Tests from Allah…

<Do you have a reason to ask “why me?” Are you being tested by Allah? Do you feel your prayers aren’t answered? Times like this we should be grateful rather than sobbing around. Read this and have a change of attitude towards the down times. May Allah blot out our sins and save us from our burdens we cant bear. Amin>

Allah tells us that we will be tested. He also makes it clear to us what is expected from us when we undergo these trials and what our reward will be if we are successful.

He says: “Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods, lives and the fruits (of your toil) but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Those who, when misfortune strikes them, say: `Indeed we belong to Allah and to Him is our return. Those are the ones upon whom are blessings and mercy from their Lord and it is those who are rightly guided.” [Sûrah al-Baqarah: 155]

The Prophet (peace be upon him)said: “No fatigue, illness, anxiety, sorrow, harm or sadness afflicts any Muslim, even to the extent of a thorn pricking him, without Allah wiping out his sins by it.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

In another narration, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “No Muslim is afflicted by harm, whether it is but the prick of a thorn or something worse, without Allah expiating his evil deeds on account of it and his sins falling away from him like leaves off a tree.'” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “When Allah desires good for someone, He tries him with hardships.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]

The Muslim may be tested by all sorts of difficulties like sickness, lack of income, and disobedience from his children. In fact, the many afflictions that may beset a person are incalculable. This is the point that the Prophet (peace be upon him) was stressing when he mentioned: “fatigue, illness, anxiety, sorrow, harm or sadness …even to the extent of a thorn pricking him”.

All of these afflictions, if endured patiently by the believer, are a means of attaining Allah’s forgiveness as well as His reward.

Every one of us is being tested by Allah. He tests us all in different ways. We should not assume that the difficulties that we face in life are punishments or are signs that Allah is displeased with us. Likewise, we should never construe the success and pleasures that others enjoy as signs that Allah is pleased with them or that they are privileged. Sometimes, quite the opposite is true.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “If Allah wants good for his servant, He hurries on His punishment in this world, and if He wills ill for a servant, he holds back punishing him for his sin so He can give it to him in full on the Day of Resurrection. “

Allah makes it clear that everything in our lives – the good and the bad of it– is a trial for us. How will we cope in the situation that Allah has placed for us? Will we be grateful in prosperity and patient in affliction or will we be arrogant and disobedient?

Allah says: “Every soul shall taste of death. And We will test you with evil and with good by way of trial. And to Us is your return.” [Sûrah al-Anbiyâ’: 35].

Allah says: “Know that your wealth and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a mighty reward.” [Sûrah al-Anfâl: 28]

Many people do not realize that they are tried just as severely with the good that they are given as they are by the misfortunes that befall them. Allah says: “And as for man, whenever his Lord tries him by honoring him and makes him lead an easy life, he says: `My Lord honors me’. But when He tries him by straitening his means of subsistence, he says: `My Lord has disgraced me’.” [Sûrah al-Fajr: 15-16]

Some people are blessed to be born and raised in good Muslim families then turn their backs on Islam, while others are born and raised in non-Muslim countries to unbelieving parents and grow up to be among the best of Muslims.

We are tried with wealth as well as poverty. If we are wealthy, will we hoard our wealth or spend in charity? Will we use it for lawful purposes or squander it in vice? Will we trust in Allah in our investments, or will our avarice and fear of losing our wealth make us take recourse to unlawful means to preserve it and increase it?

If we are poor, will we be content and patient and seek lawful means to attain our sustenance or will we resort to unlawful means to meet our needs? Will we accept the fact that Allah gives more to some people than he does to others, or will we grow hateful and vindictive?

We are tested with health as well as sickness. A man with good eyesight is tested with regards to his use of it. Will he use the blessing of his sight to good purpose or to gaze at unlawful things? His good eyesight may be what takes him to Hell. A blind man is tested whether he will bear patiently with his disability. His patience in affliction may be what earns him his place in Paradise. Our goal is the Hereafter and we are all being tested.

Allah says: “It is He who created death and life that He may try you as to which of you is best in deeds.” [Sûrah al-Mulk: 2]

We may also be tested through others. We know from experience that even a small child can experience suffering as well as a person who is mentally handicapped to such a degree that he cannot understand the concepts of Islam and is not legally accountable. Though it may not be that such a person is not undergoing tests of his own; however his plight may very well be a test for those his life affects. How will they treat him? Will they care for him, respect him, and give him his rights?

We may not be able to fathom the wisdom behind why Allah decrees what He does for us or for others of His creatures. However, we must know that Allah does everything in accordance with His wisdom and bear our trials patiently.

Ultimately, we must remember the words of Allah in the Qur’ân: “He cannot be questioned for what He does but they will be questioned.” [Sûrah al-Anbiyâ’: 23]

Culled SOURCE: http://mwcsg.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=42&Itemid=1

BY: Sheikh Khâlid Husayn

Observe Etiquettes With Your Spouse

<Building the ummah starts from home! love and imaan between the dad & mum spreads over to the kids..shared by relatives…enjoyed by colleagues …felt by neighborhoods …supported by muslims…leads to change in the society…. So lets talk about some basic ettiquettes to help improve our homes and ummah at large!>

Without a set of rules and orders to be applied and respected, life would be chaotic and uncivilized. A home that is based on desires will be destroyed by them. A home that is built on water will sink into it. A house that is constructed in the path of the flood will be destroyed by that flood. A family that is founded on piety and obedience to Allaah The Almighty cannot be uprooted, even by the strongest of winds.

“Build your house on rock” is the advice of many grandfathers to their grandsons. What a wonderful order it is when it is followed at home, at school, in the factory, in the mosque and on the street. Conversely, how great is the ugliness of chaos at home, at school, at the clubs and on the street. One of the great tasks that Allaah The Almighty assigned to His Messengers was to teach people good manners. Some people call virtues and good manners etiquettes. Anyone who observes these rules is regarded as being civilized and well-mannered. On the other hand, anyone who violates these rules is considered uncivilized and ill-mannered.

We usually observe manners around strangers, so that we would gain their trust, respect and appreciation. However, often when we are around our loved ones who live with us or our life partners, we act thoughtlessly. We might hurt their feelings unintentionally and sometimes even intentionally hurt them because we think that etiquettes should be observed only while dealing with strangers. When dealing with close ones, we are often rough, thoughtless, and uncouth. Therefore, every newly-wed couple should agree together on rules to be written in the form of a document or an agreement that includes everything that can enrich their life and provide it with pleasure through activities, various hobbies, visits, meditations, and journeys. The purpose of this agreement is to enhance the spouse’s respect and appreciation for each other, and to decrease the amount of disagreements and maltreatment.

They should agree on a penalty that will befall either of them who violates any of the terms of the agreement. Penalties can include desertion for no more than a day or two, an apology to the wronged spouse, paying an amount of money or to buy a gift to make it up to the wronged spouse. Then, both parties should willingly sign that document. In the course of time, new terms can be added and old terms may be deleted. However, order should remain in effect and respect should be ongoing.

Some Rules for Good Manners

Some of the good manners that Islam and people with illuminated minds encourage, which some people may call etiquettes, are:

1-   To ask permission and knock before entering anyone’s room.

2-   To say “Assalaamu ‘alaykum…” when entering the home, the room or the car.

3-   The person who is leaving a room should ask those inside the room whether they need anything from outside.

4-   A person should not read a letter, a check or a piece of paper that does not belong to him.

5-   To return anything, such as a book or a ruler, that we borrow.

6-   To buy a new object if we break or damage something belonging to someone else.

7-   To put anything which belongs to the other partner back where it was if we move it.

8-   To apologize to the person we wrong.

9-   To accept the apology of the wrongdoer without blaming excessively.

10-               To have quiet, respectful speech that does not have any foul language in it.

11-               To speak the truth even if it is bitter but in a gentle, unoffending way.

12-               To offer advice to the one who needs it without any haughtiness.

13-               To be pleased when our partner is pleased. If one weeps, the other should be sad and weep or at least try to weep.

14-               To share in happy occasions and not miss them.

15-               To respect, appreciate, and praise the other’s hobbies as if they were ours.

16-               Not to return an irritable, rash attitude with a similar one.

17-               To help the other fulfill his tasks quickly, if he needs help.

18-               Not to make up arguments or reopen closed subjects of disagreement so as not to renew pain and sorrow.

19-               Tolerance and forgiveness are some of the noblest attributes.

20-               To distribute the tasks between both parties. Everyone should fulfill their duty before demanding their rights.

21-               Never lie; no matter how big the mistake we try to hide is. Lying is the father of all sins and a liar will not enter Paradise.

22-               If the spouses see an incident together and one of them narrates it to others differently from how his/her spouse sees it, the other spouse must not comment or belie them; let him/ her complete the story the way they see it.

23-               Never steal no matter how badly money is needed.

24-               To love for the spouse what one loves to himself/herself and try to comfort him/her as much as possible.

25-               Maintaining patience in times of adversity is an act of worship. Frequent praising of Allaah The Almighty is obligatory.

26-               Salaah (Prayer) is the pillar of the religion, and confidence in Allaah The Almighty is the basis of success and certainty.

27-               Everyone should call their partner by the name they like and not to take liberties in dialogue or joking in private or among others.

SOURCE: http://www.islamweb.net/womane/nindex.php?page=readart&id=149409

Nurturing ourselves

In our fast-paced lives, it is difficult to place a priority on nurturing ourselves. Women are particularly prone to ignoring their own needs and neglecting themselves as they give much of their time and energy to others.

Women are natural caretakers who instinctively focus on the well-being of other people. We tend to think that nurturing ourselves will not complete a project, care for a loved one, make money, or get dinner on the table. With work, home, and other responsibilities, nurturing ourselves often moves to the bottom of the to-do list, if it makes it to the list at all.

The meaning of nurture

Nurture means to take care of self, to give time to self, to nourish, to cherish and cultivate. Just as we nourish and feed our physical body, we also need to nourish others aspects of ourselves. Just as we cherish others, we need to cherish ourselves. The opposite would be to disregard, ignore, or neglect the self. Nurturance and nourishment of self is important for various reasons.

Why is it important to nurture ourselves?

The following story was once told:

“Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree. ‘What are you doing?’ you ask. ‘Can’t you see?’ comes the impatient reply. ‘I’m sawing down this tree.’ ‘You look exhausted!’ you exclaim. ‘How long have you been at it?’ ‘Over 5 hours,’ he returns, ‘and I’m beat! This is hard work.’ ‘Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen the saw?’ you inquire. ‘I’m sure it would go a lot faster.’ ‘I don’t have time to sharpen the saw the man says emphatically. ‘I’m too busy sawing!”

We are too busy working and taking care of others to nurture ourselves. Over time, this leads to depletion of our energy, patience, creativity and relationship skills. Over time, ourbecome dull because we are too busy sawing away to take a break. We find that we have little to give to others because we have not taken the time to take care of ourselves.

The solution is to learn how to nurture ourselves so that we can refill the depleted energy, compassion, and kindness. Nurturing ourselves increases our chances of success in all of our relationships. It makes us happier, more fulfilled, and more effective in our lives.

Areas of nurturance

As humans, we need to nurture ourselves in the following areas: 1) physical, 2) psychological/emotional, 3) social, and 4) spiritual. This means that we need to find ways to fulfill ourselves in each of these aspects. Of course, these elements are interrelated and impact upon each other. Islam is a religion of balance, wholeness, and moderation. If we balance our lies in such a way as to take care of each of our needs, we will experience wholeness and serenity. We must also do this in a way that is moderate and conscientious.

Case analysis

To get an idea of what all of this means, read through the following cases and try to determine which area of nurturance is most needed in each case. In other words, in which aspect is there imbalance or lack of fulfillment? Focus on the weakest aspect in each case since more than one may be represented.

Case 1: Maysoon

Maysoon is a young mother of a 4- month old infant. She and her husband recently moved to the United Arab Emirates from America. The baby was born in the UAE. Maysoon’s husband works from 8:00 am until 6:00 pm each day and Maysoon is alone in the house during that time with the baby. She has no social contact and misses her family back home. She comes from a large family of 6 siblings. Lately, she has been feeling more and more depressed due to her situation. She cries often and feels that she has no desire to take care of the baby. She is not able to sleep at night and has no appetite. She wishes that they had never come to this country.

Case 2: Maryam

Maryam is the mother of three small children––Zakariyyah, age 4; Salma, age 2_; and Sumayyah, age 9 months. Since the birth of her first baby, Maryam has been concerned about her weight and figure. She gained 20 kilos with Zakariyyah, and although she lost some of it over time, others remained. With each pregnancy her weight only seemed to increase. She feels tired and sluggish much of the time and does not feel that she is able to fully give what she needs to her children. Her husband has also commented on her weight and tells her that she needs to get slim again like she was when she first married.

Case 3: Zainab

Zainab is a 35 year-old woman with 4 children and a full-time job as a teacher. Her work and home responsibilities take much of her time, but she somehow manages. Lately, Zainab has felt a spiritual distancing from Allaah. She does not feel that she has the time to strengthen her relationship with Him. Her salah is often completed hurriedly and she struggles to find sometime to read the Qur’an each day. Her desire is to study more about Islam so that she can acquire more knowledge. This would enable her to teach her children as well as the sisters in her community. She wishes to come closer to Allaah, but the demands of daily life seem to be in the way.

Case 4: Reema

Reema is an energetic, educated, and intelligent woman. She works full-time in a company as an accountant, but does not really enjoy her work. She has been with the company for almost 5 years. She also has a husband and two children—Yacoub, age 7 and Zainab, age 5. Although Reema is very resourceful, she struggles with balancing the demands of both work and home. Her time is spent go back and forth between these two demands. By the end of the

day, she feels emotionally drained and unfulfilled due to the stresses of her job. She feels that she has no emotional energy left to give to her family. She is concerned about how this will impact her children.

How do we nurture ourselves?

There is no right way or one perfect solution to nurturing the self. Nurturing is specific to each person and each season of life. It is personal and intimate. The ways that we are nurtured reflect our deepest wants and needs. We begin by asking ourselves, “What feels nurturing to me?” You can try to remember times in which you felt nurtured arid loved and create a list of those times (or places or people). Spend time writing in a journal about what feels nurturing to you. To gather more ideas, ask friends what they do to nurture themselves. Gradually, accumulate a list of events, people, and things that feel nurturing.

To get some practice, go through each of the scenarios above and try to come up with ways that each of the women can nurture themselves. It may be a good idea to do this with a friend or group of friends. The outcome may surprise you.

The importance of spirituality

At the foundation of the human experience is spirituality. While all elements are important and we attempt to balance them, the aspect that cannot be eliminated or ignored is one’s relationship with the Creator. This will impact a person’s life more than any other aspect. The soul is at the center of the human being. Allaah Almighty Says what means: “Then He fashioned him in due proportion and breathed into him the soul (created by Allaah for that person) and made for you hearing and vision and hearts (i.e., intellect); little are you grateful.“ [Quran 32: 9]

We also understand that our purpose in life is to worship Allaah Almighty. Allaah Says what means: “And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” [Quran 51:56]. It is through this worship that we obtain the greatest fulfillment and nourishment because it brings us closer to our Source. We find peace and contentment simply in the remembrance of Allaah Almighty. Allaah Says what means: “Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allaah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allaah hearts are assured.” [Quran 3:28]

When we focus on nourishing our spirituality it will flow into the other areas of our life. The guidelines that are provided by the religion will become methods of nurturance themselves. Maintaining the ties of family is an example of nurturing the social aspect. Eating healthy food is part of taking care of the physical self. When we understand that the concept of worship in Islam is broad and includes any actions that are acceptable to Allaah and done for His sake, the matter becomes clear. In the end, we begin to realize that nurturance can be found in the hugs and care given to a child, in the completion of a project for work, or even in the cooking of a dinner meal. Remembrance of Allaah in all that we do will bring much of the nurturance that we need in this life.

SOURCE: http://www.islamweb.net/womane/nindex.php?page=readart&id=149670

{BY DR. AISHA HAMDAN}

A healthy and balanced food system

“We like to  kick our Ramadan special series with a general warnings article for those of us who do not engage in healthy eating …”

Many people get into the bad habit of overeating during the month of Ramadhaan, which often causes different types of diseases, like constipation, rapid weight gain, and many others. This is because they are heedless of the instructions of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and the etiquette one must adhere to at the time of breaking the fast when eating Iftaar. The instructions of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, are all about healthy practices. They also include measures to prevent stressing the body and over-exhausting it, as well as not subjecting it to pain. These measures therefore reflect the great benefits of fasting.

In order to achieve benefit from this healthy system, we must adhere to certain instructions related to our eating habits during the period of fasting. The following are some of these instructions:

Hastening to break the fast immediately at sunset:

Sahl ibn Sa`d reported that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “People will continue to adhere to good as long as they hasten to break their fasting.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] “Adhere to good”here means the welfare of the religion as well as that of this world. Breaking the fast early does not mean that it is terminated before the prescribed time. What it means is that it is done without any delay immediately after sunset. Hastening to break ones’ fast has many benefits and effects on the fasting person who has been fasting for a period that ranges from 10-14 hours. The fasting person at the time of breaking his fast is in dire need to make up for the fluids and energy that he has lost during the day. The one who delays breaking the fast usually suffers from a drop in his blood sugar level, which results in total weakness.

Breaking the fast on dates:

The fasting person has been instructed by the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to start breaking his fast by eating a ripe or dry date. The benefit from this lies in it making up for the sugar he consumed during the day while fasting. If he cannot find dates, then the next best thing is water, and one may also drink milk or warm soup. One should take a short break (by going to pray Maghrib), in order to allow the body to prepare itself for the next step of eating the main meal.

Eating the main meal after performing the Maghrib prayer:

In order to attain a healthy, balanced food system, the main meal must include all the primary food components, namely: protein, starch, sugar, fat, vitamins and minerals. There is no restriction on any type of food unless the person suffers from a certain disease which requires him to maintain a special diet. We would like to draw attention to the following important matters:

·        Avoid overeating.

·        Reduce the consumption of fat in general, especially saturated fat, and sweets.

·        Do not eat a lot of pickles, spices and pepper.

·        Eat a lot of fruits and vegetables.

·        Do not drink a lot of coffee and tea because they exhaust the stomach.

·        Stay away completely from soft drinks and fruit juices that include preservatives.

Means to avoid constipation:

It is a known fact that an empty stomach, after long hours of fasting, will not accept large amounts of food all at once. It can only do so in stages. Eating large amounts of food in one go therefore will cause pain to the stomach and the intestines. Additionally, this causes indigestion in the form of gases and constipation as well as other symptoms like feeling lazy and fatigue. Therefore, we highly advise people to break their fast in two stages:

·        First: Eating dates, which acts as an introduction and prepares the stomach for the main course.

·        Second: Eating the main meal after having performed the prayer.

A warning against some bad eating habits:

People exercise very bad eating habits at the time they break their fast during the month of Ramadhaan, and we will shed light on some of them in the following:

·        Sleeping after eating Iftaar.

·        Smoking: Many people rush to light their cigarettes and start smoking as soon as the sun sets, thinking (mistakenly) that this satisfies their hunger or thirst. They forget the immensely harmful effects smoking has, especially on an empty stomach, let alone its bad impact on the fasting person’s appetite – in addition to the numerous bad effects on the rest of the human body.

·        Drinking a lot of tea or coffee and other sweetened juices, all of which negatively affect the stomach.

Finally, the fasting person must always remember the advice of the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Al-Miqdaad ibn Ma`dikarib reported: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, say:‘No man fills a container worse than his stomach. A few morsels that would keep his back upright are sufficient for him. If he has to do so, then he should keep one-third for food, one-third for drink and one-third for his breathing.’”[At-Tirmithi] This narration dissuades us from overeating as this causes laziness and negatively affects one’s health.

SOURCE: http://www.islamweb.net/womane/nindex.php?page=readart&id=149481

Breastfeeding prevents diseases and increases love

<“Mother and child” bond should not be broken due to our lame excuses !! why?  because its healthy and  halal!!! need more reasons?! read on and learn why breastfeeding is great!>

” Exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of the baby’s life is the traditional and ideal way to feed the baby. Breast milk is far superior in terms of nutrients concerning its unique composition that provides the baby with the components that are vital for life, nourishment and development, such as proteins, fats, vitamins, salts and minerals.

It contains all these elements at the best level and composition for the baby’s body to fully benefit from throughout his stages of development. Medical research stresses that breast milk contains cells which are able to form antibodies for microbes and viruses. So far, scientists know of four types of antibodies that are able to protect the baby from many diseases throughout the different stages of his life. Breast milk protects the child against food allergies that may emerge in the early years of the child’s life. Symptoms of food allergy can be rashes, digestive disorders or breathing difficulties. In some cases, a food allergy can even cause unconsciousness.

Doctors say that genetics determine a child’s predisposition to allergies, but breast milk helps guard against it.  The results of researches which were conducted by Dr. Phialat, Professor of Allergies in the Faculty of Medicine in Paris, and Dr. Sameer Khidhr, Professor of Public Health in the Faculty of Medicine in Tanta (Egypt), show that breast milk contains immune bodies that decrease the production of immunoglobins, which cause allergies. Thus, breastfeeding has a great effect on preventing the emergence of allergies in the early years of the child’s life. It also contains elements from the environment that guard the body of the baby against any disease. Breastfeeding gives an opportunity for the child to build his immune system within approximately three months.

Medical research, which was conducted on breastfed children and children on baby formula, revealed that phosphorus fats are available in breast milk at higher rates. Phosphorus fat helps to form the nervous system of the child and plays a key role in his development. It has a great effect that extends throughout his lifetime. The research confirms that breastfed babies are more intelligent than babies who are fed on baby formula. The reason behind this is that the fastest development of the brain takes place in the first year of life. At that time, the baby needs full nutrients that are only available in breast milk. Shortage in such substances during this period often leads to shortcomings in the baby’s mental capacities.

Benefits of Breastfeeding

Breast milk is considered to be the best nourishment for the baby and helps him grow and develop emotionally and mentally. Breast milk is clean and bacteria-free. It contains living white blood cells that help combat diseases, gives the baby necessary immunity and protects him from digestive disorders, diarrhea, respiratory system diseases, middle ear infection, allergy problems and sudden death syndrome. Breast milk strengthens the bond between the mother and the baby in a way that enhances the baby’s ability to acquire knowledge in the future. Breast milk provides the baby with a balanced and nutritious food that suits each stage of development, especially during the first six months of the baby’s life.

Breast milk contains:

• – A quantity of water which suffices the baby, even in hot weather.
• – Various amounts of iron, salt, calcium and phosphate which are sufficient for the baby at this age.
• – An amount of the lipase enzyme that helps the baby’s stomach to digest fats.
• – Most forms of proteins and fats which are suitable for the baby and in the quantities required.
• – Sufficient vitamins for the baby.
• – It helps the baby’s jaws, speech and teeth to develop properly.

Benefits for the Mother

Breastfeeding benefits the mother as well, since it helps in:

• – Cessation of post-partum bleeding.
• – Prolonging the interval between two successive pregnancies, especially when breastfeeding runs regularly every 2-3 hours night and day without adding formula to the baby’s diet.
• – Rapid loss of weight.
• – Minimizing the danger of breast and ovarian cancers.
• – Saving time, since breast milk is always ready and does not need preparation or warming. A mother can breastfeed her baby whenever she wants and wherever she is without special preparation.
• – Saving money, for breast milk is free.
• – Strengthening the bond and love between the mother and her baby.

Risks of Infant Formula for the baby:

• – Infant formula can be easily contaminated with microbes and bacteria, due to improperly cleaned bottles, teats (bottle nipples), or spoons. It may be contaminated via water or hands.
• – Baby formula does not contain antimicrobials to protect the baby against infection.
• – Baby formula becomes easily rancid if it is not used once prepared, particularly in hot weather.
• – Baby formula is often powder whose preparation requires adding water. It is possible that a mother could put the incorrect quantity of water in, so the milk is too concentrated or too light, which can disturb the stomach of the baby and fail to satisfy his dietary needs.
• – The holes of the teats may be too narrow so that a baby hardly sucks, or may be too wide so that the milk comes out rapidly and the baby chokes.
• – The milk may be contaminated during preparation
• – The heavy nature of formula milk may cause the baby to be overweight, and increases the risk of chronic diseases.
• – A bottle-fed baby may be exposed to allergies, intestinal colic, respiratory diseases and permanent diarrhea.
• – A baby may reject his mother’s breast because baby formula tastes better to him.
• – Lastly, it causes the baby to be confused between the breast nipple and the bottle teat, and this affects the emotional connection between the mother and the baby.

Risks of baby formula for the mother:

• – Delay and decrease of breast milk production because the baby does not suck properly.
• – An increase of the possibility of breast congestion or inflammation as the baby does not regularly take her milk.
• – An increase of the risk of unplanned pregnancy
• – An increase in the risk of breast and ovarian cancers and obesity.
• – It reduces the possibility of regaining body shapeliness after childbirth.

Looking for the reasons why some mothers refuse to breastfeed their babies, it was found that there are a few: the mother might be going out to study or work, the mother fears that breastfeeding would affect her shapeliness, the mother may be fond of imitating Western women, and think that using formulas is some sort of modernity. Also, the mother may be unaware of the ideal way to breastfeed a baby.

Final Advice

We advise mothers to start breastfeeding their babies from the first hours after childbirth, meaning, once the milk comes. This must be in the first days that follow delivery. It is recommended that a baby is fed from one breast for at least half an hour, until the mother is sure that he is full, because the first quantity of milk contains water and sugar that increase the appetite of the baby and encourages him to continue breastfeeding.

All these facts unveil the secrets embedded in what Allaah The Almighty Says (which means): {Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period].}[Quran 2:233]

SOURCE: http://www.islamweb.net/womane/nindex.php?page=readart&id=149470

Breastfeeding prevents diseases and increases love

Exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of the baby’s life is the traditional and ideal way to feed the baby. Breast milk is far superior in terms of nutrients concerning its unique composition that provides the baby with the components that are vital for life, nourishment and development, such as proteins, fats, vitamins, salts and minerals.

It contains all these elements at the best level and composition for the baby’s body to fully benefit from throughout his stages of development. Medical research stresses that breast milk contains cells which are able to form antibodies for microbes and viruses. So far, scientists know of four types of antibodies that are able to protect the baby from many diseases throughout the different stages of his life. Breast milk protects the child against food allergies that may emerge in the early years of the child’s life. Symptoms of food allergy can be rashes, digestive disorders or breathing difficulties. In some cases, a food allergy can even cause unconsciousness.

Doctors say that genetics determine a child’s predisposition to allergies, but breast milk helps guard against it.  The results of researches which were conducted by Dr. Phialat, Professor of Allergies in the Faculty of Medicine in Paris, and Dr. Sameer Khidhr, Professor of Public Health in the Faculty of Medicine in Tanta (Egypt), show that breast milk contains immune bodies that decrease the production of immunoglobins, which cause allergies. Thus, breastfeeding has a great effect on preventing the emergence of allergies in the early years of the child’s life. It also contains elements from the environment that guard the body of the baby against any disease. Breastfeeding gives an opportunity for the child to build his immune system within approximately three months.

Medical research, which was conducted on breastfed children and children on baby formula, revealed that phosphorus fats are available in breast milk at higher rates. Phosphorus fat helps to form the nervous system of the child and plays a key role in his development. It has a great effect that extends throughout his lifetime. The research confirms that breastfed babies are more intelligent than babies who are fed on baby formula. The reason behind this is that the fastest development of the brain takes place in the first year of life. At that time, the baby needs full nutrients that are only available in breast milk. Shortage in such substances during this period often leads to shortcomings in the baby’s mental capacities.

Benefits of Breastfeeding

Breast milk is considered to be the best nourishment for the baby and helps him grow and develop emotionally and mentally. Breast milk is clean and bacteria-free. It contains living white blood cells that help combat diseases, gives the baby necessary immunity and protects him from digestive disorders, diarrhea, respiratory system diseases, middle ear infection, allergy problems and sudden death syndrome. Breast milk strengthens the bond between the mother and the baby in a way that enhances the baby’s ability to acquire knowledge in the future. Breast milk provides the baby with a balanced and nutritious food that suits each stage of development, especially during the first six months of the baby’s life.

Breast milk contains:

– A quantity of water which suffices the baby, even in hot weather.

– Various amounts of iron, salt, calcium and phosphate which are sufficient for the baby at this age.

– An amount of the lipase enzyme that helps the baby’s stomach to digest fats.

– Most forms of proteins and fats which are suitable for the baby and in the quantities required.

– Sufficient vitamins for the baby.

– It helps the baby’s jaws, speech and teeth to develop properly.

Benefits for the Mother

Breastfeeding benefits the mother as well, since it helps in:

– Cessation of post-partum bleeding.

– Prolonging the interval between two successive pregnancies, especially when breastfeeding runs regularly every 2-3 hours night and day without adding formula to the baby’s diet.

– Rapid loss of weight.

– Minimizing the danger of breast and ovarian cancers.

– Saving time, since breast milk is always ready and does not need preparation or warming. A mother can breastfeed her baby whenever she wants and wherever she is without special preparation.

– Saving money, for breast milk is free.

– Strengthening the bond and love between the mother and her baby.

Risks of Infant Formula for the baby:

– Infant formula can be easily contaminated with microbes and bacteria, due to improperly cleaned bottles, teats (bottle nipples), or spoons. It may be contaminated via water or hands.

– Baby formula does not contain antimicrobials to protect the baby against infection.

– Baby formula becomes easily rancid if it is not used once prepared, particularly in hot weather.

– Baby formula is often powder whose preparation requires adding water. It is possible that a mother could put the incorrect quantity of water in, so the milk is too concentrated or too light, which can disturb the stomach of the baby and fail to satisfy his dietary needs.

– The holes of the teats may be too narrow so that a baby hardly sucks, or may be too wide so that the milk comes out rapidly and the baby chokes.

– The milk may be contaminated during preparation

– The heavy nature of formula milk may cause the baby to be overweight, and increases the risk of chronic diseases.

– A bottle-fed baby may be exposed to allergies, intestinal colic, respiratory diseases and permanent diarrhea.

– A baby may reject his mother’s breast because baby formula tastes better to him.

– Lastly, it causes the baby to be confused between the breast nipple and the bottle teat, and this affects the emotional connection between the mother and the baby.

Risks of baby formula for the mother:

– Delay and decrease of breast milk production because the baby does not suck properly.

– An increase of the possibility of breast congestion or inflammation as the baby does not regularly take her milk.

– An increase of the risk of unplanned pregnancy

– An increase in the risk of breast and ovarian cancers and obesity.

– It reduces the possibility of regaining body shapeliness after childbirth.

Looking for the reasons why some mothers refuse to breastfeed their babies, it was found that there are a few: the mother might be going out to study or work, the mother fears that breastfeeding would affect her shapeliness, the mother may be fond of imitating Western women, and think that using formulas is some sort of modernity. Also, the mother may be unaware of the ideal way to breastfeed a baby.

Final Advice

We advise mothers to start breastfeeding their babies from the first hours after childbirth, meaning, once the milk comes. This must be in the first days that follow delivery. It is recommended that a baby is fed from one breast for at least half an hour, until the mother is sure that he is full, because the first quantity of milk contains water and sugar that increase the appetite of the baby and encourages him to continue breastfeeding.

All these facts unveil the secrets embedded in what Allaah The Almighty Says (which means): {Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period].}[Quran 2:233]

SOURCE: http://www.islamweb.net/womane/nindex.php?page=readart&id=149470

Islamic ways to help love in tthe family…

Assalam Alaykunm Warahmatullah- this article is culled from a mail i got from “Welcome Islam” and thought it fit well into our wedding to marriage series. Though it was tagged “60 ISLAMIC WAYS TO KEEP YOUR WIFE’S LOVE”,  i believe these tips could insha seal the love within any Muslim home/ family.  So happy reading!!

1. Make her feel secured; (sakina- tranquility) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE

2. When you go home say ‘Assalamu’alaikum’ (Greetings). It kicks shaitaan out of your home!

3. Prophet Mohammed (SAW) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that’s fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.

4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it’s a type of slandering.

5. Be generous to your wife – it keeps her LOVE.

6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.

7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. The Prophet (SAW) said if you are angry, sit down; if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!

8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!

9. Don’t be rigid. It will break you. Prophet Mohammed – Salallahu Aleihi Wasallam said ‘I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife’. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.

10. Listen to your wife – BE a GOOD LISTENER.

11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said ‘When Allah (SWT) wants evil for people, He will leave them to argue amongst themselves’.

12. Prophet (SAW) said to call your wives with the best names, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed (SAW) called Aisha ‘ya Aish’ as an endearment.

13. Give her a pleasant surprise – i.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.

14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet (SAW) said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!

15. All of us have shortcomings. Accept her shortcomings and Allah (SWT) will put barakah in your marriage.

16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.

17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relatives, her Mum and Dad etc.

18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.

19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/realize that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.

20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet (SAW) said gifts increases love.

21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!

22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (SWT) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.

23. Ignore some of her mistakes – pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practice of Ali (RA). It’s like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!

24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is on her monthly period.

25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (RA) used to get jealous.

26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your success.

27. Don’t put your friends above your wife.

28. Help your wife at home. Prophet (SAW) used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.

29. Help her respect your parents, you can’t force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.

30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.

31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.

32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It’s not your business. The past is for Allah (SWT).

33. Don’t try to show her that you are doing her a favor by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It’s also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (SWT).

34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person. So he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce, he comes everyday, sits and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.

35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet (SAW) taught us this. It’s a blessing. The food doesn’t just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.

36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shitaan.

37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT’S A CHARITY.

38. Small problems/challenges can become a big problem. Or if there are small things she didn’t like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore those small problems as they can become big.

39. Avoid being harsh-hearted and moody. Allah said of Prophet (SAW) ‘if you were harsh-hearted they (the companions) would have left you.’ It confirms Prophet (SAW) was not harsh-hearted, so GET RID OF IT.

40. Respect her thinking. It’s strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.

41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.

42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet (SAW) said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.

43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (SWT).

44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talks to her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.

45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.

46. Let her know you are traveling. Don’t tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/time of your return also.

47. Don’t leave the house as soon as trouble brews.

48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.

49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together, or go to a dars together etc.

50. Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.

51. Allah (SWT) said ‘live with your wives in kindness.’ Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.

52. Prophet (SAW) showed that at the time of intimacy, don’t jump on your wife like an animal!

53. When you have a dispute with your wife don’t tell anyone. It’s like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.

54. Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.

55. Don’t think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was Prophet (SAW). Get rid of this disease.

56. Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.

57. Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet (SAW) said that your wife is a trust in your hand.

58. Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.

59. Accept her as she is. Prophet (saw) said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet (SAW) said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.

60. Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah (SWT) said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.

Source: Welcome Islam

Menstruation In Islam:

Menstruation In Islam: General Info –

Menstruation is a natural type of blood that flows at regular intervals from a woman’s uterus once a month. Allah(s.w.t.) has laid down certain rules in connection with this, as a concession to the woman, in consideration of her condition. Menstruation usually lasts 3 to 10 days and nights, varying from woman to woman. Most women have a regular number of days for their monthly menstrual period(on average every 26-35 days). The number of days may fluctuate and the period might come a little early or a little late. So when a woman sees menstrual blood, she should consider herself to be menstruating. When it stops, she should consider herself clean. If more blood appears after her menstrual period has ended, but does not have the same color as menstrual blood, it should not be considered as menstruation. Some women may have abnormal bleeding which different from your menses.

A woman who is in her monthly cycle CANNOT:

1. Perform the five prescribed prayers (prayers missed due to menstruation do not have to be made up)

2. Touch the Quran,

3. Make tawaf around the Kaba,

4. Fast (Days of fasting missed during Ramadan may be made up within the next lunar year)

5. Engage in sexual intercourse with her husband (kissing, hugging, and other intimate touching outside of the genital area is okay).

A woman who is in her monthly cycle CAN:

1. Make dua,

2. Listen to a recitation of the Qur’an, or silently recite it to herself

3. Celebrate the praises of Allah,

4. Study Islamic texts, including hadith,

5. Attend Eid celebrations(not to pray Eid prayer but witness it)

When your menses is finished:

When your cycle is ended, then you must perform the ritual purification bath, called ghusl. It includes washing your entire body, including the head.

Naseeha(Advice)

It is often difficult for new Muslimahs to understand why they are suddenly unable to make salah for five days or so. Many may feel that it is a limitation on them due to their gender. Others may misunderstand this, and think that they can not engage in any Islamic activities for the duration of their menses. This is simply not so. Many women suffer from extreme cramps, heavy bleeding, nausea, headaches, and other maladies during their cycle. It is truly a sign of the Mercy of Allah(s.w.t) that we are excused from prayer during this time.

Islam does not ask you to give up your spirituality or pursuit of Islamic knowledge during this time either. While it is true that you can’t read the Quran physically, you aren’t prohibited from listening to tapes of the Quran, or from listening to someone else recite it. You can still pray, through Dua, and you can still celebrate the praises of Allah(s.w.t) during this time as well. There is nothing to stop you from reading Islamic texts outside of the Quran, including hadith.

***some information above from http://www.themodernreligion.com/women/w_menses.htm***

http://www.muslimah2muslimah.com/2010/05/menstraution-in-islam-general-info.html

10 Good Reasons to Marry ONE Muslim –

<I laughed alot after reading this and sincerely i start thinking of coming up with my version… Hope you like the sense and humor as written<by Fareeda Ahmed>

…Dear readers, it looks like you did well to read our post on 10 Good Reasons to Marry a Muslim! Online Dating and polygamy have combined to create the master of all “Islamic” matrimonial sites: 2or3or4.com

The logline says it all: “Marry women of your choices. 2 or 3 or 4!”

What about 1? Is that not even an option anymore?

As if to pre-empt the argument, the website features several articles and opinions on the validity of polygamy in Islam. While I have heard ranging opinions on the relative preferability of the institution, almost all agree that Islam allows polygamy for men with certain restrictions.

So, if I may just impart a few notes on 10 Good Reasons to Marry ONE Muslim:

1) Family Ties (or nuses) Really? One set of in-laws isn’t enough?

2) Let me introduce you to… It gives people fewer opportunities to impersonate Borat saying, “Mah waahhhf!” Imagine that four times in a row!

3) Do you know what day it is today? Do you really think you can remember FOUR anniversaries? That’s just asking for trouble! …Unless you do it all at once, I suppose. But still. Miss that day, and you will be struggling to find a blank spot on your face around the 20 finger marks…

4) Mid-Wife Crisis: There are other ways to show your virility. Get a sportscar. Which, by the way, will only fit your favorite wife, and that disqualifies the whole “separate but equal” rule.

5) The Fame Game: There are far more sitcoms about monogamous relationships than about polygamous relationships. Although a Muslim version of “Big Love” would definitely bring a fresh perspective to the HBO crowd… “Bigger Love” could combine some elements of “The Wire” and “The Sopranos” to truly make it edgy. Heck, why not throw in some “True Blood.” I always thought Muslims were unfairly underrepresented in the vampire fiction category…

6) Alimony: Greek for: “All the Money.” As in say goodbye to “All the Money” you’ve ever earned. Either way, you’re a goner. Stay together and that’s a whole set of college educations you have to save for.

7) In my country… Ok, I’m going to come out and say it. But a huge reason to forgo extra significant others is the stigma. People associate polygamy with sexism and values of centuries past. While that does seem unfair given the average NBA player’s entourage (or Hugh Heffner’s Bunny Farm), it’s like the French say, marriage is once with one person and for life. That’s what mistresses are for!

8) Legalese: Polygamy has been illegal in the US since the late 19th century. Meanwhile, activists in this country are still finding it difficult to get married to just one other person. Try adding more wives to the bill and you will get screamed down by conservative hillbillies quicker than you can say, “Proposition 8 revoked!” And all you can retort with is “nice haircut!” or “Anne Coulter is getting less attractive by the day!” (If you have more effective insults, please email them along…these didn’t work so well at the rodeo.)

9) Double Standard: Do you really want to play this game? Men wear pants. Women wear pants. Men want voting rights. Women want voting rights. Men want additional spouses…well, let’s just hope you have some brothers. If you open this door, don’t think women won’t eventually come up with ways to walk through it. They already have in some parts of the world!

10) And finally, the biggest reason to marry ONE Muslim: Hey! Leave some for the rest of us!

Source: http://www.elanthemag.com/index.php/site/featured_articles_detail/10_good_reasons_to_marry_one_muslim-nid953877706/

by Fareeda Ahmed

10 common mistakes that destroy a relationship of marriage

In life and love, you may think you’re supposed to always focus on the positive instead of the negative.

However, unless you become aware of your own hurtful attitudes or actions — so that you can correct them — your chances of staying in love ’til death do you part are close to zero.

To have your marriage last a lifetime, avoid these 10 common mistakes:

1. Talking “at” instead of “with” your mate. Let his or her body language be your guide. When you’re talking “at” your partner, he or she will tense up. When you’re talking “with” your spouse, he or she will relax.

2. Tuning out — instead of tuning in — to what your mate is saying. When you mind begins to wander, stop and remember that what your partner is saying is important to him or her.

3. Forgetting to thank your mate. Not thanking your spouse for being considerate, thoughtful or kind makes him or her feel unappreciated and foolish for caring about you. even if your mate did something as simple as remembering to wash the laundry or cook dinner or pay an outstanding bill. although it may be generally “considered as a duty”, it is not. In fact the main duty in a marriage is to make the other person happy, for most people, ultimately that does not necessary have to do with chores or bills.

4. Getting defensive instead of saying, “I’m sorry.” When you mess up, the sooner you sincerely say, “I’m sorry,” or “I was wrong,” the sooner your mate can stop resenting you.

5. Always saying, “I’m sorry,” yet never changing. An apology buys you another chance. However, if you keep making the same mistake, apologies not only seem empty, but annoying as well.

6. Being repeatedly late. Frequently keeping your partner waiting is not only inconsiderate, it’s arrogant.

7. Playing the victim. This behavior not only accuses your spouse of hurting you, but adds insult to injury by implying that he or she is doing it intentionally, when that may not be the case. not everyone has the same capacity of receiving accusations, so it is safest not to jump and accuse your mate of  having bad intentions, even if they have repeated similar mistakes in the past.

8. Jumping to conclusions. Presuming that you know what your partner feels — and why — without first getting all the facts is only going to push him or her away.

9. Badmouthing your spouse behind his or her back. This not only adds to the list of secrets you keep from your mate, but also tells others how little you respect your partner.

10. Thinking that doing something once is enough. If you only temporarily stop making the above mistakes — and don’t continue to monitor yourself to keep from slipping back into bad habits — If your spouse was satisfied with that last bouquet of roses you bought her or that last set of golf clubs you got him, all signs point to the fact that giving and receiving gifts is a good thing. So keep it up! you’re teasing your partner with changing one time and going to the same old song and dance. You’re also kidding yourself that you’re committed to improving your marriage, when really you’re not.
SOURCE:http://islamgreatreligion.wordpress.com/2010/01/25/10-common-mistakes-that-destroy-a-

relationship-of-marriage-2/

Ten Tips To Be A Sucessful Muslim Husband

Okay here is  some highly useful tips for the brothers…

Prophet Muhammad (صلي الله عليه وسلم) said, “the best amongst you are the ones who are best to their wives.” So dear Muslim brother! Your obligations towards your wife are not limited to earning money and supporting her financially. A wife needs love from her husband, and emotional support too!

Note: Additions in parenthesis are notes from a sister.

1) Dress Up

Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good. When was the last time us men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasulullah (صلي الله عليه وسلم) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

(Dress up for your wife when you are at home also. Some brothers only dress up when they go out and that is not a good practice. A husband should dress up for his wife when they are at home. it makes a wife feel special.)

2) Sweet Names

Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasulullah (صلي الله عليه وسلم) had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

(Remember, you are your wife’s only boyfriend, and her only best friend. She does not go out seeking boyfriends and she shares a halal relationship with you. Love her unconditionally for the sake of Allah. And express your love to her. A woman likes to be told that she is loved. Call her from your work to make sure she is doing fine. I have seen my dad calling my mother several times a day, just to make sure she has been eating well. And my husband calls me at least twice from work to make sure I am doing well. These things are very important in a relationship.)

3) Reward Her Actions

Don’t treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day – which brings no attention from the husband – until she does something to ‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

(Whenever there is a fight or argument, just remember all the things she does for you. she cooks for you, she takes care of your home, she takes care of your children and the most important thing is that she guards her modesty. So do not upset her if she is upset with you. Hold her and tell her that you love her. Only your love can repel her anger. Communicate with her and discuss with her if there are any misunderstandings.)

4) Remain Silent

If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasulullah (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives (رضالله عنهنّ). It’s a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

(Do not criticize her all the time. Trust her and trust her decisions. If she is doing something that you don’t like, or that goes against the teachings of Islam, then do advice her gently.)

5) Smile!

Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasulullah (صلي الله عليه وسلم) would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.

(Do let your wife know that you are very happy and blessed to have her. A wife always wonder how her husband feels about her. She may have some insecurity about you, so make her feel secure. Always give her a hug whenever you come back from work. appreciate her and thank her for taking care of everything whole day. If you are not too tired, go out for star gazing for an hour or so.)

6) Acknowledge Her

Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgment she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don’t let that be; thank her!

Prophet Muhammad (صلي الله عليه وسلم) said, “the best amongst you are the ones who are best to their wives.” So dear Muslim brother! Your obligations towards your wife are not limited to earning money and supporting her financially. A wife needs love from her husband, and emotional support too!

(Write thank you notes for her and place those notes in her books, her purse, her socks, and anything else that belongs to her. You can use your own creativity to thank her. You can thank her by writing something on a mirror with her lipstick, so that she can read it when she wakes up in the morning. You can also thank her by arranging a candlelight dinner AT HOME, you be the cook and let her rest. So far I have learned that a nice romantic dinner at home is much better than going out for dinner. This way a couple saves themselves from many fitnahs. You can thank her by writing her letters and emails. Remember, in Islam, everyday is special. So celebrate wife’s day with her, and do it very often without having a particular date. She will always wonder when the wife’s day is going to be.

You can also give her a certificate of appreciation, or a Best Wife Award on wife’s day. Do everything by yourself that day and let her rest, this way you will also know how difficult it could be to do household chores. Thank her by building a webpage for her, write a note there and a poem and then ask her to visit your webpage. Thank her by recording a voice message on a cd for your wife. She will love it!

Thank her by giving her a gift, and a gift does not have to be expensive. Be creative! You do not have to give her Roses, you can give her a leaf too! (My husband gave me a leaf once, instead of roses, and I was very happy and surprised, and I appreciated his creativity). So remember, thoughtful and creative gifts makes a wife feel secure and happy. Thank her by ordering a halal pizza for her, ask the restaurant to cut it in a heart shape and have it delivered with a personalized note. Thank her by thanking her in a family gathering. A woman likes it when her husband gives her attention.

If you visit her parents or your parents, hold her hands and tell your parents how happy you are after marriage. Give your wife an Islamic book as a gift after praying Tahajjud. Use your imagination and think about unique gifts. Remember, she does not need a diamond, she needs your sincerity and your heart, so always give her the gifts that are thoughtful. Whenever you do something to make her happy, observe her facial expressions and ask yourself about how you feel when you become her happiness.)

7) Ten Blessings From Allah

Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don’t have to play a guessing game–ask her and work on repeating those things in your life.

(Also ask her to write down the things you did that she did not like, or the things you did that made her unhappy. Try to not do those things in future. If she falls ill, let her lay down, and read different surahs from Qur’an while placing your hand on her forehead. When I got sick, my husband recited Qur’an for me, it really helped a lot mashaAllah. Remember, a wife needs her husband the most when she is not feeling well. Take good care of her because a healthy wife makes a healthy family. Do not expect too much from her when she is sick.)

8)  Validate her Feelings

Don’t belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasulullah (صلي الله عليه وسلم) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah (رضالله عنها) was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

(If there is a time of sadness, give her your shoulder to cry on. Hold her and tell her that everything will be fine. Alhamdulillah, my husband and my dad are amongst those Muslim husbands who would even have tears in their eyes if their wives are sad. Remember, a woman does not like to cry alone in a corner. She needs someone to hold her when she is sad, so never let her feel lonely. Remind her the verses from Qur’an that talks about Patience and Piety.)

9) Have Fun!

Be humorous and play games with your wife. Look at how Rasulullah (صلي الله عليه وسلم) would race his wife Aisha (رضالله عنها) in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

(A sense of humor plays a very important role in a marital relationship. Most women wish to have a husband who has a good sense of humor. Tell her decent and modest jokes that make her happy. A wife appreciates it very much if her husband makes her smile. You can play various games at home. Play with crayons, or have a pillow fight. Or hide different notes in your bedroom and ask her to find it. Think of different games you can both play. Let her win sometimes!

Adopt interesting hobbies, such as reading, cooking together and gardening (grow a surprise rose plant in your garden, when you have the first rose blooming, take her to the garden and show it to her. Newspaper and Sports Issue! Men like to watch sports, or read newspaper. Most Pakistani wives consider newspaper as their co-wives. So be very careful. If you are watching sports, turn the TV off if your wife comes around. Give her attention. Do not spend too much time reading newspaper, and do not read newspaper on the breakfast table, rather have an Islamic discussion. If you want to get her to like newspaper, then try to find something that interests her. Such as, try to find a news about Hijab. Or try to find a news about Muslim women for her.)

10) Be The Best

Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger (صلي الله عليه وسلم): “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.” Try to be the best! In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) to make your marriage successful. And Allah ta’ala knows best!

(And once again: your wife is your best friend, and your girlfriend. Share everything with her. Remember she is your garment and you are her garment, so hide her faults and mistakes. Learn to forgive her. Also communicate a lot with her family. It really makes a difference if husband communicates with his in laws. It helps both husband’s and wife’s family to share a beautiful relationship. Respect her parents and show your love to her family. This will inspire her to love and respect your family. If her family is not muslim, do dawah to them in a beautiful way.)

Spend lots of time praying to Allah swt. Do fast often even if it is not Ramadan. Fasting brings patience and taqwah. Lead her in the prayer. There is nothing better than praying together. Remember Allah, so that Allah remembers you.

May Allah bless us and guide us all. Ameen!

References

Alshareef, Muhammad. “[10 Tips] How to Be a Successful Husband.” IslamWay. 24 Apr. 2007

SOURCE: By Rab!a

http://www.hidayat.org/blog/2008/11/24/ten-tips-to-be-a-sucessful-muslim-husband/