, her friends and sisters in Islam, and her society as a whole, with all the different types of people, events and transactions it includes.” }

While enjoying the continuous flow of yummy snacks, the “one- house chat” witnessed very interesting interactions; on internal issues (such as non covering sisters vs covering sisters) as well as external issues (society vs Muslims). We also had some sisters share deep and touching personal experiences and tips, on how they became stronger and better Muslims. The “one house chat” came to a close with a summary of the pointers mentioned, as Ola. Olabimpe reminded us that time is ticking.  So we should work towards improving our weaknesses, without giving EXCUSES! Some of the pointers given on being a 360 muslimah include:

• To learn and know about the deen
• Uphold honesty and integrity
• Be socially responsible
• Staying confident and focused
• To look good and stay healthy
• Striving to a person of value
• Not to be too timid or shy to do what Is right
• Know what we want and go for it (or get what you need to achieve it)
• To always strike a balance when it comes to defending the deen or your practice.
• Knowing your roles – as a woman,  muslimah, human(as sister mother and wife etc)
• Strive to be better muslims
• Stop giving excuses and start improving our deen

Afterwards, networking and more munching went on… then paused! As we took time out to observe salat together as usual … then we slip back to gisting and buying etc

Suddenly, our Gift ferries showed up to reward the 1^st ten guests for coming early, and a little “thank you for coming” gift everyone. Then we had the picture session…. the cake cutting …Wow it was really fun!.  Even at this point the food mat wasn’t empty yet… so the serviettes got busy and there goes the take-aways… (*laughs*)

To Allah’s glory; we have successful hosted 4 editions Sisters Chillin’ (SC) as a FREE event; 100% funded by donations gathered from well wishers.

Special Thanks to:

• Biliqikis Omolara banjo
• Shekena Atitebi
• Tola Ositade
• Olugbenga Fatima
• Rofiat Adebisi
• Balikis Sanusi
• Folake Latifah Sadiq
• Mariam Alonge
• Rashedah Arogundade

And to everyone who pray, and contributed one way or the other jazak-Allah- Khair!

Words from the founder:  “I know Allah won’t give me what I can’t handle… but I confess, my fear for a clear weather, enough food, and sisters actually having fun and learning… gave me sleepless night before the day. But it all melted and I laughed very hard at myself; as Allah reassured me He is The Greatest and ISLAM is the way, the truth and light. Alhamdulillah!! Seeing everyone mixing and having fun was really gratifying. More thanks to everyone who came, those who wanted to, those who contributed and prayed for the successful outing we had. I pray Allah will reward you all abundantly… and that this will continue to help our sisters grow socially and spiritually. Insha Allah we will be coming out with details of Sisters Chillin’ 5 soon”.

Ma Salam

Ola Olabimpe

PS: See pictures from the event – http://on.fb.me/kFKslm

Dear Single and searching brothers! Get real!

This was a woman’s responds to blog post titled “The World from the view of a Single Brother” by br.Haytham on muslimmatters.org . She is actually a mother in her early forties and a into a matchmaking business with her husband.

Dear  & all the single brothers , LISTEN UP!
SubhanAllah, may I ask are you looking for a wife or a car? Reading your post was amusing & angering at the same time.Why? you ask, because I see too many times & believe me I have a fair amount of experience in the matchmaking bussiness,when I come across brothers who are asking us to help them in their wife search I always ready what they’re looking for & for almost half of them I inform my husband that I’m not going to even bother helping.
Reasons: 1. They give specs for age, weight, height, colour & looks. Hello!!! This is a human & not a car you’re buying!! Sorry we don’t have a production factory that can build you a model to suit.
2. Hmm, are you THAT good looking as what you’re asking for? Remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder & will you be voted #1 on the next Top 10 Hunks chart?
3. Do you think YOU have all those qualities that you want in a prospective wife to have? ie. be able to hold an intellectual conversation, attracted to her in ALL aspects & likes what she likes?
4. What if she’s more into deen then you? Are you strong enough to be proud of her for it & support her in it?
5. She must be ‘westernised with traditional values’. What does this mean? I have an idea but could be wrong, so plz clarify.
6. Plz brs. do realise that not ALL sisters love to cook even though their mothers might be the best at it. So don’t expect a Martha Stewart in the kitchen unless you’re chef Ramsay
7. Support goes both ways. It’s not a one way street especially if she’s suppose to be some what westenised.
8.Jealousy goes both ways also.
9. Will she be given the same courtesy of not having you angry with her when her views are different from yours during an interlectual conversation? Most times it’s the other way round.As soon as a wife has a view on anything that is different from the husband, if she doesn’t shush up then it leads to an argument = he won’t speak to her for the night or more .
As for humor not all men have them. Sorry to say.
Also how many bros. are willing ot give up their time playing xbox & PSP & hanging out with their Bros. for their wives?
I know of too many bros. whose young wives are waiting for them at home to be with the husbands & talk but he doesn’t come home until fajr. All because they had a game going on & forgot he’ld be back in an hr. Men expect the wives to stop their social life to an extent & give up hanging with their freinds for the most part but don’t reciprocate.
Also don’t look for a sister btwn 16 & 23 when you’re hitting 30. Besides the HUGE age gap generally nowadays it doesn’t work out & there are very different mentalities & expectations. She wants to be romanced & he wants a more mature thinking woman.

So on behalf of all the sisters who only ask for a decent, hard working , caring & understanding man. I ask the single brothers to get back to reality!!!
UmmZainab

Source:

10 Habits of Highly Effective Muslim Wives

Source-Motoya Nakamura / The Oregonian

After my husband wrote the “10 Habits of Highly Effective Muslim Husbands,” he thought it would be interesting to add the other perspective.

So, I made a list of 10 habits that my husband has commented on over time that has produced positive changes in our relationship.  He is right, the first year of marriage is really about adapting and compromise.  We are shown our terrible habits (how did our parents put up with us?) and overtime you do fall into a groove.

But, don’t get too comfortable in your routine.  Adding some spice and maintaining some good habits will make a very successful and enjoyable marriage.  Some of these habits are similar to the “Muslim Husband Habits” but, some are just for us, girls.

1.      Stay Healthy and Get Outside!

This is by far the most important habit a Muslim Wife can do to make a successful marriage.   Before marriage, my husband and I were both active people.  He was an extreme biker and I played basketball for almost 10 years before we met.  After marriage and the onset of chores, work and family obligations, time for staying healthy was becoming low on our priority scale.

Over time, we both forgot the initial attraction we had for one another – an active, healthy lifestyle.  An active lifestyle brings many benefits from  clearing the mind from trivial matters to enjoying each other’s company in a different way.

As we have brought the active lifestyle back into our lives, we both realize we learn a lot about each other through activity.  For example, on our hikes we see the other person’s stamina and determination, in playing basketball, we see our competitiveness side, and in our daily walks we see each other’s stillness and appreciation for nature.

It is by far a crucial aspect of our relationship and one that really keeps us connected, alhamdulillah.

2.      Listen and Be Supportive

One of the best things a Muslim Wife can do for her husband is be supportive.  We all know the famous story of our Beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him; after receiving revelation, he came straight home to his nurturing wife, Sayyidina Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her.  She wasn’t on the phone with her girlfriend nor was she too busy on the computer, she was ready to comfort and listen.

For me, this starts as soon as your husband comes home through the door.  Greeting your husband with a salaam, a smile and a hug is sure to set a peaceful atmosphere right away.

A Muslim Wife is attentive to her husband’s needs.  If he is holding something in his hands, like groceries, take them from him, hand him a glass of juice or have some fruit or snacks readily available.  These small gestures show simple kindness and goes a long way.

If your husband had a hard day at work, the initial greeting will soothe him.  Thereafter, if he needs to vent about his boss or co-worker, listen to him.  A good listener asks questions, makes good eye contact and reassures with nods and affection.  Initially, take his side!  If things are said that you don’t agree with, wait until a better time to give advice.  The first initial response he is looking for is support and kindness from his wife, even if he is wrong.  Thereafter, of course you can give advice and guide.

Another tip – remember names of people your husband says.  A week later after the work problem is over, simply ask your husband, “Is everything okay with Michael, now?” He will be happy that you really listened by remembering names.

So, lend a good ear and your hearts will come closer together.

3.      Be Creative – Change is Good!

We like to change things around in our apartment every season.  This is as simple as changing the furniture into a different position, changing hanging pictures or de-cluttering old knick knacks.

Over time, my husband and I have become minimalists.  We like the clean counter-tops, things put away in drawers and cupboards, and we have a new distaste for random objects.  So, we minimize every season by giving away clothes, dishes and books.

We also change our “usual” eating spots at the table and seating in the living room.  We change our chores around too.  I usually cook and he washes the dishes, but lately we have been cooking together and then sharing the dishes too (I soap while he rinses).

We have about four or five home-cooked meals that we both enjoy and we basically just rotate them week to week.  But, after a while we add a new dish to the mix.  I’ll learn something new from mom or a girl friend and surprise him with it one night.

Small changes creates new growth and stimulation to your relationship without falling into boredom and we always feel like “we’ve just moved in” every time we change things around.

4.      Engage in Good Conversation – Learn New Things

Engaging in meaningful dialogue that does not consist of talking about family, friends or every day matters can boost your marriage.

Very easily we can fall into talking about what’s happening in our lives right now, which is fine and needed.  However, your relationship truly grows and tests new boundaries when you learn new things and share them with your spouse.

My husband shares new things he is always learning from blogging, marketing and computer stuff.  To be honest, this is foreign to me.  But, it is something that he is motivated by and by listening to him I have learned a lot of interesting things about it (and he has convinced me to write this article for example, lol.)

It’s nice to talk about the books or articles I’ve read and thought about with my husband so I can gain his perspective, learn about him and enrich my own.  At times, when we disagree on a topic, our persuasive strategies kick in, allowing for a good debate.

When other temporary things fall away that make you happy – a good conversation can last a life-time.

5.      Be Alive and Excited about Life

Do you remember the first time you met your husband?  Probably one of those awkward meetings or something.  But, I remember both of us being alive and happy.  We tried to look our best and be interesting too.  I don’t remember either of us letting all of our problems out!

I’ve met a few sisters in the last little while that exude a certain kind of sadness or worry or fear that they don’t even realize that they exude.  They actually walk around with a frown!

They might have a problem or concern that of course makes them look and feel a certain way, but over time if the sad state continues it can really dampen the best of relationships.

Yes, the honeymoon phase (they say it’s the two year mark) can reach it’s end – but it doesn’t have to!  If you find yourself bored and sad, then it is really up to you to make a change in the relationship.  If you are seriously upset about something, then seek help!

There are so many things to be excited and alive about in the world!  You might need a change in your circle of friends (who really do have a big influence on how you see and do things) or you might need a new hobby or need to get outside and get fresh air on a regular basis.

Being energetic and happy and willing to try new things with your husband is an important aspect of marriage.  Being grumpy and unmotivated can lead to a whole bunch of problems for both of you.  Find a new friend or a new hobby or a new book and get excited about life.  Your husband will notice the energy and cheerfulness in you and you could change the atmosphere of your home and relationship just by changing your mood.

6.      Have One Good Girl Friend (Or Mom) – Share your Problems with Grace

There are some things that you just need to tell a girl friend because she will just understand and some things you can only tell your husband and it is important to know the difference.

It is very easy to get so comfortable with our husbands that we share some  things with them that they really could be spared.  There is a certain kind of respect and dignity a husband needs to have.  And, sisters, there is a certain level of respect and dignity he also has for you, too.

I have seen too many times, sisters complaining about other sisters, their clothes or their characters to their husbands.  Please don’t do this!  Sharing secrets or worse the flaws of other sisters to your husbands is a big no-no, especially if the sister confided in you.  Even though you and your husband are a pair, your sister friend should not feel that everything she tells you is going straight to the husband!

This is not only gossip and forbidden in Islam, but boring and undignified to your husband.  Instead, having a good girl friend or even your mom or someone else you trust provides an excellent outlet to let out frustrations that can dampen a marriage or a husband’s mood or respect for you.

In the same vein, sisters should not tell other sisters their husband’s secrets!  It’s okay to seek advice but not in a way that can make your husband lose respect in front of your friend.

Your husband can be your best friend and will be with you to the very end, inshaAllah.  It is not worth it to lose your husband and what matters to him over a friend who no matter how close they are, can end up not being there for you in the end.

7.      Dress Up and Smell Good – Take Care of Your Outward and Inward Appearance

Finally, after years of searching for the “one” you are married!  You look into the face of your spouse and you think, “so it was you” that I was meant to marry.  And, the marriage chapter of your life begins.

Marriage is “half our deen” and now that there is this one man in your life, this is your chance to make it everything you’ve ever dreamed of.  And one fun thing a Muslim Wife can do is simply dress up and smell good.

I always think it’s interesting that sisters (and brothers) can be “frumpy” in their homes but as soon as they step out of the door they dress up and go all out.  Very often we dress up for the world (strangers who we don’t know or at our workplace) and sometimes we just let ourselves go in front of  family and our spouses.

I think it’s great that couples get so comfortable with each other that they can stay in their pajamas all day.  But, sisters, simply dressing up and smelling good can really uplift your husband’s appreciation of you and may make him dress up and smell good for you too.

If you are a stay-at-home sister/mom, yeah you can stay in your pajamas all day – but if you know your husband is coming home at 5:30, then change into something nice and put on some perfume at 5:00!

Taking care of personal hygiene and working on yourself inwardly is sure to add to your overall character.  Reading Quran, catching up on a Islamic lecture, praying and making heartfelt dua’a all add to the beauty of you.

So, strike a balance between the outward and the inward appearance of you and watch the positive benefits come into your marriage and family.

8.      Be Affectionate – Don’t Hold Back Your Love

I think culturally, many sisters can bring a lot of baggage to their marriages and it is not our fault because it’s the way we’ve all grown up.

Some of us have been too immersed in Western culture and seen all the movies that we have expectations of our husbands to act a certain way or we are the complete opposite where we have been so sheltered that marriage and the thought of living with a boy (when you are married) is strange and almost – wrong!

And, it is strange.  All of our lives, sisters grow up in the homes of parents only to leave them (quite suddenly) to live with a complete stranger (most people only know each other for a short while before they get married.)

But, the truth of the matter is that marriage is a noble sunnah that is one of the most beautiful aspects of our deen.  And, one of the best things a Muslim Wife can do is to be affectionate, even if it has to be learned over time.  This is your husband now.  The one man that you married and will be married to for ever, inshaAllah.  Be affectionate with your husband, whatever that means to you, and the affection will lead to a closer and more connected relationship.

Human touch, whether it be holding hands or a hug, leads to Mercy (Rahma) in relationships whether it is with your husband, sister friends or even your parents.  So, be affectionate often and reap the benefits.

9.      Go the Extra Mile – He’ll Notice (Hopefully)

Going the extra mile means doing something for your husband that goes above and beyond what he expects of you.

If he asked you to make a meal for his family, it means you go all out and make the dishes with care and effort.

If you are going out for a special day, it means you take time to find the right outfit and perhaps wear it a bit differently than he is used to.  It could mean sending him a random text message to say you are thinking of him or a random e-card.

It could mean spending extra time listening to him talk to you about his concerns without you changing the subject.  It could mean baking home-made cookies, inviting him on a special day you have planned, making him a gift or cleaning his desk space.

It could mean wearing earrings if you normally don’t at home, or giving him free time to work-out or for his hobby, or even helping him get ready in the morning with a packed lunch with a nice note inside.

The ideas are endless and with a bit of extra time and effort, your husband will appreciate the little details you’ve paid attention to, inshaAllah.

10. Say “Thank You” – Be Grateful for Small and Big Things

One of the hadiths that scare me to death is the one that says, “The majority of hell is made up of women who were ungrateful to their husbands.” Yikes!

So, say thank you every night to your husband before you go to sleep for anything and everything that he has done for you.  Don’t overlook things you have got used to like him buying groceries, helping out with dishes, listening to your problems or simply going to work everyday.

Remember the big things and the small things and soon all small things will turn into big things for you, inshaAllah.

Thank him sincerely: “Thank you for helping with the dishes because it really cuts the time out I have to spend in the kitchen.” Rather than simply saying thank you, explain yourself to him and tell him why it’s important to you and that you noticed.

He will feel happy that he could help and may make him feel like doing it even more for you!  Most importantly, give thanks to Allah, most Generous, and He will increase your marriage even more, inshaAllah.

Parting Thoughts

This list is a reminder first to myself before I send them to you.  All of these are from experience of being married for almost three years now.  You may agree or disagree, but these are just some things that have helped the both of us over time.

And, we are always learning and growing and making mistakes, alhamdulillah, it’s all part of the journey.  Feel free to share more insight or your own tips with us in the comments below.

InshaAllah, may Allah pour blessing upon blessing into all our marriages!  Ameen!

SOURCE:

Interview with Shareefah Andu -Life of a muslimah

This is one of muslimah i had always admired. She is based in Lagos Nigeria, a wife mother and entrepreneur. So read along and learn one or two ideas or ideal about being a true muslimah.

Three words best describe Shareefah Andu: Determined, driven and a goal getter. She opens up to Nkarenyi Ukonu on her life and all of the things she is involved in.

Shareefah Andu is every inch a Muslim woman and this is made all the more obvious by her veiled hair. But besides the veiled hair, her dress sense even though simple still makes her come across as a stylish person who doesn‘t compromise on good quality, vintage and timeless pieces of apparel.

She says, ”I wasn‘t covering my hair until 12 years ago. I went for hajj in 1998 and by then I was ready to do things the way the Quran spells it out, that a woman should cover her hair so that she will be noted as a Muslim and she will not be molested. Just like the Catholic nuns who will never go anywhere with their hair uncovered.

”So for me, it is the religious level I have gotten to that informed my choice to have my hair covered and still be stylish at the same time. I want to be seen to be coordinated, I don‘t just want people to see my hair covered, I want them to notice that it has been stylishly covered. I also think it suits me.”

Covering her hair and being stylish at the same time is not all there is to Abeokuta, Ogun State born Andu. The sociology graduate of the University of Ibadan is in fact many things rolled in one. Starting out as a journalist in charge of the children‘s pages in Nigerian Tribune Newspaper, she rose through the ranks to head the women‘s desk and after four years left for the banking industry for want of something more challenging to do and to earn something commensurate to her hard work. Berthing at Equitorial Trust Bank, she later left for the then Trans International Bank from where she decided to leave to run her own show. ”I decided to just stop working for anyone because I felt there were other things I could do. I started my business called Arabel because I found a vacuum to be filled. There were no shops where high quality Islamic materials were sold then, so I took the plunge, convinced that the business would do well,” 48 year old Andu explains.

Even though the shop which has been in existence for 12 years has become a success story, the restless soul that Andu is sought for other ventures that were intellectually stimulating rather than just doing buying and selling which she felt any green horn could do. ”In my fantasy, I feel as if I am a cloud, and can‘t be pinned down somewhere, I just like to express myself and do things my own way. I eventually went back to writing.

”I think I get a lot of fulfilment from writing and I think I should have remained in that profession all along but you know, God has a way of working things out for everybody. So in 2004, I wrote a Muslim book and the printer made a mistake, he just didn‘t get it right so I burnt the 2000 copies. I put in a lot of effort and wanted the production to be right, because if it isn‘t, people won‘t read it and all my efforts would have gone to waste.

”I would personally not read a book that isn‘t well produced, no matter what the content of the book is. I knew I had to do something really good, so I took it to another printer where I came across the daily devotional, something that isn‘t available in Islam and I knew there would be a need for it. Living in the light of Allah is quite popular and people love it.”

Not one to rest on her oars, she sought another void to fill. Andu whose way of life is guided by being genuinely kind, just and helpful to people decided to add another publication to her kitty. After writing and publishing the daily devotional for six years, she decided to start a bi-monthly life style magazine called Zephyr. ”I decided to write for everyone instead of just concentrating solely on Muslims. I saw another need to be met. I see a lot of magazines that are sectional, not all embracing and I wanted something that had an element of everything, something one would enjoy reading.”

In actual fact, the idea to float a lifestyle magazine was formed about four years earlier but the production was stalled for want of a proper and befitting name. A yet to be registered name, Zephyr meaning soft gentle wind was eventually chosen for it. ”It sounded nice, powerful, exotic and meaningful. I had decided within me that if the name was available, then that meant that God was speaking to me to go ahead with the magazine but if it wasn‘t, then it meant I would have to drop the idea of floating a magazine forever. Luckily it was available.”

Just two months old, Andu says of the magazine, ”The reception has been wonderful, people have started to accept it, they love it very much and it has been encouraging. I believe it is going to be everywhere and I say with all sense of modesty that with time, it would be very unstylish not to have a copy of Zephyr.” Asked why the magazine is bi-monthly, she says, ”Because I have my hands in a lot of pies. I decided to test run it on a bi-monthly basis to see how it would turn out but I intend for it to become a monthly magazine eventually.”

Somewhat a surprise that a hardcore Muslim like her doesn‘t shy away from expressing her inner self or fantasy in whatever form without any inhibitions, she tries to debunk the notion. ”I don‘t think Islam has anything to do with trying to suppress one‘s fantasy and I do not think Muslims should have any inhibitions about anything. I haven‘t done anything that is un-Islamic, everything I have done is within Islamic injunctions. Everything I have done is what anyone can do regardless of what religion you practise. I am not a timid person, I am a goal getter.”

Continuing, Andu who lived a comfortable life growing up because her mother, Shifaa Adebimpe provided for them says, ”My mother always told myself and my only sister that there is nothing we cannot do. I remember the first time I was going to drive to Ibadan from Lagos, I was so scared, but my mum talked me into it saying I could do it. She encourages us to do anything. So right from a very young age, taking bold steps has always been a part of me, there is nothing I want to do that I cannot do as long as it isn‘t obscene, illegal or unethical.

”I know people who have worked in about eight, nine places in about 12 years. I try to stay at least five years in one place but I just get so restless I have to do more because I believe that the human capacity is so elastic, we don‘t use 40 per cent of what we can actually do. We can stretch ourselves. I know I can still stretch myself and I can still keep going.”

Wondering how she finds the time to do all of the things she is involved in and if she ever makes out time to unwind, Andu who isn‘t biased about having members of staff who are Christians offers. ”I don‘t know how, I just know that I get them done. When you love to do something, you don‘t feel it is a big chore. I like to work, work is like a stimulant for me. But really why are we here, to just eat, sleep, go to parties? You have to be able to do things and see that you are doing things. For me that is what I enjoy doing and then I read a lot, comics especially. I only go to parties as a matter of obligation, if I have my way, I won‘t attend any because I do not really enjoy parties.”

She considers her greatest challenge to be when she mismanaged funds at the initial stage of her business. ”It was the most challenging period of my life but I came out of it stronger and better experienced. I just knew that there would always be light at the end of a tunnel, so I held on to that as it gave me confidence that I would survive and get over it, and I did.”

Even though she feels her best is yet to come, she however feels that one singular daring move she has ever made in her life was when she went on a tour of the South-West by road. ”I think that tour was one of the reasons I got broke in the first instance. I was on the road for one month. I hired a big truck, costing N500,000 to ferry a big container of Islamic stuffs I brought in from Dubai and I was going from place to place exhibiting them with big media coverage. I was just having fun trying to build a brand but for people, that wasn‘t a way to run a business.”

SOURCE: PUNCH online by By Nkarenyi Ukonu –

Undercover’ in hijab: unveiling one month later

Hilton Als, an African American writer, says our worldview and sense of “otherness” is created in our mother’s lap.

Mother’s lap is protective and familiar. Leaving this worldview can be uncomfortable, but I can assure you, the rewards are much greater.

Hijab
Last month, I climbed out of my “lap” and wore a hijab, the Muslim headscarf.  I thought this temporary modification of my appearance would bring me closer to an understanding of the Muslim community, but in retrospect, I learned more about my place in the world.

Simplified, one piece of fabric is all it takes to turn perspectives upside-down.

The hijab is a contested, sacred and sometimes controversial symbol, but it is just a symbol. It is a symbol of Islam, a misconstrued, misunderstood religion that represents the most diverse population of people in the world — a population of more than one billion people.

I realized the best way to identify with Muslims was to take a walk in their shoes. On Oct. 1, I covered my head with a gauze scarf and grappled with the perceptions of strangers, peers and even my own family.

Because of perceptions, I even struggled to write this column. My experience with the hijab was personal, but I hope sharing what I saw will open a critical conversation.

My hijab silenced, but simultaneously, my hijab brought unforgettable words.

Idea
In the first column I wrote this semester, I compared college to an alarm clock saying, “we see the face of a clock, but rarely do we see what operates behind it.” At the time, I did not realize how seriously I needed to act on my own words — as a journalist, a woman and a human.

A few weeks after I wrote that piece, a guest columnist addressed Islamophobic sentiments regarding the proposed “ground zero” mosque. The writer was Muslim, and she received a flurry of feedback.

The comments online accumulated like a swarm of mindless pests. The collective opinion equated Islam to violence and terrorism.

In response to her column, one comment said, “[The writer] asks us to trust Islam. Given our collective experience, and given Islam’s history I have to wonder what planet she thinks we are on.”

Although I did not know the voices behind these anonymous posts, I felt involuntarily linked to them — because I am not Muslim. I wanted to connect people, and almost instinctively, I decided that a hijab was necessary. A hijab could help me use my affiliation with “white,” non-Muslims to build rapport with the Islamic community and at the same time, show non-Muslims the truth from an unheard voice. Above all, I wanted to see and feel the standard lifestyle for so many women around the world — because I’m curious, and that’s why I’m a journalist.

Before I took this step, I decided to propose my idea to the women who wear headscarves every day. Little did I know, a room full of strangers would quickly become my greatest source of encouragement and would make this project more attainable.

The handshake
Initially, I worried about how the Muslim community would perceive a non-Muslim in a hijab, so I needed its approval before I would start trying on scarves. On Sept. 16, I went to a Muslim Student Association meeting to introduce myself.

When I opened the door to the meeting room, I was incredibly nervous. To erase any sign of uncertainty, I interjected to a girl seated across the room, “meeting starts at 7, right?”  The girl, it turns out, was Heba Suleiman, the MSA president. After I explained my plan, her face lit up.

“That is an amazing idea,” she said.

I felt my tension and built-up anxiety melt away. In the minutes following, I introduced myself to the whole group with an “asalaam alaykum,” and although I was half-prepared for it, I was alarmed to hear dozens of “wa aylaykum asalam” in response.

Before I left, several girls approached me. I will not forget what one girl said, “this gives me hope.” Another girl said, “I’m Muslim, and I couldn’t even do that.” It did not hit me until then, that this project would be more than covering my hair. I would be representing a community and a faith, and consequentially, I needed to be fully conscious of my actions while in hijab.

First steps “undercover”
Two weeks later, I met Heba and her friend Leanna for coffee, and they showed me how to wrap a hijab. The girls were incredibly helpful, more than they probably realized. Although this project was my personal undertaking, I knew I wouldn’t be alone — this thought helped me later when I felt like ripping off the hijab and quitting.

Responses to my hijab were subtle or nonexistent. I noticed passing glances diverted to the ground, but overall, everything felt the same. Near the end of the month, a classmate pointed out that a boy had been staring at me, much to my oblivion. The hijab became a part of me, and until I turned my head and felt a gentle tug, I forgot it was there.
For the most part, I carried out life as usual while in hijab. I rode my bike and felt the sensation of wind whipping under my headscarf. I walked past storefront windows, caught a glimpse of a foreign reflection and had to frequently remind myself that the girl was me. Hijab became part of my morning routine, and on one morning I biked to class and turned around because I realized I left without it. At the end of the day, I laughed at my “hijab hair” pressed flat against my scalp.

The hijab sometimes made me uneasy. I went to the grocery store and felt people dodge me in the aisles — or was that just my imagination?

I recognize every exchange I had and every occurrence I report may be an assumption or over analysis because few of my encounters were transparent. The truth is, however, very few of my peers said anything about the hijab. My classmates I’ve sat next to for more than a year, my professors and my friends from high school — no one addressed the obvious, and it hurt. I felt separated from the people who know me best — or so I thought.

A gap in the conversation exists, and it’s not just surrounding my situation.

Just over a week ago, I turned on the news to see Juan Williams, a former NPR news analyst fired for commentary about Islam. Williams said, “If I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous.”

His statement revealed an internalized fear. And I saw this fear when my colleagues dodged the topic. When I went back to ask “why?,” several said it was too “touchy” or insensitive to bring up.

A hijab is a just symbol, like a cross, a star or an American flag. I am still the same Cassidy Herrington — I didn’t change my identity, but I was treated like a separate entity.

Talk is not cheap
When someone mentioned my hijab without my provocation, I immediately felt at ease. A barista at my usual coffee stop politely asked, “Are you veiling?” A friend in the newsroom asked, “Are your ears cold?”

My favorite account involves a back-story.

I love Mediterranean and Middle Eastern cuisine, and I garnered an appetite when I was young. My childhood home neighbored my “third grandmother,” the most loving second-generation Lebanese woman and exceptional cook (not an exaggeration, she could get me to eat leafy vegetables when I was a child zealot of noodles and cheese). I remember knocking on her back door when I was five, asking for Tupperware brimming with tabouleh.

When King Tut’s opened on Limestone, my school year swiftly improved to a fabulously garlicky degree. At least once a week, I stopped by to pick up the tabouleh, hummos or falafel to medicate my case of the newsroom munchies.

On Oct. 21, the owner, Ashraf Yousef, stopped me before I went inside.

“I heard about your project, and I like it,” he said. “And you look beautiful in your hijab.”

This encounter was by far the best. And it made my shawarma sandwich taste particularly delicious. I went back on my last day to thank him, and Yousef said, “I’m just giving my honest opinion, with the hijab, you look beautiful. It makes your face look better.”

Yousef asked if I would wear the hijab to his restaurant when the project was over. I nodded, smiled and took a crunchy mouthful of fattoush.

False patriotism
I did not receive intentional, flagrant anti-Muslim responses. I did, however, receive an e-mail allegedly “intended” for another reader. The e-mail was titled “My new ringtone.” When I opened the audio file, the Muslim prayer to Mecca was abruptly silenced by three gunshots and the U.S. national anthem.

I spoke to the sender of the e-mail, and he said, “It was just a joke.” Here lies a problem with phobias and intolerance — joking about it doesn’t make it less of an issue. When was it ever okay to joke about hatred and persecution? Was it acceptable when Jews were grotesquely drawn in Nazi cartoons? Or when Emmet Till was brutally murdered?

The e-mail is unfortunate evidence that many people inaccurately perceive Islam as violent or as “the other.” A Gallup poll taken last November found 43 percent of Americans feel at least a “little” prejudice against Muslims. And if you need further confirmation that Islamophobia exists, consult Ann Coulter or Newt Gingrich.

Hijab-less
I’ve been asked, “Will you wear the hijab when it’s over?” and initially, I didn’t think I would — because I’m not Muslim, I don’t personally believe in hijab. Now that I see it hanging on my wall and I am able to reflect on the strength it gave me, I think, yes, when I need the headscarf, I might wear it.

Ashraf said, “A non-Muslim woman who wears a hijab is just wearing a headscarf.” (and apparently, my face “looks better.”) Appearances aside, when I wore the hijab, I felt confident and focused. I wore the hijab to a news conference for Rand Paul, and although an event coordinator stopped me (just me, except for one elusive blogger) to check my credentials, I felt I accurately represented myself as an intelligent, determined journalist — I was not concerned with how I looked, but rather, I was focused on gathering the story.

So now, I return to my first column of the year. I’ve asked the questions, and I’ve reached across the circles. Now, it’s your turn. You don’t have to wear a hijab for a month to change someone’s life or yours. The Masjid Bilial Islamic Center will host a “get to know your neighbors” on Nov. 7, and UK’s Muslim Student Association is having “The Hajj” on Nov. 8. These are opportunities for non-Muslims to be better informed and make meaningful connections.

I want to thank Heba for being a friend and a resource for help. Thank you to Ashraf Yousef and King Tut for the delicious food and the inspiration. Finally, I apologize to the individuals who feel I have “lied” to them about my identity or who do not agree with this project. I hope this page clears things up — you have the truth now, and I hope you find use for it.

Why are we so afraid to talk about this? We are not at war with Islam. In fact, Muslim soldiers are defending this country. Making jokes about terrorism is not going to make the situation less serious. Simply “tolerating” someone’s presence is not enough.

If you turn on the news, you will inevitably hear the prefix, “extremist,” when describing Islam. What you see and hear from the media is fallible — if you want the truth, talk to a Muslim.

Source

Questions to ask a prospective husband

When choosing a partner, there are numerous issues which may lead to friction and conflict. Following the principle that prevention is better than cure, it seems wise to air these issues before a match is finalized. Some of the issues may appear trivial or mundane, but the stuff of everyday life is also the stuff of arguments! Other issues are more serious, and may be indicative of the potential for a stormy and abusive marriage. Each marriage will have its ups and downs, but settling some of these matters may avoid the emergence of major, insoluble problems and consequent heartbreak.

These are all questions that may be asked directly or else “researched” by observation, asking his relatives, members of the community, etc. The prospective bride may ask some of these questions when the couple meet, but many women may feel too shy to ask outright. Family or friends can also help with the research – in many Muslim countries, relatives of prospective partners often visit to check the person out!

Asking/answering such questions is not gheebah or backbiting, and people should not hesitate to tell the truth when it concerns a possible marriage; the intent is to establish whether these two people are compatible. Avoiding a poor match will save all concerned from much heartache. At the same time, whether the marriage proceeds or not, any information thus gathered should be kept confidential – any “faults” uncovered should not be generally broadcast in the community!

These suggested questions are derived from two sources: an article entititled “Spousal Abuse and its Prevention” by Br. Abdul Rehman in Islamic Sisters International, and the feedback I received during a workshop I led on “Choosing a Marriage Partner” at the ISSRA Conference on Health and Social Issues, Toronto, May 25, 1996.

The Big Issues:

(1) What makes him angry and how does he deal with his anger?

Does he blame everybody but himself?

Does he stop talking to the person involved?

Does he bear grudges (“I’ll get him back one day!”)

Has he ever physically or mentally abused anyone with whom he was angry?

Does he get angry when those who may be wiser disagree or suggest an alternative point of view?

Does he ever forgive those with whom he was angry?

(2) How does he behave during a crisis?

Does he blame everyone except himself?

Does he become hostile towards an uninvolved member of an ethnic group which is known to abuse followers of Islam?

What steps does he take to face and deal with pressure?

Does he remain optimistic that things will get better, and that after every difficulty comes ease?

(3) How does he feel about women’s rights in a Muslim home?

Did he ever observe abuse from his father towards his mother?

Did he ever act to prevent abuse at home? How?

Did he believe that his father was always right?

Does he believe that all women deserve abuse?

How does he make decisions? Does he rely on his own wisdom? Does he consult with close friends?

Will he be willing to consult with his spouse on any decision?

Does he stick firmly to his decisions?

(4) How does he deal with money matters?

Does he save his money for the future?

Does he give money to charities?

When he decides to buy something, will he consult his spouse in making the decision?

How does he describe his own spending and attitude towards money?

(5) What does he expect from his wife and children?

How would he react if his expectations are not met?

What is his vision of family life?

Would he pitch in and co-operate in family chores and the upbringing of children?

Would he be willing to change to accommodate your views?

(6) What are his family like?

Are his family religious, or will you be the only one in hijab?

Does their approach to Islam differ from yours – will you be the only “fundamentalists” in a family whose Islam is more “traditional”?

If this is a mixed match, are his folks open to outsiders, or will you face clannishness and exclusion?

(7) What is his medical background?

(Many Imams in the US are now refusing to conduct Nikah until they see proof that the couple have undergone blood tests and been given a clean bill of health)

Has he ever had an AIDS test, and what was the result?

Is there any history of major illness in his family?

(8) What are his views on education of women and children?

Will he allow you to continue and/or return to education?

What are his views on education and schooling of children? If you have strong views on Islamic schools, home schooling, etc., find out if his views coincide with yours.

Will he take part in the children’s upbringing and education? Will he teach them Qur’an?

(9) Where does he want to live?

Does he want to settle in the country where you now live?

Does he want to return to his homeland? Does he want to move to a new country altogether?

Will the family have to move frequently because of his profession?

Will he take your feelings into account when deciding where to live?

Does he aspire to a large and luxurious home, or will he settle for less? Does he want to live in the heart of the city, in the suburbs, or in an isolated rural setting?

Day-to-day matters

Some of these are individual preferences – what may deeply concern some may not even be an issue to others, but if you have some strong feelings on a matter, it is better to get it out into the open before you make a commitment:

(1) Food:

Do you agree on the “halal meat” issue – some people will only eat halal-slaughtered meat, whilst others will eat any “meat of the Jews and Christians” as long as it’s not pork.

Does he insist on only eating the food of his own ethnic group, or are his tastes more eclectic?

Will he insist on having every meal cooked from scratch, or will you be able to have convenience food or take-away on busy days?

Does he have some strong preferences for meat, or will you “go vegetarian” some days?

(2) Smoking:

Does he smoke? Do any of his family or friends smoke? Will he let people smoke in your non-smoking home?

(3) Going Out:

How does he feel about women going outside the home? studying outside? working outside?

Will he want to “check out” your friends and only let you visit those of whom he approves?

How does he feel about women driving?

(4) Pets:

Are either of you very keen to keep pets at home?

Do either of you have any allergies, dislikes, or phobias when it comes to animals?

Taken from Bent Rib: A Journey through women’s issues in Islam by Huda al-Khattab

{SOURCE}

The Greatest Women Who Ever Lived

Sparkling gems in their own times, they continue to glisten beyond their age, making their appeal everlasting…Each one a legend in her own right, they were declared the best of women by the Last Prophet (SAW)…So what were the special characteristics these illustrious women had and how can we follow in their footsteps in our times? Fatima Barakatullah looks for answers and finds inspiration and guidance.

What are the most famous women of today celebrated for? Those held up as role models for the modern woman include actresses, singers, footballers WAGs (wives and girlfriends) and glamour models – all celebrated for their physical appeal. Very rarely will a woman be deemed ‘successful’ for other than what is really just superficial and then, as is often the case, when she ages and her physical features fade, she will fall out of favour with the media and younger women will replace her as the icons of their era.

But Allah shows us in His Book that a woman is so much more than the outer shell that is her body. Our history is replete with examples of great women who were gems of their times and whose sparkling appeal is timeless. Islam defines for us that the truly successful are those of integrity, who fulfill the purpose of their creation and rise to the challenges that are presented to them throughout life with tenacity, thereby gaining the pleasure of their Creator and everlasting victory in the next life.

The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said in an authentic Hadeeth:

“The best women from the people of Jannah are Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, Fatima daughter of Muhammad, Aasiya bint Muzaahim – the Wife of Pharoah and Mary daughter of Imran, may Allah be pleased with them all.”

In fact Allah specifically mentions two of these great women in the Qur’an, as role models for believing men as well as women. In Surat ut-Tahreem Allah says:

“And Allah has set forth an example for those who believe: The wife of Pharaoh, when she said: “My Lord! Build for me a home with you in Paradise, and save me from the Pharaoh and his actions, and save me from the people who are oppressors.

And Maryam, the daughter of Imran who guarded her chastity. And we breathed into the sleeve of her garment through our Ruh, and she testified to the truth of the words of her Lord and believed in His books and was of those who are obedient to Allah.”

So what were the characteristics that made them worthy of such accolades? What made Allah and His Messenger single out these women above all others? And more importantly, how can we benefit and learn from their example?

They affirmed the Truth immediately

The four greatest women submitted to the Truth and to the commands of Allah immediate, without any hesitation. We see from their stories that Mariam accepted the huge task that Allah had set for her, of going through pregnancy and childbirth by herself, unsupported by a man and then of presenting her child to the people who would inevitably accuse her of being unchaste.

Khadijah accepted Islam immediately and was the first Muslimah. When the Prophet returned from Mount Noor having received the first revelation from Angel Jibreel, it was Khadijah who immediately accepted his message and believed in him even though he himself was shaken by the event.

Lesson I: Today, there is a culture amongst us of ‘Fatwa Shopping’. In other words, when an Islamic ruling makes us feel uncomfortable, instead of saying ‘We hear and we obey’, we just go and ask someone who has another opinion until we find the opinion that is most akin to our own desires. We must become women who, when faced with the truth in any matter, sincerely accept it and submit without hesitation.

They had a strong relationship with Allah

Their knowledge of Allah and His attributes made them close to Him. When the Prophet returned from the Cave of Hira, fearing something bad had happened to him Khadijah knew Allah would never forsake him. She said: “Allah would never humiliate you, for you are good to your relatives, you are true to your word, you help those who are in need, you support the weak, you feed the guest and you answer the call of those who are in distress.” She knew that Allah is Just and does not humiliate the righteous.

Aasiya knew when Pharaoh was torturing her to turn her from her faith, that Allah could hear her cries and her du’a, she asked Allah to build for her, with Him a house in Paradise. During her ordeal, Allah showed her house in Paradise to her, which made her smile, just as she was martyred at the hands of her husband.

Mariam had such a close relationship to her Lord that he would provide her with the fruits of the Summer in the Winter and the fruits of the Winter in Summer. When the Prophet Zakariyyah (AS) saw this he quizzed her about the origin of the food she always had. She said, “This is from Allah. Verily, Allah provides sustenance to whomsoever He wills without limit.”

Lesson II: If we are to become close to Allah we too must have correct knowledge of Him and His names and attributes and mention Him often through His Dhikr. If we remember Him much in times of ease, only then will we be able to remember Him in times of difficulty.

They had Qunoot

Allah describes the True Believing women as being Qaanitaat and described Maryam in particular as having the characteristic of Qunoot. He says in Surah Aal Imran, Aayah 43:”O Maryam! Submit yourself with obedience (Uqnuti) to your Lord and prostrate yourself, and bow down along with those who bow down.”

Qunoot means to stand for long periods in prayer and this was particularly a characteristic of Maryam and Fatima. Qunoot also means to be devoutly obedient and to submit to Allah.

Lesson III: We must become true worshippers of Allah, not only striving to establish our prayers, but striving to concentrate and to lengthen our prayers, in particular, the Night Prayer (tahajjud). We must have soft hearts that accept Allah’s commands and obey him with devotion.

They supported the Believing men in their lives

Aasiya saved the baby Musa from Pharoah and brought him up & believed in him. Mariam was pivotal to the message of Eesa and she brought him to the people as a sign from Allah. Fatima defended her father when the idolators in Makkah threw the blood and carcass of a dead camel on her father’s back while he prayed. She removed the filth and stood up to the men who had attacked her father, only to be slapped in the face by Abu Jahl.

Khadijah stood by the Prophet (saw) and spent her wealth for the sake of his message. She endured the difficult boycott period when the Muslims and their supporters were forced to dwell in a valley away from the people of Makkah and were refused food or trade. The Muslims used to eat the leaves of the trees due to the extreme state of poverty they were in. Khadijah endured these hardships and stood by the Prophet (saw).

Lesson IV: We must support our men folk and help them to be ‘real men’. We must stand by them in times of difficulty and strengthen them when they feel weak in their Iman. It’s amazing the effect that a woman can have on a man’s self-esteem and confidence. Insha Allah, we will be rewarded for helping our men to be better servants of Allah.

They had Courage

Fatima was often seen in the wars that the Muslims fought, treating the wounded and stood up to Abu Jahl when he attacked the Prophet (saw). Mariam had the courage to bring Eesa to people after her difficult ordeal. She knew they would accuse her of being unchaste, yet she bravely obeyed Allah’s command. Khadijah had the courage to follow and encourage the Prophet (saw) in his mission even though she endured hardship due to it. Aasiyah courageously stood up to Pharoah, the greatest tyrant of that time and refused to become a disbeliever.

Lesson V: We have to be prepared to do difficult things in our lives. We must have the courage to speak out to defend the oppressed and to tell people about our Deen without watering it down and we must be prepared to sacrifice anything for the sake of the Truth.

They had Istiqamah and Sabr

Istiqamah means to stand firm upon the straight path and sabr is patient perseverance. In other words, they tenaciously held on to the truth come what may.

Asiyah stayed firm upon the Deen of Musa throught her torture and martyrdom. Mariam had sabr when facing her peoples’ accusations and stayed firm throughout the tests she faced. Khadijah and Fatima endured the three-year boycott that was imposed on them and went through the persecution of Makkah and kept their Iman.

Lesson VI: We live in a time when we need Istiqamah. We need to stay true to the message of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) and not be tempted to water-down our Deen to appease other people. It will mean being patient and displeasing people sometimes, but ultimately we will have pleased Allah and He will give us success.

They had Tawakkul (Reliance Upon Allah)

When she was being persecuted for worshipping Allah, Aasiya’s reliance upon Allah made her stay firm upon Iman and not yield under the intense pressure. Fatima faced poverty and physical hardship after her marriage to Ali to the point that her hands became rough and her face changed colour due to the physically demanding work she was doing. Despite this she was not allowed to receive Zakah and was not granted a servant when she wanted one. Instead the Prophet taught her and Ali to say ‘Subhan Allah’ 33 times and ‘Alhamdulillah’ 33 times and ‘Allahu Akbar’ 34 times. He reminded them that Allah was the One who would make things easier for them so they should put all of their trust in Him. All four of the women persevered in the tests they faced due to their reliance upon Allah and knowledge that He would make their affairs right.

Lesson VII: We must learn to truly have tawakkul in Allah and trust that after we have done our bit, Allah will make everything turn out right as long as we are conscious of Him.

They had Zuhd (were not attached to the life of this world)

The Prophet (saw) once told Fatima to remove the gold bangles she was wearing as he wanted to teach her not to desire this life. She immediately removed the bangles and gave them away in charity. Khadijah spent her wealth in supporting the Da’wah during the Makkan period, she gave up her status as one of the most noble and esteemed women of the Quraysh in order to stand by the Prophet.

Aasiya could have had a life of luxury as she was married to the richest and most powerful man in the world. She gave up the material delights she could have enjoyed if she complied with Pharaoh’s wishes. Yet she chose what was with Allah over this worldly life.

Lesson VIII: We must be willing to give up all we have for the sake of Allah. We must avoid joining in the race to have the best and latest commodities and realise that what is with Allah is so much more.

SOURCE:IdealMuslimah (original source: The Sisters Magazine)

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12 Tips for Young Muslim Youth

Why should you, a young Muslim, be helping to bring your friends closer to Allâh?

After all, you’ve got your own struggles to deal with: trying to explain to hostile teachers why you pray, Hijab discrimination, standing up in class when the professor attacks Islâm, dealing with parents who think you’ve gone nuts because you’re growing a beard, or all the other difficulties faced by a number of practicing Muslim youth?

Islâm was never meant to be an individualistic faith, reserved for the “chosen few”. Muslims have a duty to spread the Deen; and practicing Muslim youth, whether beginners, activists or leaders, have a crucial role to play.

“Allâh has put them in a position that perhaps no one else is in,” notes Sheema Khan, former Muslim Youth of North America (MYNA) advisor for eastern Canada.

“They have the means to communicate with their peers, they have an understanding of what they’re going through plus they have the guidance of Islâm.”

Who is your childhood friend going to listen to? Who is your childhood friend, who would rather spend Fridays at MacDonald’s than the Masjid, or your classmate who is Muslim in name and only knows that “Muslims don’t eat pork” going to listen to: the nice Imam of the Masjid who would freak out if he saw the way they were dressed and talked or you who may have grown up with them, joked with them, or see them everyday in school?

The answer is obvious: You.

Don’t panic. Here are some tips and advice which can help. These are advices from other Muslims, many of whom have been there and done that:

Tip # 1 : Make Your Intention Sincere

All work we do should ideally be for the sake of Allâh. That includes the task of bringing someone closer to Allâh. That of course means this should not be connected to arrogance, thinking you’re the teacher and everyone else should be lucky you’ve embarked on a crusade to save them. Guidance is from Allâh. Make Dua and make sincere efforts and remember Allâh.

Tip # 2 : Practice What You Preach

Not practicing what you preach is wrong and you will lose the confidence of anyone, young or old, once they figure you out. Don’t do it.

Tip # 3 : Use The Qur’ân, Seerah of the Prophet and Ahlulbait (peace be upon them)

As TABLIGH Guides Read and understand those chapters of the Qur’ân which talk about how the Prophets presented the message of Islâm to their people. Read the Seerah to see especially how the Prophet Muhammad and Ahlulbait peace and blessings be upon them) brought Islâm to so many different people, including young people.

As well, talk to Tabligh workers, and check out manuals they may have written, like Yahiya Emerick’s How to Tell Others About Islâm.

Tip # 4 : Talk To People As If You Really Don’t Know Them

Don’t assume you know someone just by looking at them. You don’t know that the Muslim girl in your homeroom who walks through the school’s hallways as if they were fashion show catwalks, is not someone you can talk to about Allâh because she looks like a snob. Or that the Muslim guy who you’ve never seen at Juma at your university is a “bad Muslim”. Maybe he was never really taught Islâm and has no idea what importance Friday prayers have in Islâm, especially for Muslim men.

Tip # 5 : Smile

Did you know the Prophet was big on smiling? But many “practicing” Muslims seem to have “their faces on upside down” as one speaker once said-frowning and serious. Smiling, being polite and kind are all part of the manners of the Prophet, which we must exercise in our daily lives. If we want to approach others with Islâm, we have to make ourselves approachable. Smiling is key to this.

But note that being approachable does not mean being flirtations with the other gender. There are Islâmic rules for how men and women should deal with each other which have to be respected. Tabligh is no excuse to have long and private conversations and meetings with the other sex, for example. Set up a system where someone expressing an interest in Islâm is referred to someone of the same sex.

Tip # 6 : Take The Initiative & Hang Out With Them

Take the first step and invite someone you may have spoken to a couple of times to sit at lunch together, to check out a hockey game or invite them over for Iftaar in Ramadan.

Also, share difficulties, sorrows and frustrations. Help with homework, be a shoulder to cry on when depression hits, or just plain listen when your friend is upset, discuss common problems and KEEP THEIR SECRETS. There are few things as annoying as a snitch and backstabber. But an important note: if the problem is of a serious nature, (i.e. your friend is thinking of committing suicide or is taking drugs), notify and consult an adult immediately.

Tip # 7 : Show Them Islâm Is Relevant Today, Right Here, Right Now

Young people may think Islâm is too “old fashioned” and not in tune with the modern age.

Prove this wrong. Show how Islâm is really about relating to Allâh, which any human being can do, anywhere, anytime. Allâh is always closer to you than your jugular vein and He hears and knows everything. Encourage friends to ask Allâh’s help during tests, exams, and in dealing with problems at home with parents and siblings. Also point out how Islâm relates to teenagers: Islâm gives you focus and an understanding of who you are and where you are going, which most of “teen culture” does not.

Tip # 8 : Get Them Involved In Volunteer Work With You

If you are already involved in the community, get your friend to help out. Ask them to make a flyer for one of your youth group’s events or brainstorm for ideas about activities to hold this school year. This involvement makes them feel part of the Muslim community and deepens your friendship, since you are now working together on something beneficial for both of you. Make sure you thank them for their contribution.

Tip # 9 : Ask Them 4 Fundamental Questions

As your friendship develops, you will notice the topics you discuss may become more serious. You may be discussing, for instance, future goals and plans. We recommends four questions to ask that can steer the topic to Allâh and Islâm:

a. Where am I going in life and what would make me really happy deep down inside?
b. What do I believe?
c. Who should I be grateful to?
d. Did I get to where I am today without the help of anyone?

Tip # 10 : Emphasize Praying 5 Times A Day Before Any Other Aspect Of Islâm

A person’s main connection with Allâh, on a daily basis, is through the prayer five times a day. Don’t emphasize any other aspect of Islâm until your friend starts making a real effort to pray five times a day. Emphasize the direct connection one has with Allâh in prayer. If they are facing a problem, tell them to pray, and to ask Allâh for help in Salah and outside this time. When possible, make it a point to pray together during your “hang out time”. If your friend begins to pray, that is the first step to other aspects of Islâm like giving up swearing, treating parents with respect or dressing Islâmically.

Tip # 11 : Help Instill Confidence In Adults

Adults, like Bart Simpson’s dad Homer, are considered bumbling idiots in the eyes of “teen culture”. Your job as a young Muslim is to help turn the tables on this false and un-Islâmic belief. All you have to do is this: when a Muslim adult does something good (i.e. saving someone’s life, donating money to a worthy cause, the Imam gives a good speech, taking good care of his/her family) bring it up in the course of your conversations with your friend and praise the adult in question. Doing this regularly may not only change your friend’s perspective, but could lead to them seeing their own parents in a more respectful way.

Tip # 12 : Support Them Even When They Become More Practicing

Remember, just because a person starts practicing Islâm more regularly, this does not mean everything will be okay from this point onwards. There will still be hard times, difficulties. There may be time

Source: http://blog.iloveallaah.com

The manners of welcoming the new-born child in Islaam

{This is an important topic especially for the intending or new couples; who either do not know much or are in doubt on “what to do” or “why it is done”, when the joyful cry of the baby arrives. For me it has opened my eyes to some “why it’s done” and has increased my knowledge on this topic . So as usual i share for the sake of Allah.. happy reading …PEACE!}

Children are a source of delight and an adornment for the world granted by Allaah to their parents, they give vigour to the hearts, joy to the souls, pleasure to the eyes. They are the fruit from whom good is to be hoped for when they frequently supplicate:

“Our Lord! Bestow on them your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small”

and they are the ones in every nation upon whom hope for the future lies, and they are the youth of tomorrow upon whose shoulders the call to Islaam is carried. Indeed Islaam has indeed elevated the status of children and has laid down manners for their treatment relating to all their affairs and each stage of their and from these are the manners for welcoming their arrival in this life.

Our Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was a living example, educating, cultivating the Muslims upon the practices of Islaam, teaching them how to worship their Lord in the best of ways. But a number of Muslims have strayed from his pure teachings and have substituted that which is gold for that which worthless.

So here are the manners the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) taught us with regards our new-born.

1) Encouragement to have Children

Allaah says, “So now have sexual relations with them,, and seek that which Allaah has ordained for you.”

And the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Marry the loving and fertile because through you, I will compete with the nations for superiority in numbers” (Abu Dawood)

And it is important that the Parents bring up their children upon righteousness, so that the Parents will benefit from them during their lives and after their death. Allaah’s Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“A servant will have his rank raised and will say, ‘O my Lord how has this come about for me?’ He says, ‘through your sons after you seeking forgiveness for you'” (ibn Maajah)

Know that what has preceded applies equally to both boys and girls, and indeed Islaam has encouraged the bringing up of girls, and Allaah condemns those that are distressed at the birth of a girl, and the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) came elevating the status of this gift from Allaah,

“whoever takes care of two girls until they reach adulthood – he and I will come together on the Day of Resurrection (like this) – and he interlaced his two fingers” (Muslim)

meaning in Paradise. So can their be a greater honour given to daughters?!

2) Giving the good news of the Birth

The near of kin who are anxiously waiting should be informed so that they can stop worrying and congratulate the parents and supplicate for the baby. Allaah mentions this good news being conveyed to a number of His Prophets, from them Zakariyyah of his son Yahya,

“Then the angels called him, while he was standing in prayer in a private room (saying), ‘Allaah gives you glad tidings of Yahya'”

3) Giving the Adhaan in the ear of the newborn

The first practice to do is to make the adhaan in the ear of the baby, so that the first words that the baby hears is the name of Allaah, and the kalima.

It is to be given straight after the birth, or very soon afterwards as he (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) did with his grandson al-Husayn, as is related by Abu Raafi’ who said,

“I saw the Prophet give the adhaan for prayer in the ear of al-Husayn ibn Alee when his mother Faatimah gave birth to him,” (Tirmidhee)

It should be given with it’s usual wording in a voice which is audible to the baby, not so loudly that it risks harm to the baby or alarms it.

Only the adhaan is to be given, not the iqaamah as well as there is no authentic evidence to support this. Giving the adhaan only is also the reported practice of the Khaleefah Umar bin Abdul Azeez. This is closer to the sunnah, and Allaah knows best.

The sunnah has not specified as to which ear it should be given, however the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to love to do good actions starting from the right, so it would be more appropriate to give the adhaan in the right ear.

4) The Tahneek

This means to softening a date and then rubbing the palate of the new-born with it just after the birth or soon after. This is done by putting a piece of the softened date on the finger and rubbing it from left to right in the mouth of the baby.

Ibn Hajr said, “if one is not able to find a dry date, then a fresh date should be used, and if that is not available then anything sweet.” (Fath 9/588)

It is not essential to chew the date rather it may be softened in any way. The action of chewing as reported in the sunnah was something specific to the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) due to the blessings that Allaah had placed in his saliva.

It is done by the father or the mother or anyone from the People of Knowledge whose supplication is hoped would be accepted. So he should perform tahneek and supplicate for the child as was the practice of the Companions.

Imaam Nawawee says, ” scholars are agreed upon the recommendation of performing tahneek upon the baby after it’s birth.” (Sharh Saheeh Muslim 4/122)

Aaishah (radiyallaahu ‘anha) reports, “new-born children used to be brought to the Messenger of Allaah and he would supplicate for blessings for them, and rub a chewed date upon their palate.” (Muslim)

5) Naming the child

The baby may be named on the day of it’s birth or later on the seventh day or past the seventh day, as this is what is clear after study of all the evidences from the sunnah.

It is the father or the mother who chose the name for the baby. If they differ amongst themselves then it is the father who has the choice, he may name it himself or give his wife the right to choose. The fact that this is the right of the father is shown by the principle that the child is ascribed and attributed to the father, as Allaah says,

“Call them (adopted sons) by (the names of) their fathers, that is more just in the Sight of Allaah”

It is also allowed for the parents to allow others to name the child, since our Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to name some of the children of his Companions.

The name should carry a good and praiseworthy meaning as the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“On the Day of Resurrection, you will be called by your names and your fathers names, so make your names good.” (Abu Dawood)

It is recommended to call oneself a servant of Allaah (Abdullaah) or the servant of any of the names of Allaah. Then it is recommended to name a child after a prophet, due to the hadeeth,

“call yourselves by the names of the Prophets” (Abu Dawood)

and the hadeeth,

“a son was born to me this night and I called him after my forefather Ibraaheem” (Muslim)

Then it is recommended to name the child after any pious person in the hope that it will become like him/her. Then it is recommended to name by any name which has good meaning.

It is forbidden to name a child with a name that denote servitude to other than Allaah, for example Abd an-Nabi, Abd ar-Rasool etc, just as it is forbidden to name them with names that are particular to the Unbelievers like George, Michael, Susan etc.

The names of tyrants and evil personalities should be avoided such as Fir’awn, Qaroon, Abu Lahab etc.. Likewise it is disliked to name with the names of the Surahs of the Qur’aan like ‘Taa Haa’ or ‘Yaa Seen’ as is reported from Imaam Maalik and others. There is no authentic hadeeth which ascribes the above two as being names of the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam).

6) The Aqeeqah

After the seventh day of the arrival of the new-born, as a form of welcome for it and to give thanks to the One who gave the blessings, it is prescribed to slaughter a sheep. The Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“Every child is in pledge for it’s Aqeeqah which is sacrificed for it on its seventh day, and it is named on it, and its head is shaved” (Abu Dawood)

If the new-born is a boy then two sheep are to be sacrificed, and if it is a girl then one sheep. This is the position of the majority of the scholars and Companions. The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“for the boy two equal sheep, and for the girl, a single sheep.” (Ibn Maajah)

So it is permissible to sacrifice the male or female sheep or goat, and this is best. As for sacrificing other animals then the scholars have differed over this.

The sacrifice should be done by the father or a close relative, for our Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) performed the Aqeeqah for his two grandsons. It is also obligatory to mention the name of Allaah over it while sacrificing, and if a close relative is performing the Aqeeqah then he should add, ‘this aqeeqah is the Aqeeqah of so and so’ mentioning the name of the person on whose behalf he is performing the aqeeqah, as is reported in the hadeeth related by al-Bayhaqee.

The meat of the sacrifice may be distributed cooked or uncooked,, but it is preferred that it should be cooked as this leads to greater blessing as mentioned by a group of the scholars.

7) Shaving the baby’s head

On the seventh day after the birth the head of the baby should be shaved. So when al-Hasan was born the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) told his daughter, Faatima (radiyallaahu ‘anha),

“shave his head and give the weight of his hair in silver to the poor” (Ahmad)

The right side of the head should be shaved first, then the left as mentioned in the hadeeth,

“shave, and he indicated to the right side of his head, and then the left” (Muslim)

It is not permissible to shave a part of the head and leave a part, as this was prohibited by the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) as reported by al-Bukhaaree. The strongest view seems to be that the head of the boy or the girl should be shaved, as is reported that Faatimah weighed the hair of her daughter (Muwatta) but the scholars differ on this, and Allaah knows best.

The shaving should be done after the sacrifice, and our pious predecessors liked to rub some perfume over the baby’s head after the shaving.

Then it is prescribed to give the value of the baby’s weight of hair in silver in charity, and it is recommended to give this charity on the seventh day also, but it is not necessary to do so, and may be delayed.

8) Circumcision

It is prescribed that the boy be circumcised, it is recommended that the circumcision take place on the seventh day, but it is obligatory to circumcise before the boy reaches

SOURCE: PINK ISLAM

Children are a source of delight and an adornment for the world granted by Allaah to their parents, they give vigour to the hearts, joy to the souls, pleasure to the eyes. They are the fruit from whom good is to be hoped for when they frequently supplicate: