Marriage: Purpose and Obligation

<Are you of age to get married? or do you fit into the category refer to by the Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) when he said :”Whoever is able to marry, should marry”. (Bukhari) ? Okay.. how much do you know about marriage and its obligations? Here is a good intro to the institution called marriage for both parent and intending couples. Enjoy!!>> An addition to our wedding 2 marriage series>

Definition of Marriage

Nikah is an Arabic term used for marriage. It means “contract” (“aqd in Arabic). The Quran specifically refers to marriage as “mithaqun ghalithun,” which means “a strong covenant”.

“…and they have taken a strong pledge (mithaqun ghalithun) from you?” (Quran 4:21)

The seriousness of this covenant becomes obvious when one finds the same tern i.e., Mithaqun Ghalithun, being used for the covenant made between Allah and the Prophet before granting them the responsibility of the Prophethood. (Quran 33:7)

The Quran also uses the Arabic word “Hisn” suggesting “fortress” for marriage. Marriage is considered the fortress of chastity.

The Purpose of Marriage

As a meaningful institution, marriage has two main purposes:

• To ensure preservation of the human species and continuation of the human race,

“O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord, who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them has spread abroad a multitude of men and women” (Quran: 4:1)

• To provide spiritual and legal foundation of the family,

“And of His Signs is this: He created for you mates from yourself that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, therein indeed are portents for folk who reflect”. (Quran 30:21)

Through Marriage, the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman becomes lawful. It provides a legitimate outlet for recreation as well as procreation. Islam regards sex as natural and good, but restricts it to the partners of marriage so as to ensure the responsibility for its consequences.

“Your women are a tilth for you so go to your tilth as you will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that you will (one day) meet him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad).” (Quran 2:223)

Marriage provides spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological companionship. This companionship generates and sustains love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace and succor (sakinah). It lays a spiritual and legal foundation for raising a family. The children born of the matrimonial union become legitimate and mutual rights of inheritance are established.

Marriage: A Religious Requirement

• Marriage in Islam is recommended as a religious requirement.

“Marry those among you who are single and (marry) your slaves, male and female, that are righteous” (Quran 24:32)

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) declared:

“When the servant of Allah marries, he has fulfilled half the (responsibilities laid on him by the) faith; so let him be God conscious with respect to the other half”. (Mishkat)

• Marriage has also been commended as the way of the prophets.

“We indeed sent messengers before you (O Muhammad), and We assigned them wives and children”. (Quran 13:38)

Marriage, in fact, is specifically considered the tradition (sunnah) of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) when he declared:

“Marriage is my Sunnah, whoever disregards my (sunnah) path is not from among us”. (ibn Majah)

• Islam discourages celibacy and encourages marriage, as Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) recommended:

“Whoever is able to marry, should marry”. (Bukhari)

What Are The Benefits Of Marriage?

Fulfillment of deen (the full practice of religion) is accomplished through marriage. In Islam, we recognize that marriage is the state to which we aspire – a situation that supports, in every aspect, our attainment of the state that will please our Creator. To fulfill the role Allah (SWT) designed specifically for us, marriage is important. It is through marriage that these roles are fulfilled. Anas bin Malik reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said,

• “When a man marries, he indeed perfects half of his religion. Then he should fear Allah for the remaining half.”

(Bukhari)

• For women, marriage provides support and protection,

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard” (Ali Imran:34-36).

• Satisfying sexual desires/needs may only be accomplished through marriage. As Muslims, we understand that sex outside of marriage is forbidden and considered a major sin. Therefore, sexual desires may only be satisfied within a marriage. Marriage provides protection from sin,

“They (wives) are like garments for you, and you are like garments for them” (Al Baqarah:187).

• Marriage provides companionship,

“…the companion by your side (the wife).” (Al Nisaa:36)

For Muslims, it is clear that the trend to delay or skip marriage is prohibited, and with good reason. Marriage still remains the trend in Muslim communities. This provides for the safety and security of women and children. It provides a safeguard against sexual sin for the man as well as for the woman. It provides two-parent homes for children and strong ethics that will support a lifestyle that is consistent with the practice of Islam. It provides loving and kind companionship. This is the way of Muslims.

Islam provides clear and ideal direction for all aspects of life. This is a perfect example of those directions. The religion tells Muslims to marry early. It provides clear guidelines for husbands and wives and, as they become parents, for parenting and for the behaviour of children. There is no guesswork in the process.

SOURCE: http://islamic-world.net/sister/purpose_and_obligation.htm

related reading:

• 6 Etiquettes of Seeking a Spouse: An Islamic Perspective
• How to Help Muslims Get Married: Tips for Parents and Imams
• other series on our  wedding 2 marriage series

Observe Etiquettes With Your Spouse

<Building the ummah starts from home! love and imaan between the dad & mum spreads over to the kids..shared by relatives…enjoyed by colleagues …felt by neighborhoods …supported by muslims…leads to change in the society…. So lets talk about some basic ettiquettes to help improve our homes and ummah at large!>

Without a set of rules and orders to be applied and respected, life would be chaotic and uncivilized. A home that is based on desires will be destroyed by them. A home that is built on water will sink into it. A house that is constructed in the path of the flood will be destroyed by that flood. A family that is founded on piety and obedience to Allaah The Almighty cannot be uprooted, even by the strongest of winds.

“Build your house on rock” is the advice of many grandfathers to their grandsons. What a wonderful order it is when it is followed at home, at school, in the factory, in the mosque and on the street. Conversely, how great is the ugliness of chaos at home, at school, at the clubs and on the street. One of the great tasks that Allaah The Almighty assigned to His Messengers was to teach people good manners. Some people call virtues and good manners etiquettes. Anyone who observes these rules is regarded as being civilized and well-mannered. On the other hand, anyone who violates these rules is considered uncivilized and ill-mannered.

We usually observe manners around strangers, so that we would gain their trust, respect and appreciation. However, often when we are around our loved ones who live with us or our life partners, we act thoughtlessly. We might hurt their feelings unintentionally and sometimes even intentionally hurt them because we think that etiquettes should be observed only while dealing with strangers. When dealing with close ones, we are often rough, thoughtless, and uncouth. Therefore, every newly-wed couple should agree together on rules to be written in the form of a document or an agreement that includes everything that can enrich their life and provide it with pleasure through activities, various hobbies, visits, meditations, and journeys. The purpose of this agreement is to enhance the spouse’s respect and appreciation for each other, and to decrease the amount of disagreements and maltreatment.

They should agree on a penalty that will befall either of them who violates any of the terms of the agreement. Penalties can include desertion for no more than a day or two, an apology to the wronged spouse, paying an amount of money or to buy a gift to make it up to the wronged spouse. Then, both parties should willingly sign that document. In the course of time, new terms can be added and old terms may be deleted. However, order should remain in effect and respect should be ongoing.

Some Rules for Good Manners

Some of the good manners that Islam and people with illuminated minds encourage, which some people may call etiquettes, are:

1-   To ask permission and knock before entering anyone’s room.

2-   To say “Assalaamu ‘alaykum…” when entering the home, the room or the car.

3-   The person who is leaving a room should ask those inside the room whether they need anything from outside.

4-   A person should not read a letter, a check or a piece of paper that does not belong to him.

5-   To return anything, such as a book or a ruler, that we borrow.

6-   To buy a new object if we break or damage something belonging to someone else.

7-   To put anything which belongs to the other partner back where it was if we move it.

8-   To apologize to the person we wrong.

9-   To accept the apology of the wrongdoer without blaming excessively.

10-               To have quiet, respectful speech that does not have any foul language in it.

11-               To speak the truth even if it is bitter but in a gentle, unoffending way.

12-               To offer advice to the one who needs it without any haughtiness.

13-               To be pleased when our partner is pleased. If one weeps, the other should be sad and weep or at least try to weep.

14-               To share in happy occasions and not miss them.

15-               To respect, appreciate, and praise the other’s hobbies as if they were ours.

16-               Not to return an irritable, rash attitude with a similar one.

17-               To help the other fulfill his tasks quickly, if he needs help.

18-               Not to make up arguments or reopen closed subjects of disagreement so as not to renew pain and sorrow.

19-               Tolerance and forgiveness are some of the noblest attributes.

20-               To distribute the tasks between both parties. Everyone should fulfill their duty before demanding their rights.

21-               Never lie; no matter how big the mistake we try to hide is. Lying is the father of all sins and a liar will not enter Paradise.

22-               If the spouses see an incident together and one of them narrates it to others differently from how his/her spouse sees it, the other spouse must not comment or belie them; let him/ her complete the story the way they see it.

23-               Never steal no matter how badly money is needed.

24-               To love for the spouse what one loves to himself/herself and try to comfort him/her as much as possible.

25-               Maintaining patience in times of adversity is an act of worship. Frequent praising of Allaah The Almighty is obligatory.

26-               Salaah (Prayer) is the pillar of the religion, and confidence in Allaah The Almighty is the basis of success and certainty.

27-               Everyone should call their partner by the name they like and not to take liberties in dialogue or joking in private or among others.

SOURCE: http://www.islamweb.net/womane/nindex.php?page=readart&id=149409